Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Lysa Terkeurst exemplifies a Nine Who’s Done the Work

There's a particular kind of courage it takes for a Nine to write a book called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes — and Lysa TerKeurst has earned every word of it. Join us as we revisit Ian's conversation with the New York Times bestselling author to explore what it actually looks like to wake up from the Nine's trance of self-forgetting, find your voice, and learn to hold the line with compassion and clarity.

Lysa gets honest about her own journey: the years of codependency during a long marriage marked by addiction and affairs, the discovery that boundaries aren't walls but communication tools, and the slow, non-linear work of learning to stop diminishing herself to cover for someone else's worst behavior. This episode is essential listening — not only for Nines but for anyone who has ever struggled to say no, set a limit, or walk away from a relationship that was taking more than it was giving.

In this episode, Ian and Lysa discuss:

• The Nine's tendency to self-forget — and how that looks in conflict, breakups, and daily decisions
• Lysa's defining mantra: "I will no longer diminish the best of who I am to cover up for the worst of who someone else is."
• Practical scripts for saying no: "While my heart says yes, the reality of my time makes this a no."
• The difference between compassion and clarity — and why a Nine needs both
• How codependency shows up differently in Twos vs. Nines (and why they're so often confused)
• The dangerous pattern of spiritual bypassing — and how Lysa's therapist called it out

Especially rich for Enneagram Nines and Twos — but every type will find something here worth writing down.

To learn more about Lysa Terkeurst visit www.lysaterkeurst.com or find her on Instagram and Facebook.

You can also pre-order her new book "Making Peace With What I Can't Control" here.