Many of us learned very young that sexual violence is “unsayable”. That naming it has consequences. In turn, sexual violence remains endemic, sustained by the silent treatment it is given, and by a society that tolerates such an insatiable appetite for violence without accountability. In this episode, we step into terrains of this damaging silence and ask who it protects, who it punishes, and what it costs to speak out. We begin with memory. Tamanda reflects on the moment she first encountered the word “rape” as a ch...
Many of us learned very young that sexual violence is “unsayable”. That naming it has consequences. In turn, sexual violence remains endemic, sustained by the silent treatment it is given, and by a society that tolerates such an insatiable appetite for violence without accountability.
In this episode, we step into terrains of this damaging silence and ask who it protects, who it punishes, and what it costs to speak out.
We begin with memory. Tamanda reflects on the moment she first encountered the word “rape” as a child, and the shock of being told never to say the word again. We trace how “unsayability” becomes culture - how silence is taught, reinforced and often rewarded by wider society. We examine the instinctive disbelief that greets disclosures of abuse, and the psychological defences that surface when believing someone would require us to confront our own histories.
Then we take the fight for justice to institutions. Universities. Creative industries. And justice systems. We explore what happens when belief demands action, and action threatens power. Why do institutions so often choose disbelief? Why does position protect perpetrators? How do cultures of silence become entrenched through complicity?
Tamanda reflects on navigating sexual misconduct within academic spaces, including the bind of having to cite known perpetrators to move through the system’s assessment hoops. Aiwan examines how the entertainment industry reproduces similar dynamics through scarcity, blurred boundaries and informal power - creating what she calls a “Bermuda triangle” of silence.
We move on to whisper networks. The informal, often women-led circuits of protection that emerge when formal systems repeatedly fail. Discussing their necessity, their limits, and what they reveal about institutional trust.
Throughout, we hold to one principle: safety before testimony. Even in cases where justice is achieved, the process itself can be devastating. With that in mind, we ask: What do survivors truly owe the world? And do unsafe systems deserve our disclosure at all?
In closing, we return to the personal and the practical. To therapy. To allies. To gauging risk. To the hope that even making sense of one’s own experience is a step toward protection.
This is not an episode about individual villains or public scandal. It is about structures. Rather than offering prescriptions or calls to disclosure, we sit with a more difficult truth: that silence is sometimes imposed, sometimes chosen, and sometimes the only viable survival strategy available.
⚠️ Content note: This episode contains discussion of sexual violence, abuse of power and institutional harm. Please take care while listening.
🎙️ In this episode:
- Unsayable from the start: How childhood silence around sexual violence shapes adult speech and shame
- Disbelief as defence: Why the first response to disclosure is often “But do you believe her?”
- Silence by design: How institutions teach, reinforce and reward quiet complicity
- Belief and consequence: Why institutions choose disbelief when belief would demand action
- The Bermuda Triangle of survival: Small industries, reputational risks and the cost of speaking up
- Whisper networks explained: How informal systems of warning emerge when formal systems fail
- Academic entanglement: Citing scholars accused of harm and the structural bind of professional survival
- Men and masculinity: Why patriarchy makes male disclosure uniquely difficult
- Safety before testimony: Why getting to safe matters more than satisfying institutional narratives
- Finding allies and resources: From therapy to the 1752 Group and survivor-led protection networks
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🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/D3cqvxgI0-o
🔁 Share with someone navigating institutional silencing and safety
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