Santa's Slay is exactly what the title implies. Santa Claus—played by WCW and WWE's Bill Goldberg—is big, angry, and not very keen on spreading Christmas cheer. Rather, he opts to spend the holidays igniting "Yuletide fear."
That's the movie. Literally, that's it. Santa Claus is an asshole, who's hell bent on revenge. Why? Well, he was only nice because he lost in a game of chance to an angel who just happened to be out wondering the frozen tundra.
I'd go deeper, yet there's no reason to. This is about Santaberg and is oh so wicked ways. He murders James Caan (no, that's not a typo) with a turkey leg; set's the nanny's hair aflame with some spiked eggnog; and—amongst many other grisly kills—he electrocutes a man with a stripper pole.
So if you get your jollies watching pro wrestlers in Santa cosplay murder people indiscriminately, then this is the movie for you.
So sit back, jackhammer a couple of Celebration Fresh Hop IPAs from Sierra Nevada, and avoid having Christmas dinner with James Caan! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are wagering our souls on a game of high stakes curling!
This Week’s Segments:
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Sahara – Tequila Jones
Speed Racer – Go, Speed, Go!
Alita: Battle Angel – Panzer Kunst!
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Send it to the Slaughter House
The Last Airbender – Burn the Footage
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom – Tangbro and Splash
Madame Web – Ms. Spider-Cleo
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania – Shrinking Returns
The Flash – A Hop, Skip, and a Tomato Can
Blue Beetle – Batman's a Fascist
Half Past Dead – Sentenced to Death Row
Expend4bles – Time to Retire
Killing Gunther – Earthquake Love
Hollywood Homicide – Stella!
The Great Christmas Movie Debate – Die Hard vs Lethal Weapon
Just Friends – Simply Hopsy
Palm Springs – Life on Repeat
So I Married an Axe Murderer – Head, Pod Now!
Summer Catch – Strike’s Out Looking
Werewolves Within – Guess Wholf?
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