Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

ERP 488: Should a Secure Attachment Always Be the Goal? An Interview with Hanna Basel

About this Episode Is achieving a secure attachment really the ultimate marker of relationship success or could this mindset be doing more harm than good? In the quest for intimacy and connection, many of us fall into the trap of labeling ourselves and our partners, clinging to the idea that “secure” is the only way to be. But what happens when relationships don’t fit neatly into these categories, or when past experiences have shaped us in ways that make security seem out of reach? The pressure to be “securely attached” can sometimes backfire, leading to shame, blame, and a sense of hopelessness. In this episode, you’ll discover why secure attachment doesn’t have to be the ultimate destination, and why striving for secure functioning—those daily choices and mindful practices that build safety and trust—can be a far more compassionate and realistic goal. Drawing on insights from trauma work, attachment research, and couples therapy, this conversation unpacks the pitfalls of categorizing relationships as “good” or “bad,” explores the nuances of healing within partnership, and offers actionable ways to build resilience, understanding, and growth—no matter where you are on the attachment spectrum. Hanna Basel is a seasoned couples therapist and certified sex therapist. With expertise in attachment, trauma, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT), she helps people untangle their most complicated relationship patterns. As a former addictions counselor, Hanna brings both clinical expertise and lived experience to her work. She has been featured on CNN, Kare 11, MSN, and numerous podcasts where she talked about her ultimate and simple goal: to help people build relationships that help us heal and thrive. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights  04:23 Hannah’s path to couples therapy: From personal struggles to professional passion. 12:25 Understanding secure attachment and relationship dynamics. 15:26 Embracing relationship growth as a lifelong practice. 19:03 Debunking the myth that you must heal yourself before getting into a relationship. 22:00 Balancing guidance and judgment. 25:37 Neuroplasticity: How relationships shape and reshape attachment. 27:59 Understanding trauma’s role in relationship dynamics. 33:38 Compassion with boundaries. 34:59 Balancing love and constructive criticism. 39:07 Pacing, timing, and emotional safety in relationship repair. 42:10 Understanding pain and betrayal. 46:36 Slowing down for better attunement. 47:57 Breaking the cycle. Mentioned Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Hanna Basel Websites: hzbtherapy.com Facebook: facebook.com/watch/TherapywithhannaB Instagram: instagram.com/therapywithhannab Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 487: Staying Close Through Conflict: Strategies for Responding, Not Reacting — An Interview with Alyssa Scarano

About this Episode Many couples find themselves caught in unproductive loops of reactivity, defensiveness, and miscommunication, often rooted in old patterns and unhealed wounds. If you’ve ever felt stuck repeating the same arguments, or struggled to respond with empathy instead of reacting on autopilot, you’re not alone. Conflict doesn’t have to drive you and your partner apart. In fact, the way you handle disagreements might be the very thing that brings you closer together or pushes you further away. In this episode, you’ll discover practical strategies for staying close through conflict by learning to respond rather than react. You’ll hear about how early family dynamics shape our adult responses, why curiosity can be a game-changer, and why true empathy starts with self-compassion. Through insightful metaphors like comparing relationships to yoga practice or learning to slow down a speeding car—you’ll find tools to recognize when you’re becoming triggered, regulate your emotions, and open space for meaningful, connected conversations. Whether your relationship is feeling the strain of busy daily life or you simply want to deepen your ability to navigate challenges together, this episode offers actionable guidance for building lasting intimacy through the most difficult moments. Alyssa Scarano, LPC, NCC, is the Founder and Clinical Director of The Collective Therapy & Wellness. Known for her empathetic and compassionate approach, Alyssa views her work as a profound privilege—an opportunity to be invited into the most intimate and vulnerable parts of her clients’ lives. Specializing in relationships, she is dedicated to helping individuals heal from childhood trauma, break generational patterns, and cultivate meaningful, authentic connections with others by first supporting them in fostering self-compassion. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights  07:24 How family of origin shapes our conflict responses. 10:51 Understanding childhood defense mechanisms’ lasting impact in relationships. 11:52 Adaptive responses and personal growth. 15:25 Mindful resilience through yoga. 19:35 Impact of stress and daily life on relationship dynamics. 24:06 Mapping family history and trigger awareness in couples work. 28:51 Healing challenges and emotional triggers. 32:40 Relationship dynamics and challenges. 38:55 Managing emotions and setting boundaries when one partner does more emotional work. 41:43 Slowing down reactivity: practical tools for emotional awareness. 46:16 Concrete steps for repair and connection after conflict. Mentioned Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Alyssa Scarano Websites: collective-therapy.com Facebook: facebook.com/collective.therapy.wellness Instagram: instagram.com/live.collective.wellness Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 486: Breaking the Blame Loop: Forgiveness as a Path to Deeper Intimacy — An Interview with Dara McKinley

