Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' April entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the hapless but unifying body language of a player who doesn't know where the ball is, a genuinely worrying peripheral astroturf hang-up, the downsides of teams from the same country being drawn together in Europe and the impact of the iPad on managerial decorum after their team has conceded a very specific type of goal.
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The Pure European Championship XI
The Adjudication Panel: 1.4 billion years of hurt, Grealish's mayo hell & the opening-game formula
Capos, club mentalities & calculating England's actual years of hurt: The listeners' loves & hates
The Adjudication Panel: Mourinho in Turkey, 71 billion calories & a football club every 2.24 seconds
Clicheship Years: 2023/24
The Adjudication Panel: Double swoops, double saves & Down Under with Eddie Howe
The Football Clichés Quiz XIII: Cliches vs Dial F for Football
The Adjudication Panel: Pep's ice cream van, popping up with a goal & an "absolute football club”
Hi-tech hoardings & tactically illiterate World XIs: The listeners' loves & hates
The Adjudication Panel: "Why can't they go on and win it?"
The Adjudication Panel: Mid-2000s Premier League antiques & how the square goalpost met its end
The Adjudication Panel: Four-star Haaland & the most elaborate football analogy in modern politics
Gary Lineker meets Cliches: Why aren't strikers rounding the goalkeeper any more?
The Adjudication Panel: Winning the "hard way" and the Missing Piece of the Jigsaw XI
The Football Cliches Quiz XII - The Totally Football Show
The Adjudication Panel: "Some bloke sat in a booth near the M4 with a fancy protractor"
The Adjudication Panel: "What a horse he was, by the way"
Sizeable hillocks & nightclubbing with McCoist: Jon Champion does Mesut Haaland Dicks
The Adjudication Panel: James Ward-Prowse Territories & hasty Panenkas
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