The Agonizing Lack of Give in a Covert Narcissist

2021-05-27

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I am going to try to explain the unexplainable. The lack of give when communicating with a covert narcissist. The absence of the regular flow of give and take that thus makes you feel that you are talking to a void. It is painful, absolutely exhausting, and crushing to your spirit When in regular casual conversation with someone, we often confirm that we are hearing what the other person is saying. We make little sounds, comments, and gestures: such as a nod, a smile, yeah, uh-huh, true, sure, etc. People react to each other in conversation. All these...

When in regular casual conversation with someone, we often confirm that we are hearing what the other person is saying. We make little sounds, comments, and gestures: such as a nod, a smile, yeah, uh-huh, true, sure, etc. People react to each other in conversation.

All these remarks show understanding, agreement or support. At the very least they validate your interaction with this person. You don’t feel like you are talking into a void.

This give and take does not happen with a covert narcissist. You are met with the most agonizing silence, so empty and painful. When talking with my CN husband, I would get to a spot in the conversation where people naturally interject something. So I would pause in expectation. Nothing! Silence. Awkwardness. Emptiness.

So I go on talking, wondering if I am being heard, wondering if I am making sense

When dealing with a covert narcissist, there is no slack, no margin, no benefit of the doubt. There is no give!

Trying to understand this is like trying to catch a ghost. As soon as you think you have a grasp on it, it disappears again. We are trying to understand something that is almost impossible to even talk about.

It’s hard because it isn’t always in what they did, it’s in what they didn’t do. What they didn’t say. That stone-cold silence and lack of give.

Coming soon: Why do covert narcissists have such an extreme inability to offer that give that is so necessary in relationships?

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I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.