Decoding the Gurus

Gurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway

In this Gurometer double bill, Matt and Chris break out the much-sought-after Gurometer™ to score Teal Swan and Scott Galloway across the 11 recurring guru traits. In one efficient episode, we compare cosmic-certified spirituality with secular man-talk (and a surprising amount of puffer-jacket merchandising). As a bonus, get ready to thrill at Matt's eternal puzzlement at his own simple binary question of 'guru-osity'.LinksGurometer scores to dateThe full episode is available for Patreon subscribers (51 mins).Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurusGurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway00:00 Back to the Gurometer: Teal and Scott02:33 Galaxy Brain-ness04:18 Cultishness05:25 Anti-Establishmentarianism08:31 Grievance Mongering10:55 Self Aggrandisement and Narcissism 14:30 Cassandra Complex18:03 Revolutionary Theories21:49 Pseudo-Profound Bullshit26:07 Conspiracy Mongering28:50 Excessive Profiteering36:25 Moral Grandstanding40:33 Overall Gurometer Score41:27 Rapid Fire Bonus Guru Points

Supplementary Material 46: Epstein Did Microtransactions, Grok Did Nothing Wrong, and Murder is Bad

In our never-ending quest to alienate all potential online audiences, we finger-wag about rampant Epstein conspiracism and explain why we are, on balance, anti-murder.The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (2 hours, 42 minutes).Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurusIn our never-ending quest to alienate all potential online audiences, we finger-wag about rampant Epstein conspiracism and explain why we are, on balance, anti-murder.00:00 Intro03:39 Flooding Adventures06:54 Eric's Troubles with his Silicon Friend13:09 Peter Boghossian's Hardcore for Grok17:16 A Promising Paper on reducing AI Hallucinations22:17 Statistical Consults23:12 Epstein Discourse Lollapalooza27:24 Eric Weinstein thinks Epstein is connected to UFOs29:09 Rogan Plays Apologist for Trump on Epstein32:21 Emma Vigeland and Joshua Citarella engage in Conspiracy Hypothesising35:07 Reasonable Conspiracy Theorising42:24 The Real Conspiracy44:26 Epstein and Ghislaine puppeting the culture wars48:18 The Joy of Conspiracy Theories53:29 Epstein and Bannon created QAnon as a Psyop01:01:37 What about ritual child abuse, dissolving bodies and cannibalism?01:09:05 Lurid Cannibal Fantasies01:15:56 Emma's UFO theory01:20:08 The Joe Roganification of Podcasts and some strategic disclaimers01:24:14 A dichotomy in contemporary American attitudes to Wealth?01:28:32 The Mainstream Media won't focus on Epstein's connections with Israel and Mossad01:32:08 The REAL Epstein scandal that no one wants to talk about01:34:36 Behind the Bastards coverage of Epstein01:36:01 Epstein's alleged role in creating microtransactions in games01:40:46 Epstein's cringey Edutainment ideas01:50:53 What Robert Evans Got Wrong01:54:08 There are No Coincidences02:00:57 The Danger of Appealing Narratives and also... Michael Tracey02:06:00 The Anti-Murder Podcast02:07:47 Warren Smith highlights Violent Rhetoric aimed at Konstantin02:14:12 Justifying Murder is Bad... M'Kay?02:17:55 Experiences of Violence and Naivety02:21:16 Levels of Political Violence02:23:49 Destiny's Community and Edgy Political Violence Takes02:27:56 Alienating online audiences 10102:30:14 Eric talks wormholes with a UFO maniac02:35:28 Lord of the Idiots02:36:18 Does Matt know Snorlax?02:39:43 A failed disclaimer outroLinksErik arguing with GrokBoghossian’s hardcore rules for GrokH-Neurons: On the Existence, Impact, and Origin of Hallucination-Associated Neurons in LLMs (Gao et al., 2025)YouTube comment under our NXIVM video about EpsteinPeople article claiming Epstein was Putin’s Wealth ManagerTaylor Lorenz – Panic World: How Epstein Warped the Entire InternetGarbage Day: “Here’s How Epstein Broke the Internet”Eric Weinstein on Piers Morgan connecting Epstein to UFOs and his “research”Triggernometry’s 7th appearance on RoganAmerican Alchemy: Eric Weinstein & Eric Davis on WormholesBBC: Ex-police chief said Trump told him in 2006 “everyone” knew about Epstein’s behaviourJoshua Citarella & Emma Vigeland – Epstein, Conspiracy & Right-wing Media | DoomscrollPew Research: Demographics of the Progressive Left in the United StatesDebunking claims about Ghislaine Maxwell being a Reddit power modObama did not say aliens are real – PBS NewsHourNBC News: Epstein’s relationship with Ehud BarakAl Jazeera: What were Jeffrey Epstein’s links to Israel?Warren Smith’s post about threats from Digital GnosisDigital Gnosis Substack statementDestiny’s Head Mod Confronts Him On His RhetoricEric Weinstein Demands UFO Secrets From Pentagon ScientistEpstein email documentsEmail from Pablos Holman to Epstein (document 1)Email from Pablos Holman to Epstein (document 2)Email from Pablos Holman to Epstein (document 3)Epstein forwarding Holman’s email to Bobby KotickPablos Holman responding and dunking on Kotick

