YOU HAVE NOT HAD A CHOICE ABOUT WHAT YOU WEIGH - UNTIL NOW!!

Here you are weighing too much and are very unhappy about it. You say you would do anything to weigh less but you are unable to do so. WHY???
HERE'S WHY. You may hate what you weigh but believe it or not, you are emotionally comfortable weighing what you do. REALLY!! Weighing what you do enables you continue to put enough food in your mouth to feel good and stop you from feeling bad.
All diets are based on the absurd notion that you can just stop putting food in your mouth that you need emotionally. That is emotional deprivation and will never last.

That's why you never be able to weigh less permanently -UNLESS YOU UNDERSTAND AND FEEL YOUR EMOTIONAL NEED FOR FOOD!!!
In other words, you have to understand why you made yourself overweight and why you continue to put enough food in your mouth to stay at the weight you say you hate.