In this episode of Notice That: An EMDR Podcast, we sit down with internationally respected clinician, trainer, and author Deb Wesselmann to explore the powerful intersection of EMDR therapy, attachment wounds, childhood trauma, parenting, and relational healing.Deb shares her decades of experience integrating attachment theory with EMDR therapy, including practical ways therapists can work with children, parents, families, and adults carrying unresolved developmental trauma.We discuss:Why attachment trauma often lives beneath...
In this episode of Notice That: An EMDR Podcast, we sit down with internationally respected clinician, trainer, and author Deb Wesselmann to explore the powerful intersection of EMDR therapy, attachment wounds, childhood trauma, parenting, and relational healing.
Deb shares her decades of experience integrating attachment theory with EMDR therapy, including practical ways therapists can work with children, parents, families, and adults carrying unresolved developmental trauma.
We discuss:
- Why attachment trauma often lives beneath symptoms
- How EMDR can help heal early relational wounds
- Working with children using EMDR
- Family therapy + EMDR integration
- Resourcing trust, safety, and connection
- Parents as part of the healing process
- Parts work / ego states in EMDR
- How therapists become corrective emotional experiences
- Why the therapeutic relationship still matters deeply in trauma work
Deb also shares stories from training with Francine Shapiro in the early days of EMDR and how the field has evolved over time.
If you're an EMDR therapist, trauma therapist, counselor, psychologist, or simply fascinated by healing relationships, this conversation is packed with wisdom.
Learn more about Deb Wesselmann through her website: https://debrawesselmann.com/
Learn more about training and professional development opportunities with Beyond Healing through our website: connectbeyondhealing.com
DETAILED SHOW NOTES
Introduction
Bridger and Jen open the episode by discussing their upcoming EMDR Basic Trainings, hybrid learning model, consultation opportunities, and their emphasis on relationship-centered EMDR training.
Meet Deb Wesselmann
Deb shares her background as:
- Former school teacher
- Therapist for 35+ years
- EMDR clinician since the mid-1990s
- Co-founder of the Attachment and Trauma Center in Nebraska
- Longtime specialist in attachment, trauma, adoption, children, and family healing
Her journey into therapy began through witnessing the unmet emotional needs of children in school settings.
Early EMDR with Francine Shapiro
Deb reflects on training directly with Francine Shapiro when EMDR was still considered “experimental.”
She discusses:
- Why she was initially skeptical
- Her powerful practicum experience
- How EMDR differed from hypnosis
- Why EMDR felt safer, gentler, and more effective for trauma treatment
Why Attachment and EMDR Fit So Well
Deb explains how EMDR naturally supports attachment healing because it helps process:
- mistrust
- abandonment wounds
- relational fear
- unresolved grief
- abuse memories
- developmental trauma
She emphasizes that attachment styles are shaped through experience—not fixed identity.
What Didn’t Happen Matters Too
One of the most powerful moments of the episode:
Healing is not only about processing what happened to clients...
It is also about grieving and repairing what never happened:
- protection
- soothing
- attunement
- nurture
- safety
- emotional co-regulation
Parts Work / Ego States in EMDR
Deb and the hosts discuss:
- ego states
- parts language
- multiplicity of self
- internalized child parts
- wounded protector parts
They explore how parts work deepens EMDR treatment, especially with complex trauma.
Deb’s Integrative Family EMDR Model
Deb outlines her step-by-step model for working with children and families:
Phase 1:
Parent psychoeducation and case conceptualization
Helping parents understand:
- “This is not a bad child.”
- “This is a wounded child in survival mode.”
Phase 2:
Family preparation and regulation work
Including:
- body regulation exercises
- window of tolerance education
- playful nervous system work
- emotional literacy
Phase 3:
Attachment-focused EMDR resourcing
Examples:
- parent-child connection exercises
- messages of love
- soothing touch
- bilateral stimulation paired with relational safety
- healing the “little one inside”
When Parents Are the Barrier
Deb speaks honestly about difficult cases where caregivers are emotionally unsafe, resistant, or abusive.
The hosts discuss how therapists may need to pivot toward:
- supporting the child directly
- grief work
- coping strategies
- becoming a safe relational template
The Therapist as Attachment Resource
A major theme of the conversation:
The therapeutic relationship itself becomes healing data.
Bridger discusses inviting clients to:
“Take my voice with you.”
Meaning:
- internalize compassion
- remember safety
- borrow regulation
- carry supportive relational memory into distress
This is a beautiful section for therapists working with complex trauma.
Why This Episode Matters
This conversation reminds us that EMDR is not merely protocol.
It is also:
- relational
- developmental
- embodied
- attachment-informed
- deeply human
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