Blindboy, Part 2: Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

In Part 2, Matt and Chris return to Blindboy, now broadcasting from a solar-powered podcast and therefore morally unimpeachable. The darkness, however, remains. Having established in Part 1 that the global elite are a vampiric class of depraved blackmailers who traffic children and delight in cruelty, in Part 2, Blindboy offers us some welcome relief in the form of answering the question of what it looks like to be one of the good ones. You may be surprised to learn that it involves a missing dressing room, muddy socks, and a loyalty to small-time promoters that some might call heroic.The episode also traces an ambitious historical arc: from street gangs in 1800s Limerick to the New York underworld, Meyer Lansky, Roy Cohn, CIA brothels and LSD interrogation programmes, and eventually to Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein. The connecting thread is a continuous tradition of sexual blackmail passed from master to apprentice that has, apparently, been quietly guiding Western (criminal) civilisation for the better part of two centuries. Matt and Chris sift through the historical material, examine the leaps required to keep the chain intact, and consider whether a conspiracy hypothesis that explains quite so much, quite so neatly, might deserve a small dose of skepticism. As you might anticipate, the episode features discussions of many of our old friends, including strategic disclaimers, moral grandstanding, and layered preemptive defences. Finally, get ready to learn who the real villain is, when the mask is finally removed.... spoiler: it's neoliberal capitalism. A revelation that some listeners may have suspected from the very beginning.LinksBlindboy: A Deep Dive into Jeffrey EpsteinThe Rest is Classified: Was Epstein a Russian Spy?Epstein Files Declassified: Mossad, Israel, and Ghislaine MaxwellEpstein Files Declassified: Was he a Spy?The Saville Inquiry Report on Bloody Sunday (2010)BBC Panorama reporting on the British Army’s Military Reaction Force (MRF)Popular Mechanics article on Operation Midnight ClimaxUS Senate Church Committee report on MK-Ultra and CIA covert experimentation and the archived reportNY Times: What Donald Trump Learned From Joseph McCarthy’s Right-Hand ManA less conspiratorial but more sympathetic perspective on Epstein's influence by Taylor Lorenz and Ryan BroderickAn in-depth critical review of Whitney Webb's book (by an academic who might be a little conspiracy-prone themselves)Webb, W. A. (2022). One Nation Under Blackmail-Vol. 1: The Sordid Union Between Intelligence and Crime That Gave Rise to Jeffrey Epstein, VOL. 1. Trine Day