About this Episode Are you stuck in a cycle of blame and resentment, wondering why forgiveness feels so elusive even though everyone says it’s the key to inner peace? Many of us hear that forgiving others will set us free, but when we try to let go of anger or seek justice for betrayals and hurts, practical steps are hard to find and genuine relief can feel out of reach. What if forgiveness isn’t just about pardoning or forgetting, but something deeper—something that could pave the way to real healing and even deeper intimacy? In this episode, listeners are invited to re-examine forgiveness from a fresh, practical, and spiritual perspective. Instead of relying on vague promises or traditional definitions, the conversation delves into tangible steps for breaking out of the blame loop, nurturing the parts of ourselves most in need, and using unconditional love as a powerful tool for restoration. Whether you're dealing with everyday resentments in a long-term partnership or coping with a profound betrayal, you'll walk away with actionable insights and a renewed sense of personal empowerment to move from conflict to true connection. After studying psychology and alternative spirituality for most of her life, an unlikely turn of events pointed Dara McKinley toward the forgiveness path. Examined through the lens of her previous knowledge, she discovered that forgiveness is actually much bigger than one’s ability to pardon as well as a healing modality. Feeling called to help those deterred by mainstream forgiveness definitions, today Dara guides people beyond popular forgiveness understandings and into a practical spiritual process that restores peace. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights  07:02 How mainstream forgiveness definitions can fall short. 11:28 Vindictive energy, justice, and the personal cost of resentment. 14:40 Dara’s turning point: Discovering a practical forgiveness path. 17:12 Redefining forgiveness beyond pardoning and mainstream expectations. 20:13 Spiritual versus relational love: Navigating conditional and unconditional experiences. 24:09 Three sources of love. 27:19 A journey of self-responsibility and tender attention to the inner wound. 31:13 Practical steps for applying unconditional love to inner healing. 33:51 The negative narrative loop and how forgiveness restores personal power. 36:00 Forgiveness as an alchemical process and shifting perspectives in relationships. 39:59 A case study on resentment and forgiveness in long-term partnerships. 44:50 Boundaries, agreements, and the transformational effects of love. Mentioned The Space Between: The Point of Connection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Dara McKinley Websites: howtoforgive.com | daramckinley.com Facebook: facebook.com/DaraMckinley108 Instagram: instagram.com/daramckinley/?hl=en Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 485: Misused Words, Misunderstood Relationships: How Therapy Speak Can Erode Trust in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Isabelle Morley

