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Patch #153 - Does Listening to a Book Count?

Christian notices that some of the old European men in his neighbourhood have netted their fruit trees - but left others completely uncovered. Does that mean the uncovered ones are fair game? At what point does abundance become an invitation? And is it trespassing if you're just grabbing a lemon? The boys try to draw the line between community generosity and petty theft, working through the hierarchy of who deserves the fruit first. Dion wouldn't bat an eye if someone took his basil. Josh isn't buying it. A doorbell sketch is attempted and immediately derailed. Then Josh recounts the delicate social purgatory of being at his partner's friend's 50th birthday and hearing the words "let's get going" - only to spend the next twenty minutes hovering politely while she fires up new conversations on the way out. What's your role when the exit has been called but nobody's actually leaving? Do you engage? Do you hover? And is ordering another drink a signal that you've given up, or the smartest move available? Plus: Can you say you've read a book if you've only listened to it? Dion gets into an argument with a near-stranger about audiobooks and immediately regrets it. Christian confesses to a recurring six-month Kindle cycle. And the boys wrestle with the strange shame of not being a reader - and whether "I'm enjoying this book" is the loophole we've all been looking for.Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Patch #152 - Is Sewing A Button A Basic Skill?

Why won't Josh commit to an arrival time? When he says "I'm 25 minutes away," is that best practice or is it just forcing everyone else to do maths? And at what point does "I'm heading off now" become a riddle? This week, a friend's shirt button pops off and ignites a surprisingly heated argument about what counts as a basic skill. Can you sew a button? Should you be able to? The boys try to define where the line sits — is it about complexity, or whether you can pick it back up after years of not doing it? Cooking makes the list. Knots spiral into nautical territory. Christian can't tie things off. Dion can't navigate his own neighbourhood. Josh floats the idea that sweeping is so intuitive it barely qualifies. And somehow, the question of whether you should know where the studs are in your own walls becomes genuinely existential. Plus: Dion steps in dog shit and it becomes a full strategic debrief. Stick or tap first? Is a leaf ever acceptable? Josh nervously pitches the pebble method. Christian insists on hot water from the laundry tap. And the group reflects on the golden age of stepping in dog shit — and why it just doesn't happen like it used to. When did YouTube become our parents, and how long until prompt engineering is the new sewing a button? Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Patch #151 - Where Do You Wait For Friends Outside The Toilets?

We're back! After 160 days away, a refreshed studio, and some very big life updates, we ease back into the important stuff - like underwear. Josh is staring down the barrel of doubling his underwear usage, and he doesn't like it. Christian walks us through his two-pair rotation system while Dion tries to map out the maths. How many pairs do you own? When do you retire a pair with a hole in it? And would you ever donate used undies? Then we revisit the night Christian and Josh went to see The Presets and split up at the toilet block. What followed was a ten-minute standoff where both men were absolutely certain they were standing in the most logical spot. Josh chose the path of travel. Christian chose the thoroughfare. Neither could see the other. We ask: when you lose someone outside a bathroom at an event, where do you stand? How long do you wait before giving up? And does going back to the group without them count as a confrontation? Finally, Christian reveals he's been reading his text messages aloud while typing them — and wonders whether that's a courtesy or a cry for help. Plus: the etiquette of being on your phone in someone's company, Josh's $40 Aldi smartwatch that can't tell the time, and whether 151 is a prime number (it is). Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Patch #150 Livestream - Is This How You Celebrate 150 Episodes?

After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording. How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or grow as people? Can a single WhatsApp message — “So we record tomorrow night?” — spark eight years of overthinking? And is it possible to look back fondly on a show that has spent more time debating calendars, microwaves and recycling etiquette than producing anything of real value? Across Patch 150, Christian, Dion and Josh: Look back on their early days — dodging vacuum cleaners in borrowed boardrooms, dreaming up terrible theme songs, and accidentally almost making a current affairs show. Revisit iconic segments like Oh Wow, complete with a very special surprise cameo. Discover that some opinions can change (you probably shouldn’t throw a full jar of kimchi straight into the bin) while others remain uncomfortably fixed (like how to microwave leftovers without scorching your fingertips). Play a chaotic round of Patchwork Trivia Reflect on eight years of shared milestones: house moves, breakups, pandemics, and the strange intimacy of a community built entirely on dissecting the minutiae of life. Listen to Patch 150 and find out whether we crossed the line from nostalgia into self-indulgence.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Patch #149 – Do You Know How Loudly You Chew?

We begin with Josh’s so-called “worst idea ever”: a heated debate about monitor timeout settings that morphs into a discussion about energy saving, screen burn, and whether you can feel your password in your fingers. Then Dion unveils a mysterious crack on his phone’s screen protector—but can’t recall how it happened. Josh is appalled. Christian is strangely sympathetic. Later, we find ourselves in a crowded venue with Josh, hyper-aware he’s blocking a walkway but too polite to say anything. Do you instinctively manage group positioning in public spaces, or would you rather blend in and suffer silently? Finally, Dion tries to eat a chip. But how loud is too loud? We ask: can you tell how noisy your own chewing is? Do you pace your bites? Would you buy concert-proof lolly wrappers? Plus: silent ten-pin bowling, mismatched perceptions of sporting ability, and a surprise theory about crowd flow and height. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.