The waiting game

Imagine you and a friend are in a restaurant. Your meal arrives quickly, but hers is held up … somewhere. She insists you dig in while it’s hot, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.

If the situation were reversed, of course, you would implore her to go ahead.

Scientists now believe they know the reason behind this quirk in human behavior.  Researchers from London and The Netherlands contend the “wait or eat” phenomenon stems from a psychological blind spot: We feel our own guilt and discomfort most acutely. In others, however, we downplay those same emotions.

In a survey of people from 91 countries, they found that 91% reported that waiting for others to receive their food before eating is customary.

The researchers conducted six experiments involving nearly 2,000 participants, trying to test and change this dining double standard. In some, they asked participants to specifically consider their dining companion’s feelings, forcing them to look at the other person’s perspective. It did not eliminate the gap.

In other cases, participants were told that their dining companion explicitly wanted them to eat. However, the self-policing continued.

The researchers said the difference isn’t so much about feeling permission to eat, but how we process our psychological experiences versus those of others.

On a practical note, the findings suggest that dinner hosts and restaurants might underestimate the discomfort people have when food arrives at staggered times.

Perhaps it’s time for us to find a way to exorcise this somewhat-silly custom. When it comes right down to it, we all need to eat.