Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is ...
Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So as we approach the holidays, I hope you have enjoyed my last couple of episodes that talked about the gift giving guide for digital and non-digital things, as well as the new pinwheel plus phone that is being released soon. Definitely a great option for giving a dumb smartphone or upgrading that dumb smartphone that you have given. And with some more features and a few more things that the phone has on it. But today I just want to talk about, as you give something digital, a few things for you to look at as warning signs that maybe it's time to pivot or revisit what things are being allowed and used in your home, by your kids, with the digital stuff. Okay. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So as you know, I am a mom that kind of did things in the uninformed and more difficult way. And with that sometimes comes some mom guilt. I didn't listen to my intuition and some of those early days, I really just didn't know what to do or how to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But when I look back at how things went for us in those early years of all the digital things, emerging and social media, being a thing, and all of that, there's a few things that I wish when they happened, that I would have picked up on them as a reason to pull back from what I was allowing and make a change, or just do kind of like a detox on those things. So if you have kids that have digital things right now in their hands, these things probably have happened to you. And maybe they, aren't a reason to just go cold Turkey, pull everything back, but just look at them as a warning sign and almost a cry for help when it comes to what you were allowing. I personally back when I think back didn't want to be that, that mom, and that's where the title of my podcast comes from, but I didn't want to be that mom that was real strict and that didn't allow these things.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I wanted to be the cool mom. I wanted to be the mom that was fun and allowed her kids to do these things. I thought they were fun. I didn't realize there was any harm in them, but looking back, I can see that there were a couple of warning signs or cries from help that I wish I would have had more knowledge to change something that I was doing. So, and these are pretty common things. So just think about them, take them with a grain of salt, but kind of, you know, also realize that if you're seeing this more and more, it might be some, a reason for you to change things. So the first thing is the anxiety around the phone when the battery dies or when they have misplaced their phone. And can't figure out where it's at. If you remember me talking in the last episode about the pinwheel phone, one major thing that I noticed in my best friend, whose twin girls have never had a smartphone.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And if only had the dumb smartphones is that they are not like attached at the hip with those phones. They misplaced them in their home. One of them lost one at when they went to visit the high school for an activity. And while, you know, it wasn't, you know, like she lost the phone. It wasn't that panic and anxiety that I've seen in my own kids when either there were someplace where they can't charge their phone. So it's about to die and that's like the end of the world, or they somehow misplaced it. And can't figure out where it's at. I personally have misplaced my phone before, and I felt a panic because I have so much information on there. And, you know, just all the things that I stay connected with. So, I mean, I think there's a place for that, but when you're seeing it in your kids, that may be a warning sign that they have become too attached to that for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I think that reason can be different for different kids, but when mine were younger and I remember a moment and this is kind of a side story, but we used to be in the stock show world where we showed animals. And there was one time where like, we would go to, if you're not from where I am, what you call, this may look different, but for us it was the rodeo. And so we would go to the rodeo. And at this time I think we were showing goats and it was like a day where we were going to be there on the rodeo grounds all day. And for whatever reason, we hadn't liked spent any time charging our phones or any of that. So then it's time to leave and we're going to go home. And we, the parking lot where we parked, they really squished all the cars in.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And so there was like where our truck was parked. We had like this longer truck where it was parked, we physically could not back out. Like there was no way to maneuver our way out of the space because of how long our truck was, how close all the rows were to each other, how they were angled in the rows. There was like physically no way to get out of the parking lot. And our phone batteries were low. And at this time I think all but one kid had phones as well as myself. And so my phone battery was low and I was trying to communicate with my husband cause he wasn't with us and, you know, let him know what was going on. And he was going to come up and like pick us up because we needed to get home for something. And then we'd come back later to get that truck.