Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers
TV & Film:Film Reviews
A horror movie that thrills its audience with...uh....hmmm...sewing? Oh and a demon is summoned out of loneliness and a desire to have tea parties with dollies. This is so unbelievably bad.
"Annabelle" (2014) is a cinematic catastrophe that makes you question the very fabric of horror filmmaking. From a plot that can only be summarized as "a cult summons a demon who likes to play with dolls," to characters so insipid and carelessly written that you'll find yourself wishing for their swift demise, this movie is a masterclass in how not to make a horror film.
The narrative is so painfully dull that it makes you wonder if the filmmakers were even trying. The premise of a demonic entity toying with dolls could have been intriguing, but "Annabelle" manages to suck every ounce of excitement out of it. The scares are predictable, the tension is nonexistent, and the entire plot feels like a lazy rehash of every demon haunting movie ever made.
Let's talk about Mia, the main character who single-handedly takes the crown for the most inexplicably stupid and careless protagonist in horror history. As she faces supernatural threats, Mia's decisions become increasingly irrational, leaving audiences more frustrated than frightened. You'll find yourself yelling at the screen, not in terror, but in disbelief at the sheer idiocy and carelessness of her actions.
To add insult to injury, the film employs a narrative device that informs us the events we just suffered through never actually took place. It's a lazy attempt at following contractual obligations with the basis for it's "true story" that only serves to render the entire viewing experience utterly pointless. It's as if the filmmakers themselves realized the mess they had created and decided to hit the reset button, leaving audiences with a profound sense of wasted time.
Comparing "Annabelle" to other cinematic disasters like "Monster-A-Go-Go" might actually be an insult to the latter. While both films share the common denominator of having a plot only to reveal it was all a sham and deserving of zero stars, at least "Monster-A-Go-Go" doesn't pretend to be a good movie.
In conclusion, "Annabelle" is a horror film that fails on every conceivable level – from its moronic idiot plot to its infuriatingly dimwitted characters. Save yourself the agony and opt for a more thrilling cinematic experience, even if it means watching paint dry or staring at a blank screen.
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - Frampton Comes Dead
Druids - When do the druids show up?
Black Dog - The best bad truckin' movie ever
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - or How To Save the World
The Adventures of Pluto Nash - "Adventures" is a strong word
Angel Has Fallen - The Last Banning?
Hobbs and Shaw - 2/3 full of Bald Bros or 1/3 empty of Bald Bros?
Convoy - So...where are we going, anyways?
Prom Night II - Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Plot
Dark Angel - Addicted to Human Crack!
Breaker! Breaker! - What's your 20 on the Pickle Park?
Voyage of the Rock Aliens - Countdown to Music Videos
Peacekeeper - Dolph can't die, literally
Steele Justice - Dance of the 3-Step
Love Potion No. 9
Diggstown - The Greatest Trick the Devil Pulled
Pass Thru - The Ditch Folk are Taking Over
Gas-s-s-s! - or - The Baby Boomers are hypocrites
The Jackie is Gone so Sam can Talk about MCU and Star Wars Not Special
Men of War - It's batshit, literally
Join Podbean Ads Marketplace and connect with engaged listeners.
Advertise Today
Create your
podcast in
minutes
It is Free
I Finally Watched...
Kill James Bond!
Blank Check with Griffin & David
Now Playing - The Movie Review Podcast
Dead Meat Podcast