Episode 473 – An Easier Softer Way
Today we have Lee. He is 43 and lives in the United Kingdom. He took his last drink on August 17th, 2020.
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[03:41] Thoughts from Paul:
There are a million reasons why people drink. One reason is relief. Now thank you alcohol for providing myself relief when I needed it most. Then there came a time, and it wasn't overnight when the source of relief became less effective. Alcohol then provided no relief at all. Then it became a source of discomfort itself.
Now the most excruciating part of a drinking problem is when we reach for alcohol to seek harmony, but it only brings pain. Now the conscious mind knows the outcome, it knows it won't work. But in the unconscious, it is still inscribed like a commandment on a clay tablet that alcohol will deliver the goods.
So, listeners, the seed I want to plant with you today, that even though we live in a world full of messaging and imagery saying that alcohol will enhance your life, in reality, the truth is an alcohol-free life is the easier, softer way.
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[08:33] Paul introduces Lee:
Lee is from Birmingham, UK where he lives with his wife and two kids. He works for a paint manufacturer and for fun he enjoys exercise.
Lee’s first taste of alcohol was when he was 8 and he thought it was terrible. Around age 14 he attended a party where there was alcohol, and he enjoyed the buzz he got from drinking until the next morning when he felt hungover. It was a few years later before he started drinking regularly. Lee utilized alcohol to combat insecurities and be more social.
People told Lee that after he was married and had kids that he would settle down, but Lee says his drinking got worse. He says he selfishly thought about how he could go home and drink in the house alone while his wife may be staying overnight after the birth of their second child. Even after wrecking his car while drunk, Lee did not see that he had a problem. Instead of going to the hospital, he left for the shop to get more alcohol.
The drinking started putting a strain on his relationship with his wife. The cycle of arguments and Lee leaving the home for a few days only to return asking for forgiveness went on for about six months. After a particularly bad event where Lee couldn’t remember the events of the days he was gone from home, he had an anxiety attack. Lee finally admitted to himself that he had a problem and reached out to AA.
Lee started attending AA meetings via Zoom and was still drinking and just listening. He started to see what everyone had, and they seemed happy. At that point he decided to give quitting a try.
Lee says the first few months were horrific. He couldn’t concentrate and was very irritable. He kept going to meetings and listening to everyone tell him it was going to get better but struggled to see it. The next several months found him sleeping better and feeling 95-96% less anxiety. After 18 months to 2 years, he has been able to forgive himself for things I did when he was drinking. He feels he is no longer to try being sober, instead he is living a sober life.
Lee’s best sober moment: getting his family back and being more present with them.
Lee’s parting piece of guidance: take it one day at a time. If you can’t do that, do a half day, do an hour, you’ll get there eventually.
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RE 405: Ahead of the Pack
RE 404: The Order of Healing
RE 403: Hello Universe
RE 402: What to Expect
RE 401: Welcome Back
RE 400: Chasing a Carrot on a Stick
RE 399: What’s the Hardest Thing About Quitting Drinking?
RE 398: This Moment Always Wins
RE 397: The Ultimate Connection
RE 396: The Brain and Alcohol | Genetic Predisposition
RE 395: Can You Have Fun Without Alcohol?
RE 394: Fixin' to Grow
RE 393: Hello Listeners
RE 392: One Week Without Alcohol
RE 391: What do You Want to Hear?
RE 390: The Secret to Change
RE 389: Journal Speak
RE 388: Who Do I Think I Am?
RE 387: Why Some Make it, and Some Don't
RE 386: The One Mistake People Make When Quitting Drinking
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