Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider? Danielle believes women typically aren’t people-pleasers, they’re conflict avoiders. Some women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace. “But ultimately it’s not because we’re trying to please people,” offers Danielle, “it’s because we’re trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm.”
How does this play out in your marriage?
Point #2: On the Hunt As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that “Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person.” “The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me.”
Who is typically the “hunter” inside your marriage?
Point #3: Hot-Headed When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance. From Danielle’s perspective, “Women recognize when a conversation or argument isn’t in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can’t reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved.Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication?
Point #4: Initiate or Avoid? Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, “You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened.” Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, “Oh, it will go away, it’ll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn’t know how to have direct conversations with you.Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?”
Point #5: Therapy After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White’s, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: either we’re going to therapy, or we’re done. Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another’s feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point.What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy?
Communication Challenge:Have a conversation around the topic of “Avoider or Initiator.”
Date Night Topic:During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives.
Quote of the Week:“Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit.”
—Garrett J White
“In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there’s submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want.”
—Danielle K White
From Taboo to Tantalizing: Unleashing the Power of Sex and Connection
Porn to Power
Learning to Speak Your Truth: Overcoming Conflict Avoidance
The Importance of Emotional Connection in Marriage
Dancing Through Life's Ups and Downs
The Mormon Bubble: Navigating Taboos Around Sex and Relationships
Recognizing Strengths: Embracing Diverse Roles and Personal Goals
Igniting the Flames of Growth: Unveiling the Power Within | Date Your Wife | EP 139
Are You Threatened By Your Partner's Success? | Date Your Wife | EP 138
Don't Wanna Kiss, Just Wanna Cum | Date Your Wife | EP 137
YOU are the PRIZE, now drop the guilt. | Date Your Wife | EP 136
It's not a journey, but a DECISION | Date Your Wife | EP 135
LET GO or LEAN IN? | Date Your Wife | EP 134
RAW "THERAPY SESSION" - MONEY IN MARRIAGE | Date Your Wife | EP 133
We Stopped Playing Small | Date Your Wife | EP 132
It would've been easier to be broke, working at a sandwich shop | Date Your Wife | EP 131
This is Why We Win | Date Your Wife | EP 130
#blessed OR #bigasswork? | Date Your Wife | EP 129
Raw Collision Conversation | Date Your Wife | EP 128
The Cost of NOT making it across the GAP | Date Your Wife | EP 127
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