SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.
Three points are made in this episode:
1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.
2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).
3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.
A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.
However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness.
So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body.
And surprise... they're still frustrated.
Because that's not Jesus' way.
They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...
Sex addiction, still...
Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...
Longing for your past sexual escapades...
Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...
Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.
(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.)
I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!
Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.
Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...
I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.
On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.
People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear.
We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
347-How to Be Spiritually Mature
346-Be Mature (Surrender Your Sexuality to God's Design)
345-So What Exactly Is a Clarity Call?
344-How to Make Orgasm Better for Her (Re-Release)
343-When the Past Still Plagues Your Marriage
342-If You Only Knew His Love
341-"I Didn't Realize How Much I Needed to Change". Meredith's Transformation Story
340-What to Do With Your Jealousy
339-Irritable & Hurt to Flirty & Free. Emily's Transformation Story
338-"Pretty Much Done with Life" and Now True Intimacy. Len's Transformation Story
337-Three Ways to Dismantle the Marital Atomic Bomb During the Countdown
335-Don't Undermine Her (Sexual) Progress
334-Rapid Fire Transformation Stories - Part 3
333-Roommates for 20 yrs... "I Truly Cannot Believe Where We Are". Bill's Transformation Story
332-Tunnel With No Light & Now Joy Filled -- Steve's Transformation Story
331-Why Duty Sex Hurts Him (& Her!)
330-DYM Team Take Over!
329-"I Changed & She Drew Towards Intimacy" - Minister Matt's Transformation Story
328-Years of Confusion Around Sex and Now Finally Clear…Pastor Luke’s Transformation Story
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