[Replay] 164 I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method)

2026-01-24

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A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on taking responsibility and changing what we can change in our lives. But sometimes you’re stuck. Stuck and bewildered by how this shit keeps happening. Those same old cyclical situations… a heated argument with a romantic partner, a recurring issue at work, a really challenging family dynamic… where we feel like we have no control. All those tools and practices go out the window and it feels like the situation is just happening at us.

A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on taking responsibility and changing what we can change in our lives. But sometimes you’re stuck. Stuck and bewildered by how this shit keeps happening. Those same old cyclical situations… a heated argument with a romantic partner, a recurring issue at work, a really challenging family dynamic… where we feel like we have no control. All those tools and practices go out the window and it feels like the situation is just happening at us.

These challenges are the perfect place to start practicing shadow work—the process of becoming aware of what you’ve suppressed, hated, and denied about yourself. Sound a little scary? Don’t worry, shadow work does not mean embracing and enacting all the mean parts of yourself. In other words, doing this work doesn’t mean becoming an asshole.

There are many ways to do shadow work, but today we’re focusing on a method created by Carolyn Lovewell called Existential Kink. Existential Kink involves loving, accepting, and owning the ‘guilty pleasure’ we get from the shadowy aspects of our subconscious, and we’re walking you through the whole process.

In this episode, we’re breaking down:

— What the shadow is

— What it means to do shadow work

— How Jungian and depth psychology define and approach the shadow

— Examples of how and why people repress and deny aspects of themselves

— Why unexamined shadow aspects of ourselves often lead to projections

— How embracing and recollecting repressed aspects of ourselves can be powerfully transformative for your personal growth and relationships

— Why shadow work does not mean embracing and enacting evil/mean aspects of ourselves (AKA becoming an asshole)

— The theory behind and process of Existential Kink

— The importance of community and support while doing depth psychological work

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— My Individuation Alchemy program