Cooee, nice to
see you. How’s your first
day? How’s everyone treating
you? Nicely? Really? Even Jill? Oh
that’s nice. I’m amazed she can
still smile; she says it was Bell’s palsy but I think it was Botox. So you can see how special it was for
her to smile for you.
Have you got a boyfriend? You can tell me I’m really discreet. I mean just ask
Jennifer. I didn’t tell anyone
when she was going out with Brian from reprographics, who was married to Jessy
in accounts. They ended up getting
divorced and Jennifer had a telling off from HR. I mean who’d gossip about that and get her into
trouble? I reckon it was Harry the
guy who does security. It’s not
his fault, he just likes a drink.
At lunch time, tea time, well most of the time. Poor guy stuck on that desk all day
long. Do you like a drink? Oh, me?
No, never. Ever come into work
with a hangover? Me? No, never…so, do you have a boyfriend?
Do you think any of the guys working here are hot? Oh no,
workplace romances are always trouble.
Take Jennifer: I mean, she had to take 2 months off work. She said it was back strain, but, my
mate, who works down the pub and knows someone in the NHS, said she had a
breakdown and was in a mental hospital.
Like that Jill, who went on a 6 week holiday to see her cousin in
Australia, but, I reckon she was having a boob job. She went out a C and came back a D; I don’t think the sun
made them grow big.
So have you heard any good gossip? C’mon you’re new; everyone’s indiscreet with the
newbie. It’s about me? What could
there be about me? Oh, that I’m on a final written warning and performance
improvement notice for bullying and harassing other staff members. Well if having a chat is what the
company views as harassment that’s their problem. Do I have a boyfriend? That’s none of your business!