Delight Your Marriage

509-Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold

Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold We get so caught up in the now—our needs, our feelings, our expectations—that we forget: this isn't forever. And when it comes to your marriage, your mindset matters more than you know. What if the goal isn't just earthly happiness… but eternal impact? Let's shift our gaze from the temporary to the eternal—from trying to fix our spouse to faithfully loving them like Jesus. Because your marriage assignment? It impacts eternity. A Marriage Mindset That Reaches for Heaven If marriage is your god, you'll do it your way. You'll chase validation, push for change, demand your rights, and stew in resentment when your spouse doesn't meet your expectations. But if God is your God, and marriage is your assignment, you'll do it His way. You'll put your spouse before your ministry, before your work, before the kids. You'll think about loving them the way they receive love. You care about peace, patience, kindness, and self-control in your marriage. You value reconciliation and you stop praying, "God, fix my spouse so I feel better," and start praying, "God, draw them closer to You." It's a radical shift in your marriage mindset. And it changes everything. Eternal Marriage Mindset: Your Assignment Is Bigger Than You Think Think about this: your spouse isn't just your husband or wife. They're your brother or sister in Christ. One day, they will stand before Jesus just like you will. What if your daily choices helped them be more ready for that moment? That's the eternal marriage mindset. It's not about temporary comfort—it's about eternal glory. You're not just trying to survive your marriage. You're trying to love your spouse all the way to the streets of gold! And, by God's grace, you'll be dancing there together one day. You only get one marriage with this person. One chance to love them well. One life to serve them, selflessly. And if that service brings them closer to Jesus? It's worth every ounce of sacrifice. Streets of Gold and a Big Ol' Mansion Next Door But all joking aside, imagining heaven should stir our hearts. Because eternity is real. And that means what you do in this short vapor of a life matters. If you need help fixing your gaze upward, here's a powerful recommendation: Wild Near-Death Experiences: Proof of Heaven | John Burke | Ep:365 from the Blurry Creatures podcast. John is a former pastor, engineer, and researcher who has explored over 1,000 verified near-death experiences—and the common themes are stunning. Even from those with no faith background, many report seeing a being of love, a city of light, a life review… all pointing to the reality of heaven. His ministry, Imagine Heaven, invites us to live today in light of eternity. And wow—is it motivating. When we meditate on the realness of what's ahead, our marriage takes on deeper purpose. It becomes a divine assignment with eternal weight. It's Not About Them, It's About You: Taking Ownership in Your Marriage Here's the hard truth: You will stand before God alone. You won't be able to say, "But my husband didn't…" or "But my wife never…" This journey isn't about controlling your spouse—it's about surrendering your own heart. If your marriage is struggling, start by asking: Am I doing this God's way? Am I praying for their character, not just my comfort? Am I serving them with an eternal mindset—or demanding love on my terms? The shift starts in you. Final Thoughts: Marriage Is Temporary. Your Influence Isn't. Heaven is coming. And when you get there—your mansion sparkling, the streets of gold beneath your feet—will your spouse be dancing beside you? Will your love have drawn them closer to Jesus? Will your sacrifices have sown eternal seeds? Friend, your influence matters. Every word, every action, every reaction has a chance to draw them closer to Jesus. So soften your heart. Adjust your mindset. And do marriage well—not for earthly gain, but for eternal glory. We are rooting for you!   Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Want help living this out? We would love to walk alongside you. Start with a free Clarity Call and talk with someone who's been there, seen God work, and is ready to cheer you on. PPS - Have you seen the impact of this work in your life and wish more people knew about it? We are launching our In-Person Training program globally in January 2026. For more information on bringing this program to your church (or small group or work or wherever you meet!), please email office@delightyourmarriage.com. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The biggest area I have grown is in my relationship with the Lord.  I have a deeper walk and appreciate struggles as they point me to Jesus.  Our marriage has grown as well.  We are deeper in love and we are heading to our finish lines of life, united as a couple."

