Secure attachment creates resilience to bullying
Ways to “collect” your children
Parents need to leverage their natural authority as the person who knows stuff and gives direction. Rather than google and outsource your authority in front of your child, do the research beforehand if possible. At least, put any internet facts into the context of your family culture.
Be your child’s safe place when they are overwhelmed.
Joan’s client who connected her grandparents’ home with safety
Sometimes feeding your child to comfort them can be alright since it is so primal
“Comfort with Containment” is a reciprocal dynamic between parent and child.
Elementary age grandchild who was asked to contain before the processing
Importance of teaching children to contain their distress to deal with reality away from Mom
Lawnmower Parent vs. Balanced Parenting
Containing distress is an important part of socializing children so that their peers and other adults will not reject the child and the child feels abandoned.
Many times, the behaviors of emoting distress in dramatic ways because habitual. Children can learn to express their distress in socially acceptable ways so that they can access support.
How to comfort others in distress:
Three-part brain description: Reptilian (Brain stem), Mammalian Brain (Limbic system etc), Humanistic Brain (Neocortex)
When a child is distressed, their prefrontal cortex goes offline
You may escalate the stress by trying to problem-solve too soon after the distress.
Instead, hold, comfort and reassure your upset child. Possibly give a bath to relax their bodies.
Soothe a child through their body systems (on the Reptilian Brain level) and through the feeling level (Mammalian brain)
Don’t use too many words when comforting them. Cry with your child if it feels right.
Wrap in a warm blanket, hug them, rock them, put them in a warm bath, feed them from your hand. Sleeping with them, cuddling with them.
Save the problem solving for after the child is comforted.
Warning signs of peer dependence:
One of the tasks for parents is to help their children to become socially acceptable while remaining securely attached to parents.
Small changes are enough to make big results. Choose one thing and implement it.
Create your
podcast in
minutes
It is Free