The Simply Great Relationships Podcast: Love | Marriage | Sex | Communication | Dating Advice
Society & Culture:Relationships
We’ve all heard it.
Mid-argument with our partner:
“You’re just like your mother!”
But, what does that really mean? Why is it so common?
We learn how to be in relationships by observing our parents and the adults in our life growing up. We experience love in the ways our parents or caregivers showed us love. The way the important adults in our life expressed their emotions - happiness, frustration, anger - towards us, are the ways we expect our adult partners to do so.
Now, here’s where it gets tricky.
Maybe, we didn’t get along well with our parents or caregivers. Maybe we moved out and vowed never to be treated that way again. We might have hated the way they expressed anger or never really felt loved. But, somehow, we internalized that model for relationships and carried it with us into our marriage.
We view our partner’s actions through the lens of this model and we act (and react) accordingly.
Think of a blueprint that tells you what to do when your partner expresses anger, sadness, or love towards you. Do you push them away? Do you up the ante? Do you yell louder? Do you shrink down and stay quiet?
The dynamics that we grew up with have a tendency to play out in our adult romantic relationships. The good news is they are not unchangeable. By getting really clear on your own template and sharing it with your partner, you two can work together to create your own, new blueprint.
In this week’s episode, we’re talking about how these blueprints are formed in our families growing up, how they influence our relationship in the present, and exactly how to move forward with making changes.
SGR 103: Pelvic Floor Health and Sexual Pleasure with Kim Vopni
SGR 102: Mindful Relationships with Sarah Harmon
SGR 101: Overcoming Shame and Using Porn as a Tool to Enhance Sex
SGR 100: Communication that Works 2.0
SGR 099: How Our Inner Child Shows Up In Relationships with Saadia Z. Yunus, LMFT
SGR 098: 5 Questions You Wish Your Couples Therapist Would Answer
SGR 097: 3 Marriage Tips from a Couples Therapist and her Husband with Stranz and Mallory Wolfgramm
SGR 096: Sharing the Mental Load with Dr. Morgan Cutlip
SGR 095: Integrating Sexual Fantasies into Your Relationship with Dr. Justin Lehmiller
SGR 094: Making Marriage Work from the Beginning with Kayla Levin
SGR 093: 3 Common Relationship Problems (That Aren’t Actually Problems)
SGR 092: How to Know if You’re Codependent with Marlena Tillhon, MSc
SGR 090: What Your Attachment Style Means with Katie Miles, LMFT
SGR 089: What To Do When You Have a Lot of Time Together and No Shared Hobbies
SGR 088: Why Asking Your Partner How They’re Doing is Extra Important Right Now
SGR 087: Navigating Differing Views on COVID-19 Guidance in Your Family
SGR 086: How to Make Changes Without Motivation
SGR 085: How You and Your Partner Can Take a Break from the Heaviness of COVID-19
SGR 084: Coping with Opposite Sex Drives During Coronavirus
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