508-How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey's Story

How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey's Story Marriage is holy work. Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!" I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you'll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love. This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand gestures or big sweeping shifts that changed his marriage, but small, daily, consistent habits that brought it God's love, peace, and patience into his marriage. Changing Your Priorities: When Hard Work is Leading to Disconnect Harvey and his wife have been married nearly 37 years. Together, they raised four kids and built a life on their dairy farm. For decades, he worked two full-time jobs—teaching high school by day and farming by night. He says, "Every day was between 12 to 16 hours. My wife was incredibly supportive, but I just wasn't there emotionally." Maybe you can relate. Life's responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, years have passed. You're functioning—but not really connecting. Despite his faith and commitment, Harvey admits that emotional and spiritual intimacy were missing. He wanted closeness, but didn't know how to get there. A Different Kind of Prayer—and a Different Kind of Growth After retiring from teaching, Harvey finally had space to seek help. He'd been listening to our podcast for years and decided it was time to join Masculinity Reclaimed, our men's program. The first surprise? It wasn't about changing his wife! It was about learning to love her the way Christ loves the Church. He started with one habit: daily time with God. Reading Scripture. Praying. Reflecting. And eventually, he began praying with his wife in the mornings—a completely new rhythm in their 36 years together. That quiet time, over coffee and prayer, became a beautiful and cherished time for emotional connection. The Turning Point: Accepting Your Wife as She Is Halfway through the program, Harvey realized that for years, he had been looking at his wife through the lens of what she wasn't. She wasn't this, she wasn't that... But when he stopped trying to change her and started accepting her for who she is, the woman he fell in love with, the woman she had always been, rather than who he hoped she might someday become–everything began to shift. That acceptance made her feel safe. Seen. Loved. And when a woman feels safe, her heart opens. His wife began to blossom before his very eyes and the connection Harvey had longed for finally began to grow. The Habits That Build a Marriage Here's the truth: marriage is a system of habits. Paul says, if you're married, you will have trouble. (1 Corinthians 7:28) You'll have to think about how to please your spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Are you in the habit of thinking about your spouse? Are you in the habit of considering them and putting them first? Are you in the habit of encouraging, loving, praying, and serving them? It's not always easy work — but it is good work. Every word, every look, every morning prayer can help build connection. That's why transformation doesn't happen overnight. It happens in the daily choices. Final Thoughts Friends, you don't have to wait to start changing your marriage. Harvey shared with us, "I wish I had learned these things earlier in my marriage." We want that for you as well!  You don't have to wait to retire or for your kids to be out of the house. You don't have to wait to be a certain age or have been married a certain number of years. You can start investing in your marriage now, today, to say that the next 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage were incredible. That is what we want for you. And we know, that no matter where your marriage is at right now, it can change. Just ask Harvey. We are rooting for you and we know that we serve a God who makes all things new– and that includes marriages.   God bless you!   With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - If you're ready to take the next step and get into a community that knows what it's like and are doing the hard work themselves– we'd love to chat with you. Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call Advisors and take the next step in healing your marriage. PPS - Are you a fan of this work and wish more people knew about it? We are launching an In-Person Training program this January and we would love to come to your church, workplace, community group, or wherever you gather! For more information, visit our In-Person Training page. PPPS - Here is what another recent grad had to say about our program: "I've become more contented and patient and focused on [my wife's] needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win!"

507-"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable

"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." That's the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here's a hard truth I've learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble. Why "Family First" Doesn't Work I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, "You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first." His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise. When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home. That's not stability. That's shifting sand. We see the effects of this all around us. Divorce rates hover around 50%. Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them. Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their "best" can't hold up when life gets hard. The Biblical Order That Brings Stability Scripture gives us the right order: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself." — Mark 12:30–31 That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God. Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first. When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit. Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place. Feelings Aren't God—God's Word Is We live in a "follow your feelings" culture. If you don't feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren't truth. God's Word is. You're serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory. Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires. Scripture is clear: "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you." — 1 Corinthians 7:5 That's not about coercion or obligation—it's about love expressed God's way. When I choose intimacy with my husband, it's not because I feel like it every time. It's because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage. Marriage as a Path to Holiness Author Gary Thomas famously asked, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?" The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows. That's why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework: Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy. Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished. We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other. (You can download the full framework at DelightYourMarriage.com/framework.) The Power of God's Word to Transform David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That's how powerful God's Word is—it changes us from the inside out. If you're struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word. Not scrolling. Not skimming. Reading. Slowly. With a heart open to hear God. Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you. Final Thoughts If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it's not too late to turn it around. He is a safe person to put your trust in. You can trust His Word and His design. It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors. PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more. PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:"The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result. She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level! Thanks DYM!"

