171 - One Hundred Seventy One

[TRANSCRIPT]

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Harry?

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Harry, do you read?

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Okay, that’s…good. I don’t know that I want her to hear this. But I feel like I need to say it out loud or I’ll go crazy keeping it in. 

I’m nervous. I—I pulled over because I turned onto a road that I’ve driven down a million times before on supply runs and it was the most familiar thing I’ve seen in nine months and all of a sudden it got so real. My heart started pounding, my palms were sweating on the steering wheel…

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(laughing) I’m just nervous! It’s stupid, it’s not like—I mean, I know what to expect. I’m going to walk into the house and call out for Harry and she’s not going to respond because she won’t be able to hear me from the garage and then I’ll put the kettle on and she’ll only come in from her studio when she hears the whistle go, which for some reason is audible from the garage. And I’ll pull two mugs down from the cabinet and make tea the way we like it—black for me, steeped for two minutes; two sugars and steeped until it’s bitter for her—and Harry will pull out some kind of muffin or scone or something from somewhere and pretend like she didn’t put nuts in it specifically because I like them and then…I don’t know, then she’ll make some comment about how I’m back so soon and I’ll…

I don’t know what I’ll do. Maybe she’ll ask if me being back means I forgive her and maybe I’ll say that I’m not sure I need to forgive her before we can—

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Or none of that will happen. And instead she’ll be unpleasantly surprised that I’ve come back and she’ll ask me to leave. She’ll say that I’m not welcome anymore, that I resigned my right to call that place home the moment I pulled out of the drive. 

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