BONUS: Conflict Is the Yellow Brick Road to Success — How Embracing Conflict Transforms Teams and Leaders In this bonus episode, we explore why fear, conflict, and courage sit at the heart of true agility with Dan Tocchini, a leadership catalyst who has spent over four decades helping teams at organizations like ESPN, Disney, and Homeboy Industries break through the human barriers to high performance. Dan shares powerful stories and practical wisdom on how leaders can embrace conflict as a generative force, build trust through vulnerability, and r...
BONUS: Conflict Is the Yellow Brick Road to Success — How Embracing Conflict Transforms Teams and Leaders
In this bonus episode, we explore why fear, conflict, and courage sit at the heart of true agility with Dan Tocchini, a leadership catalyst who has spent over four decades helping teams at organizations like ESPN, Disney, and Homeboy Industries break through the human barriers to high performance. Dan shares powerful stories and practical wisdom on how leaders can embrace conflict as a generative force, build trust through vulnerability, and restructure their teams for genuine agility.
The Power of Vulnerability in Leadership
"I'd rather have it on an honest basis, where she knows what I'm thinking, what I'm aiming at, and we're shoulder to shoulder, not head to head."
Dan's career-defining moment came when he told a CFO at ESPN — while he was competing against McKinsey for the same contract — that she was the problem behind her department's 75% turnover rate. Rather than sugarcoating or deflecting, Dan chose vulnerability and honesty, even at the risk of losing the contract. This radical transparency became his superpower. The CFO hired him, and within six months, turnover dropped to 15%. Dan stayed with ESPN for eight years. The lesson for Scrum Masters and leaders: you can only truly connect with someone if you're willing to be honest, even when it might cost you.
Listening for Openings, Not Outcomes
"Most people listen for outcomes. I listen for openings."
Dan draws a critical distinction between chasing outcomes and discovering openings. When faced with an angry car buyer who felt ripped off, Dan didn't try to close the sale. Instead, he leaned into the conflict, acknowledged the customer's perspective, and opened all the books. The result? A sale with 17% margin — above the dealership average — because the customer chose the price himself. For leaders, this means detaching from your desired outcome and focusing on understanding the opening in front of you. That shift builds trust and often produces better results than pushing for what you want.
Why Team Drama Is a Distraction Strategy
"Whenever there's drama, it's because people don't want you to see something."
Drama in teams happens because people are siloed, and they silo because they don't trust each other. They share only the information that serves their position without jeopardizing their role. The drama itself is a distraction — like a child throwing a tantrum so you'll forget what they did wrong. Dan's approach: ask three questions. What are they committed to causing? How much of that are they producing? And what's the story between the two? The problem is never the problem — the problem is how you think about the problem.
Restructuring for Agility: A Restaurant Case Study
"Your way of being needs to be bigger than the structure."
Dan illustrates agile restructuring through a top-25 restaurant in Boise where the general manager flows seamlessly between roles — bussing tables, coordinating with the kitchen, and leading the team — without ever pulling rank. The secret? He grounds his team before every shift with genuine connection, shared meals, and open dialogue. When he gives direction, people move — not from fear, but from respect. Structure alone won't solve problems; it only organizes them so you can see them better. Leaders must be committed to what the structure is designed to accomplish, altering it in motion when needed.
Conflict as a Generative Force
"What you're not willing to face will eventually defeat you."
Dan's core philosophy centers on embracing conflict rather than avoiding it. When people face conflict, they either seek comfort by avoiding it or realize what's at stake and find a way through. The Stoic principle "the obstacle is the way" applies: to find the path, you must hug the cactus and pull the problem close. In relationships — whether marriage, team, or client — breakdowns should deepen intimacy and trust. Dan reports that 90% of the time, authentically facing into mistakes with clients deepens relationships and keeps contracts alive.
What Keeps Dan Going After Four Decades
"People love to accomplish things they didn't think they could do. To me, that's exciting."
After more than 40 years in this work, Dan remains energized by working with people to accomplish challenges they initially thought impossible. He describes his work as akin to family — that same depth of connection and shared purpose. His one-liner: "We turn leadership into leadership." It sparks curiosity and opens conversations about what real leadership transformation looks like.
About Dan Tocchini
Dan Tocchini has spent 35+ years working with leadership teams across the spectrum — from ESPN to nonprofits like Defy Ventures — helping them evolve from functional to fully alive. His work focuses on the human systems that make agile succeed… or silently kill it.
You can find out more about Dan and his leadership training programs at TakeNewGround.com.