506-How to Not Have an Affair: Interview with Gary Thomas

It doesn’t start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings. It starts with a smile. A moment of connection. A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you’ve been having at home. You walk away thinking, That was nothing. But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something. If that’s where you find yourself today (or even if you’ve seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath. You’re not broken. You didn't marry the wrong person. You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back. You’re human. And this conversation is meant to bring you hope, not shame. In my conversation with Gary Thomas today—pastor and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage—he shared that when a group of wives was asked "How many times do you think a married man has had extramarital feelings for someone?", they all responded with zero. When he asked the same question to a group of husbands, they all said somewhere from 4 to 6. What we are saying is that attraction and feelings for someone other than your spouse are not often talked about, but are pretty common- for both husbands and wives. And we believe that bringing this into the light will take some of the shame off of these feelings and also help people not to go down a road they think has no return. Gary Thomas on Attraction and Integrity Gary has been married for over 40 years, and he’s seen a lot—as a pastor, counselor, and husband. He told me, “The reason we make a commitment is because we know there will always be another person who draws us for a moment. Commitment means we already know what to do with it—and what not to do with it.” We don’t often talk about attraction outside of marriage unless it’s already turned into an affair. But Gary’s heart is to normalize awareness before it becomes destruction. In our talk, Gary referenced a romantic comedy movie where a married bus driver begins to become attracted to a girl on a bicycle. Finally, a friend of the bus driver gently confronts him and says: “There will always be a girl on the bicycle.” In other words, there will always be someone who catches your eye. The key isn’t pretending that will never happen—it’s learning how to respond when it does. Gary reminded me that having an attraction isn’t the sin. Entertaining it is. The feelings themselves don’t make you unfaithful—they make you human. But where you let those feelings go next? That’s where faithfulness begins. The Subtle Steps Toward an Affair Gary shared that most affairs don’t start with a dramatic choice—they start with small, quiet ones. Little compromises that feel “innocent.” He shared with a story of a woman who did end up having a physical affair. She recounted that it wasn't just one day to the next, but that there were actually several steps that happened before they were physically intimate. She shares that she could have turned back at any of these step, had she known before. She also shares the grief after it was all done at waking up to "just a dude in her bed"– not the escape or rescue or romance the temptation had promised. Here are the steps she shared and the pattern Gary’s seen over and over again: You share marriage frustrations with someone of the opposite sex. You sense a spark—and feel seen or understood. You start caring how you look around them. You think about them when they’re not around. That’s the prelude. It doesn’t feel dangerous yet, but it’s where hearts begin to shift. Gary said, “If you can recognize it early, you can stop it before it ever grows.” From there, people will often begin to have an emotional affair:      5. You fantasize about being together.      6. Manipulating circumstances to spend more time together.      7. You start playful banter or flirtation.      8. Friends notice—and ask what’s going on. This is a wake-up call. Gary said, “If people around you see it, something’s already happening.” They’re seeing what your heart is trying not to admit. Then, comes the actual physical affair:     9. Meeting together in secrecy.     10. Texting or calling in ways you hide from your spouse.     11. Physical intimacy. This is the final step—but it’s never the first. We don't share this to shame. Maybe you've already partaken in some of these steps. We share because it is not too late to turn back. Gary said, “If you know the steps, you can stop at any one of them." When You Have Extramarital Feelings, Here's What to Do If you do end up experiencing feelings or attraction for someone other than your spouse—don’t panic. Don’t spiral into guilt. Instead, bring it into the light. Tell a trusted, godly friend of your same sex. Talk to your spouse if it’s wise to do so. And most importantly—talk to Jesus. Ask Him to help you see the truth: that this isn’t love, it’s a lure. Temptation often feels like relief at first—but always ends in ruin. Then, put up strong, unapologetic guardrails: Stop all unnecessary contact with that person. Don’t text, call, or “just check in.” If you work together, keep everything professional and public. And don’t justify emotional intimacy as “just friendship.” And when your spouse asks you to stop interacting with that person, don't respond with pride. See that they are feeling threatened and care for them deeply in that. As Gary said, “You can’t make your wife (or husband) feel cherished if you’re protecting a relationship that threatens them.” What Makes Us Vulnerable to Affairs Gary also reminded me that temptation doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it finds cracks that already exist. Stress. Loneliness. Unmet needs. Disappointment. He said, “There was a time early in my marriage when everything felt like failure—our baby cried constantly, money was tight, and I felt like I couldn’t get anything right. So when someone made me feel ‘perfect,’ it was intoxicating.” Can’t we all relate to that in some way? When life feels heavy, a moment of admiration feels like oxygen. But the healing you're seeking isn’t found in a new connection—it’s found in deeper connection at home and with the Lord. But that’s why we must run to the right source for validation. Your worth isn’t in who smiles at you—it’s in the God who delights in you.That's right. Not a perfect wife who is doing the perfect things, or a perfect husband who is saying the perfect words. But the Lord who is constant. Guarding Your Heart and Protecting Your Marriage Let Gary’s wisdom anchor you: “Be as faithful to your spouse as God is faithful to you. Be as committed to your marriage as Christ is committed to His Church.” That kind of faithfulness isn’t built on fear—it’s built on love. When you keep Jesus at the center, attraction loses its power and intimacy becomes holy again. So today, ask yourself: What boundaries do I need to strengthen? Where have I let my guard down? And how can I draw closer—to Jesus and to my spouse—starting now? Again, we don't share this to frighten or shame. We are sharing to let you know that if you've had feelings for someone other than your spouse- you are not alone. You are not dirty, you are not broken. It doesn't mean you married the wrong person and it doesn't mean this new person is your soulmate. It means there was attraction and you are human. That is it. We love you and we are rooting for you!   Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Want to bring our material to your churches? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt to learn more about our In-Person Trainings and our January pilot programs! PPS - Ready to take the next step for yourself? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. PPPS - Here's what one of our recent graduates had to say about our program: "My wife and I were roommates at best. I felt that she only wanted me around for a paycheck and to take care of the house. When we had sex it was duty sex where she wasn't present and there was no connection. I hated myself but I was wanting to cheat on her just to feel wanted and desired...[Now,] I have learned about how I was causing problems and putting way too much pressure on my wife...if I am not cheering her on, who is?  The truth was no one was, no wonder she was depressed, withdrawn, and suicidal.  I would be too. I now take pride in knowing that God entrusted her to me to lift her up, cheer her on, show her how good she is, encourage her, listen to her, and cherish her so she can grow...[Recently,] she told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night.  She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her." #marriagepodcast #marriedlife #marriageadvice