Blindboy, Part 1: Unmasking the Evil Elite Cabal

In this episode, Matt and Chris turn their attention to Blindboy Boatclub, the Irish podcaster, satirist, and former member of the Rubberbandits. Blindboy is recognisable for his plastic-bag headwear, which has transitioned from a comedy prop into something a bit deeper and more philosophical. His podcast blends ASMR-style delivery, stream-of-consciousness storytelling, and cultural and political commentary, drifting between reflections on mental health, colonialism, Irish history, and the origins of the month of February. It is a distinctive format: whispered monologues over gentle piano where poetic association, personal reflection, and narrative intuition take precedence. For many listeners, that unique mixture of introspection, politics, and storytelling is exactly the appeal. As you might imagine, it is not entirely our bag, but to each their own.However, when Blindboy turns his attention to the recent Epstein document releases, the narrative becomes considerably darker and drifts into some familiar gurusphere territory. Blindboy describes this as a “phone call episode”, an unscripted stream-of-consciousness riff with minimal fact-checking, and then proceeds to expound for over an hour on a sprawling narrative connecting elite conspiracies to the hidden psychological forces shaping modern politics. Along the way we encounter a parade of lurid spectacles, including necrophilic Hell’s Angels, secret society members masturbating in coffins, murdered women buried on Trump’s golf course, potentially cannibalistic elites, and healthcare CEOs who delight in causing pain and misery. We also discover the crucial, if previously underappreciated, role that Jeffrey Epstein apparently played in the creation of the modern culture wars.As usual, the goal is not to adjudicate the politics involved but to examine the rhetorical and epistemic patterns at play. What happens when a charismatic storyteller combines emotionally compelling narratives with speculative leaps? How do strategic disclaimers like “I’m not saying it’s true” interact with extended conjecture? And why do some conspiracy frameworks feel persuasive when wrapped in an appealing ideological package? Matt and Chris listen through Blindboy’s riff to see how well the arguments hold up once the plinky-plonk piano fades and the claims are examined in the cold light of day.LinksBlindboy: A Deep Dive into Jeffrey EpsteinBlindboy: Butter Melting Down The Neck Of A Warm HorseThe Guardian: ‘I have a bag on my head. Deal with it!’ Is Blindboy the perfect podcaster?The Rubberbandits: Horse OutsideBobby Fingers' performance art on YouTubeJake Tapper shared the removed DOJ documents that contain allegations against TrumpA detailed debunking of the claim that Ghislaine Maxwell was a Reddit Mod2013 article covering approval for Trump’s family cemetery2016 New Yorker Article about Trump wanting to be buried at his golf courseThe Verge: Christopher Pool ‘moot’ rejects the claims about Epstein creating the 4chanRon Rosenbaum’s 1977 article on the Skull and Bones society initiationsAmerica's Secret Establishment: An Introduction to the Order of Skull & Bones (Sutton, 1986)Atlantic Article from 2000 that mentions the coffin masturbation rumourArticle from the NYT: How The Times Is Digging Into Millions of Pages of Epstein FilesThe Rest is Classified: Was Epstein a Russian Spy?Epstein Files Declassified: Mossad, Israel, and Ghislaine MaxwellEpstein Files Declassified: Was he a Spy?Le Monde: Some consequences for the Sultan who Epstein messaged about the torture videoBBC: Luigi Mangione will not face the death penalty if convicted, judge rulesAn in-depth critical review of Whitney Webb's book (by an academic who might be a little conspiracy prone themselves)2022 Podcast featuring Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) discussing his views on healthcareCritical examination of the headline denial rate of UnitedHealthcare2024 US Senate Report on Insurance Denials under Medicare Advantage Insurers

Decoding Academia: Moral Entrepreneurs, Measurement Issues, & Screentime with Andrew Przybylski (Patreon Preview)

Another episode where the guest is not a sense-making prophet or a galaxy-brained guru, as we engage in academic dialogos with Oxford psychologist Andrew Przybylski. This is a preview of our Decoding Academia series on Patreon (now 30+ episodes deep), where we swap internet gurus and rhetoric for actual researchers and empirical debates.Andrew’s work spans motivation, gaming, and digital technology. His most recent crime is that he studies the impact of technology and has not found evidence that it is destroying wellbeing and ushering in civilisational collapse. We discuss the ongoing moral panic around smartphones, social media, and teenagers’ allegedly pulverised minds and why much of the debate rests on statistical techniques roughly equivalent to staring deeply at Excel spreadsheets and hammering SPSS until the desired narrative appears.We get into measurement problems around “screen time,” why trivially small correlations become front-page catastrophes, and how the discourse rewards confident storytelling far more than (boring) careful causal inference. Also covered: cross-cultural evidence, the policy implications of airport pop science bestsellers, and the potential civilisational threat posed by Warhammer 40k.If you enjoy episodes where we analyse methods rather than metaphysics, the full Decoding Academia series lives on Patreon.Relevant Research (Przybylski & collaborators)Andrew's Academic Profile and Personal WebsiteFassi, L., Ferguson, A. M., Przybylski, A. K., Ford, T. J., & Orben, A. (2025). Social media use in adolescents with and without mental health conditions. Nature human behaviour, 9(6), 1283-1299.Vuorre, M., & Przybylski, A. K. (2023). Estimating the association between Facebook adoption and well-being in 72 countries. Royal Society open science, 10(8).Vuorre, M., Orben, A., & Przybylski, A. K. (2021). There is no evidence that associations between adolescents’ digital technology engagement and mental health problems have increased. Clinical Psychological Science, 9(5), 823-835.Orben, A., & Przybylski, A. K. (2019). The association between adolescent well-being and digital technology use. Nature human behaviour, 3(2), 173-182.Orben, A., Dienlin, T., & Przybylski, A. K. (2019). Social media’s enduring effect on adolescent life satisfaction. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 116(21), 10226-10228.Przybylski, A. K., & Weinstein, N. (2017). A large-scale test of the goldilocks hypothesis: quantifying the relations between digital-screen use and the mental well-being of adolescents. Psychological science, 28(2), 204-215.Johannes, N., Vuorre, M., & Przybylski, A. K. (2021). Video game play is positively correlated with well-being. Royal Society open science, 8(2), 202049.Przybylski, A. K., Rigby, C. S., & Ryan, R. M. (2010). A motivational model of video game engagement. Review of general psychology, 14(2), 154-166.