About this Episode Words have power. They can heal, but they can also harm when we wield them without fully understanding their meaning. In today’s world, the language of therapy is everywhere, filtering from clinicians’ offices into viral social media posts, heated arguments, and everyday conversations. But with this widespread use comes a hidden problem. When words like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” or “toxic” are misused or weaponized in our relationships, they not only muddy honest communication—they erode trust, block growth, and can even do real damage to our connections with others. In this episode, listeners are invited to take a nuanced look at how “therapy speak” has crept into our relationship vocabulary and why this isn’t always a good thing. Through real-world examples and professional insight, you’ll learn where the line lies between helpful self-expression and language that shuts down vulnerability, repair, and intimacy. By unpacking the ways therapeutic labels can become conversational weapons, this discussion offers practical guidance to help you communicate more consciously, challenge your own assumptions, and foster deeper, more authentic connection—with yourself and with the people you care about most. Isabelle Morley, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and an EFT-certified couples therapist (emotionally focused therapy). She is the author of They’re Not Gaslighting You, and a contributing author to Psychology Today in her blog Love Them or Leave Them. In philanthropic work, Dr. Morley is a founding board member of The Unscripted Cast Advocacy Network (UCAN) Foundation. She has a private practice providing couples therapy and coaching in the Boston area. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights  06:37 How social media fuels therapy speak and misuse of clinical terms. 09:08 The comfort of labels and the human drive for clear answers. 10:54 How diagnosing others and misuse of DSM terms can create unnecessary confusion, reinforce stereotypes, and affect our relationships and mental health conversations. 18:53 Differentiating between abusive and unskilled behavior in relationships. 37:17 Signals that invite self-reflection. 42:00 Approaching sensitive topics with partners and setting boundaries. 46:42 What trauma bonding truly is, and why understanding its meaning matters. 49:02 How the widespread and casual use of therapy speak can dilute and distort the original meaning of these terms. 51:43 Preserving the integrity of clinical terms and the power of conscientious communication. Mentioned They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 410: What Are The Signs Of Emotional Immaturity In Relationship? ERP 411: What Are The Signs Of Emotional Immaturity In Relationship? Part Two ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & The Difference Between Emotional Immaturity And Emotional Abuse? Part Three ERP 416: What To Consider If You Are In a Relationship With An Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four ERP 418: How To Build More Emotional Maturity In Relationship — Part Five ERP 261: How To Strengthen Your Relationship From A Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges Connect with Dr. Isabelle Morley Websites: drisabellemorley.com Instagram: instagram.com/drisabellemorley LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/isabelle-morley-psyd-579a4746 Podcast: romcomrescue.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 484: Unpacking Your Money Story: How Money Trauma Shows up in You—and Your Relationship — An Interview with Shannah Game

About this Episode Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s woven into the fabric of our emotions, relationships, and even sense of self-worth. Have you ever noticed how anxiety, stress, or even shame can surface when dealing with finances, both individually and in your most intimate partnerships? If conversations about money leave you feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. The underlying emotional stories and even traumas we carry about money can impact not only our bank accounts but also our ability to connect and thrive in relationships. In this episode, you are invited to explore how our money stories are shaped by past experiences, emotional patterns, and even generational beliefs. The conversation opens the door to understanding money wounds, the somatic signals tied to financial stress, and ways to bring curiosity rather than judgment to our financial behaviors. Through practical exercises and compassionate dialogue, this episode provides actionable strategies to help you unravel your relationship with money, build greater awareness, and start healing both individually and with your partner. Whether you’re looking to reduce conflict, foster transparency, or simply feel more empowered and secure with your finances, this episode offers valuable insight for taking those first transformative steps. Shannah Game is a financial expert, Certified Trauma of Money Specialist, and host of Everyone’s Talkin’ Money, a top money podcast with over 26 million downloads. With 20+ years of experience, she helps people transform their relationship with money to build wealth unapologetically. Her book, Unraveling Your Relationship with Money, explores money trauma and financial empowerment. Shannah’s work is bold, relatable, and designed to help you take control of your money and life. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights  06:59 How to begin exploring the emotional side of money. 12:33 The ‘relationship with money’ concept and its lifelong impact. 17:11 The power of ‘enough’ and the impact of social messaging on money perceptions. 21:10 Happiness, wealth, and the moving goalpost. 24:12 Why it’s not just about the math: The importance of money conversations. 26:46 Hidden money scripts and the real source of couples’ money arguments. 28:17 Attachment styles, money personalities, and navigating differences in relationships. 33:04 Processing personal money histories and the value of self-awareness. 36:05 Generational money trauma and the inheritance of financial fears. 39:01 Identifying money wounds and taking steps towards financial healing. 43:39 Envisioning your ‘money hero story’ and shifting into possibility. 45:00 Building healthy money dynamics in relationships: communication, curiosity, and practical tools. Mentioned Unraveling Your Relationship with Money (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Connect with Shannah Game Websites: everyonestalkinmoney.com YouTube: youtube.com/@shannahgame Instagram: instagram.com/shannahgame TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shannahgame Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/everyones-talkin-money/id957163760 Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.