THE Amicable Divorce Expert with Judith Weigle
Society & Culture:Relationships
I. This month’s celebrity divorce focuses on Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and their significant others. They both did everything wrong if the model is “Best Interests of the Child” and making sure that the co-parents have worked out this new co-parenting relationship first before bringing new people into the picture.
II. When and how to introduce new partners to the children and the other parent is always tricky. Sometimes the marriage ends because one of the spouses already has another partner. But the attention and care to detail on how to fold this new relationship into an existing family is still the same: The kids come first.
Questions to ask yourself when new relationships exist:
(1) Is this a relationship that looks like it might last?
(2) How long has the relationship existed? Has it lasted long enough to justify an introduction to the children? Remember Renee Zelwegger in the film Jerry Maguire? She wouldn’t introduce Tom Cruise to her son until the relationship was solid and long enough to move forward.
(3) If this relationship was the catalyst for ending the marriage, how will introducing the new partner to the children affect them?
(4) Has the other parent met the new partner yet? Will the other parent get to meet the new partner before being introduced to the children?
(5) What if the children are still healing from the divorce, can they adjust to someone else being in their parent’s life? What are you going to do if the children don’t accept the new partner? What are you going to do if the children only want to be with you and not your new partner while adjusting to and reattaching with each parent separately?
(6) How long should you wait before forming new relationships? Have you processed the divorce yet? Or are you forming another relationship before taking a good look at why the marriage didn’t work? Are you choosing the same person as the one you’re divorcing? Can you even recognize that you might be making the same incorrect choice again, especially if you haven’t processed your role and your choice of mate in the marriage that’s ending?
These are all questions that have to be asked because the children need stability and they need to redefine their relationships with each parent individually; they are also going through the divorce. They have emotions about the break-up of their family; they need to develop a new type of attachment to their parents; they might be used as messengers between their parents if their parents haven’t resolved their hurt, which is a horrible thing to do to them; they will need to get used to two different homes with two different co-parenting styles; and when a new partner is brought into their lives there may be other children involved which has to be factored into the blended family equation.
III. Here’s the best process for introducing new partners to the children:
Children are concerned and unsure about how to speak with their parents once there are two households. They often don’t know what to share. They often think they need to protect the parent who appears more vulnerable. Please let your children enjoy their youth. Introduce new partners when this will add to your children’s lives, and not send them spiraling into emotional chaos. Respect your children and they will reward you with the respect you deserve for considering them as important, integral parts of the family throughout the divorce.
#divorce #childrenofdivorce #bestinterestsofthechild #co-parenting #co-parentingwithanarcissist #narcissist #personalitydisorder #newrelationships #childtherapy #blendedfamilies #stepparents #narcissism #co-parentcommunication #stepparent #respect #consideration #amicabledivorce #amicableco-parenting #amicabledivorce #mediation #kimkardashian #kanyewest #petedavidson #juliafox #chaneyjones #kriskardashian #brucejenner #kaitlynjenner #childrenofdivorce
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