Tanya Hallett - The Narcissistic Bully: How to escape their trail of destruction

They're charming to leadership, devastating to their team, and almost impossible to catch. In this episode, Tam Callaghan sits down with workplace expert Tanya Hallett to talk about narcissistic bullies at work: what they actually are, why organisations keep missing them, and what to do if you're dealing with one. 

Tanya breaks down the key difference between a standard workplace bully and a narcissistic one, why the second category is in a completely different league, and how the DAVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Order) leaves targets confused, doubting themselves, and unable to articulate what just happened. She also covers what gaslighting actually looks like on the ground, why documentation matters more than you think, and what your real options are if you're in the middle of this. 

This is one of the most practically useful episodes on workplace harm the show has done. Whether you're a leader trying to understand what's happening in your team, or someone trying to survive a difficult situation, this conversation gives you real tools. 

In this episode: 

• The difference between a bully and a narcissistic bully, and why it matters 

• The trail of destruction: what happens to teams when one arrives 

• Why narcissistic bullies are so hard for leaders to spot 

• DAVO explained: deny, attack, reverse victim order 

• How gaslighting erodes confidence and psychological safety 

• What leaders should actually be watching for 

• Thinking like a lawyer: how to build your evidence 

• Practical self-protection: documentation, written follow-ups, limiting verbal contact 

• Your options as a target: cope, escalate, or exit 

• The real cost to organisations that ignore this 

Do Yourself a Favour is available on YouTube: https://linktr.ee/doyourselfafavour_podcast 

Join the conversation! Do Yourself a Favour is on Facebook LinkedIn: https//www.linkedin.com/in/tamaracallaghan/ 

Do Yourself a Favour is recorded at Tailwind Studio: https://www.linkedin.com/company/tailwind-studio 

Formerly known as the 50/50 Podcast. 

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Chapters 

0:00 Intro 

0:09 What People Mean by 'Narcissistic Bully' 

1:06 Trail of Destruction: Team Impact 

3:14 Core Traits: Fragile Ego, Charisma, Managing Up 

5:34 Why Leaders Miss Narcissistic Bullies (Red Flags) 

6:42 DAVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Order Explained 

9:11 Gaslighting Effects: Confidence & Psychological Safety 

11:01 What Leaders Should Watch For (Patterns & Evidence) 

15:33 Think Like a Lawyer: Building Your Evidence 

19:21 Documentation: How to Record Incidents Safely 

20:57 Limit Verbal Contact & Use Written Follow-ups 

24:08 Maintain Professionalism — Don't Stoop Down 

26:40 Compassion as a Coping Tool (Perspective) 

29:00 The 'Ick' Factor: Confusion After Interactions 

31:26 Manager Responses & Possible Outcomes 

33:58 Options for Targets: Cope, Escalate, or Exit 

36:28 Cost to Organisations & Leadership Accountability 

39:34 Closing Remarks & Thanks 

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