I panicked. Had some strange transformation occurred whilst asleep? There was no extraneous fur growing on my body, no foul breath that resembled the remnants of fried Grantaloupe innards, or any other traits of a Chewbacca for which I should be deeply concerned. There must have been in a crazy dream before lucidity resurfaced, so the anxiety began to fade.
Nightmare averted.
But there is another species of Wookie—sort of the human version of that Sasquatch’s buzzin’ cousin from another mother. Generally unclean, extremely hairy, and housing silver dollar sized earlobe gauges, their look is that of having stolen tapestries from an eastern European gypsy bordello and fashioned the material into pants. You see and smell them at heady Cannabis events toting their wares in a pelican case. I sniffed the underarms, and it was not good. Had I transformed? Was it Freaky Friday?
Jumping out of bed, I immediately made a terror run for the mirror where a thorough inspection was in order. The hair was studied for any new emerging dreads, the mouth for any new sores, and the face for any remnants of crumbs in the patchy facial hair. Nope, it was the same dude that passed out drunk the previous night in the middle of the original Star Wars trilogy.
So, I relaxed and took a dab, clutching my stuffed Princess Kneesaa Ewok toy that brings me comfort in moments of reality.
#250 - People And Their Annoying Kids (Originally Posted as Episode #22)
#249 - Self Imposed Sobriety (Originally Posted as Episode #55)
#248 - Road Rage is Nothing Personal (Originally Posted as Episode #119(
#247 - I Talk to Myselves (Originally Posted as Episode #99)
#246 - Can We Please End Christmas (Originally Posted as Episode #92)
#245 - When The Buffet Bites Back (Originally Posted as Episode #81)
#244 - The Gateway Drug (Originally Posted as Episode #47)
#243 - The Fat Guy That Parties (Originally posted as episode #109)
#242 - Pinball is Sexy (Rewrite of Episode #105)
#241 - Siri Broke My Heart (Rewrite of Episode #103)
#240 - Fuck Bok Choy! (Rewrite of Episode 100)
#239 - Harley Riders Are Annoying (Rewrite of Episode 24)
#238 - Soccer Moms Are The Bestest! (Rewrite of Episode 93)
#237 - Cigarettes Are Healthy (Rewrite of Episode 82)
#236 - Fake Love (Rewrite of Episode #75)
#235 - My PTSD Is Not TGIF (Rewrite of Episode #69)
#234 - Check Your Temperature (Rewrite of Episode #62)
#233 - Black Licorice is Vile (Rewrite of Episode 180)
#232 - What We Learned From Slugworth (Rewrite of Episode 56)
#231 - The Friendgirl (Rewrite of Episode #54)
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