505-How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story

How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren’t on the brink of divorce. They aren’t fighting all the time. They actually have a good marriage. But deep down, they know it could be better. That’s exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage. “We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More” Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, “We were not in conflict with each other. We didn’t have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that.” Still, something inside her longed for more. She said to us, “I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better.” She remembered a pastor that had mentioned Delight Your Marriage to her and from there, took the leap of faith to schedule a Clarity Call. And what she discovered surprised her. Through honest reflection and intentional questions, she realized that while her marriage looked peaceful from the outside, her heart was carrying something deeper: resentment. She had no idea that this resentment had snuck into her heart, but once she saw it, she was set on rooting it out. When Self-Pity Sneaks Into a Good Marriage Not only did Jen identify resentment in her heart, but she discovered she had also been carrying self-pity. In listening to an episode of the podcast on self-pity before joining the program, she realized the topic was actually hitting her heart. [For those interested: https://delightyourmarriage.com/393-the-sin-of-self-pity-aka-pride/] In that moment, God started something new. Through the program, Jen learned to let go of resentment and embrace gratitude. She began to see her husband not as someone who wasn’t “doing enough,” but as a man faithfully serving and providing for their family. That simple—but powerful—shift changed everything. The Power of Peace in a Great Marriage As Jen walked through the program, she noticed a transformation in herself. Through the "heart" work, she found that her soul was also being renewed and that God was was reworking things her heart she didn't even know where there. And the result of that heart change? Peace. With Jen getting rid of the resentment, putting aside the self-pity, and bringing in appreciation, compliments, and admiration- it changed the atmosphere of their homes. Jen’s husband even came home one evening during his busiest season, wrapped her in a hug, and said, “Thank you. I’ve noticed how much more peaceful our home has been.” She hadn’t been trying to get him to notice—but he did. What she considered a small change was actually impactful. “It was a change enough that he felt it too” How God Turns a Good Marriage Into a Great One When we allow God to transform us, our marriage begins to shift. Jen said, “Our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy…” Yes, even their physical intimacy changed! Before the program, intimacy was about once a week. Now? “Two or three times,” she said, smiling. And not only has the frequency been upped, but they are enjoying each other more (a major win!) And it wasn’t a formula or manipulation—it was the result of a softened heart. A Christ-Centered Model for Marriage Transformation As a former family life educator in her church, Jen had led marriage classes before. So she was skeptical—could DYM really offer something new? After completing the program, she said, “I haven’t encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well, as what DYM does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, the commitment to Scripture and actually putting it into practice.” Jen’s favorite part? The women’s small group. “A place that’s safe, encouraging, and honest,” she said. “We prayed for each other, celebrated each other’s wins, and shared struggles without fear of judgment. I’ve never experienced community like that.” There’s Always More God Wants to Do in Your Marriage When asked what she’d tell another wife who has a good marriage but knows there’s more, Jen didn’t hesitate: “I think I would just say...wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there’s room for growth, then there’s probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it, go after it...I would, for sure say, do it with DYM, because I think it’s... I think it’s a powerful, powerful program.” Jen’s words remind us that “good” isn’t the goal. God desires great marriages—ones marked by peace, gratitude, and deep connection. Wherever your marriage is at: whether you're separated and not speaking or in a good place but wanting just a little more, we know that God is still working and He can change things for good.   With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Ready to take the leap of faith and make that Clarity Call? Don't hesitate! Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Call advisors at delightym.com/cc or +1 332-239-2379 PPS - Interested in having this program at your church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on joining our Pilot Program! PPPS - Here's is what (another) recent graduate has to say about our program: "Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage... [Now] I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt...I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade."