Let’s all raise our flutes of infused lemonade for a big cheer to those intrepid Dodge Caravanners who make up the backbone of America! You do it all, ladies. You keep the whole tribe in order like the Chief Executive Organizer of the Taylor family, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan, and never letting Dad forget he’s a man.
You captain the crew with equestrian hands, directing the grocery getter through the avenues and lanes, school zones and sports practices, and rattling cat calls from the stands that urge the victories while softening the losses. And all with impeccable punctuality. You value the respect this earns amongst the other mothers with whom you chronicle scenes inside the home, reporting the events with an omniscient eye, desperately aware that these days will evaporate as quickly as your own youth.
You are a conductor, orchestrating the chaos into a seamless symphony with the patience of a glacier through teen shouting matches over clothes swapping and philosophical differences in social image management.
Then, when the evening wanes and the flurry settles into a mindful moment on the couch, a good glass of red and the guilty pleasure of a naughty reality show are a great way to calm the nerves while rubbing the aching dogs. “How do you do it all?” The audience insists on knowing your secret as these words echo in your thoughts.
The purse lies before you on the coffee table. You unfasten the hinge that conceals your essentials. Where there used to be a prescription bottle that rattled like the tail of a diamondback, there is now a vape pen in its place. You push the button, sneak a toke, and the voices of the madding crowd saunter into oblivion, creating open space that will soon again be filled with the sunrise.
#252 - Mosquitos Suck (Originally Posted as Episode #116)
#251 - Grouchlock (Originally Posted as Episode #107)
#250 - People And Their Annoying Kids (Originally Posted as Episode #22)
#249 - Self Imposed Sobriety (Originally Posted as Episode #55)
#248 - Road Rage is Nothing Personal (Originally Posted as Episode #119(
#247 - I Talk to Myselves (Originally Posted as Episode #99)
#246 - Can We Please End Christmas (Originally Posted as Episode #92)
#245 - When The Buffet Bites Back (Originally Posted as Episode #81)
#244 - The Gateway Drug (Originally Posted as Episode #47)
#243 - The Fat Guy That Parties (Originally posted as episode #109)
#242 - Pinball is Sexy (Rewrite of Episode #105)
#241 - Siri Broke My Heart (Rewrite of Episode #103)
#240 - Fuck Bok Choy! (Rewrite of Episode 100)
#239 - Harley Riders Are Annoying (Rewrite of Episode 24)
#237 - Cigarettes Are Healthy (Rewrite of Episode 82)
#236 - Fake Love (Rewrite of Episode #75)
#235 - My PTSD Is Not TGIF (Rewrite of Episode #69)
#234 - Check Your Temperature (Rewrite of Episode #62)
#233 - Black Licorice is Vile (Rewrite of Episode 180)
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