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so, because I wouldn't give my charger to one of the other kids, there was this panic in tantrum that pursued or ensued. And it really, at that moment, it was like one of those moments where I was like, oh my God, like, why is this child getting so upset about this? This is a bit ridiculous. You know, like it's a phone and why do you have to have it be connected to it at all of the time? But at the time that didn't raise enough alarms or red flags in my head to change anything I was doing other than, you know, like chill out, you will get to charge your phone in a minute. I need to stay in touch with daddy and I'll give you my charger in a minute. You know? So have you ever had an instance like that where they freak out because their phone is going to die or they've somehow misplaced it and can't figure out where it's at and it needs to be with them at all times.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If so, just keep in a big picture in mind, consider that kind of a red flag and maybe, maybe needs to be a place where you do a little bit of detox or setting up more boundaries for that kind of look at what the underlying thing is there that's causing that anxiety or stress. But a lot of times it's just the addictive quality of that phone. And the fact that they've become used to checking in, used to seeing what's going on and maybe they need to realize that those things don't need to be something that they do all of the time and depending on their age, maybe that needs to be something they disconnect from. The second thing is when they're resistant to your boundaries. So if you have boundaries in place, I honestly did not. And that was a big, huge mistake on my part, I believe.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
But again, there's that grace that I give myself for just not knowing, but if they're resistant to what boundaries you were putting in place. So you know what that might look like for you is where they are using the phone at what things you were allowing on the phone, whether you've set up to know their passwords and they've changed them, whether you are putting it up at a certain time at night and they are coming to get it without your knowledge or just resisting putting it up, if they are using it versus doing their whatever's required to do around the house or finishing their homework or going to sleep at night. All of those things are a warning sign or a for help on some level that something needs to change with what they're doing because the addictive draw of it is becoming too much.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
And then the third thing that I listed, and I think this is kind of the same thing as resisting the boundaries, but pushing back on your established rules, giving you talk back, or, you know, just disregarding what you have said that you want to happen. All of those things, I guess that is the same thing as resistance to boundaries, but just pushing back on whatever rules you make, or if you do set more rules in place and they still push back on that, it's time to go cold Turkey in my opinion. And that was one of the hardest things that we did in when we did decide to do that. And I wish I would have done it with each child when I saw these warning signs happen, but I dismissed them as related to their age to hormones, to puberty, to all of the things other than it being an issue with the digital things.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And I think that's something that it's a very gray area and it's hard to decipher a lot of times and it makes it hard on us because we don't want to call them a liar that we don't trust them. You know, all of those things, we want to give them their space. We want to let them mature and grow. And we want to dismiss it as puberty as you know, their age as a mood or whatever. But when it's coming in relation to the phone, just look bigger picture and look at preserving that joy of missing out and re-establishing that they can exist without the phone, without the digital things, without being connected to the world. And that it's our life every day should not be about checking in. It should not be about posting a status. It should not be about how many likes or hearts we get on things.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
It should not be about how many views we have on a video. It should not be about us taking the next picture with a filter on it. We should be able to take a picture with no filter and not worry about what other people think. So, you know, we know this as adults, but as kids having all of these things in their possession is just such a insidious and can be such a negative trajectory of influence and impact. So really just wanted to emphasize that for you today because it's one of those things that is such a heavy place of mom guilt for me when I look back and I think about that situation at the rodeo and other situations like that, you know, you kind of laugh it off, maybe, you know, post about it on social media, how, you know, the, the charger I even made a post one time about, you know, I can't remember what it said, but it was something about I'm a mom of teens.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I spend my days turning off all of the lights, making sure all of the phone chargers are working and that type of thing, it was kind of a joke. So that's one way for us to cope with it is to joke with other parents about it. And you know, it is a common mom's struggle, but just bigger picture of things, kind of look at how their relationship is with the digital things and realize that it's not a healthy relationship for them to have so much anxiety over their phone dying or not having their phone or having rules for putting it away. That's not a healthy place for them to be. And I believe it is a warning sign and a cry for help from them, even though they will adamantly tell you otherwise. So anyways, I hope that this short little episode will be a value to you as you move forward through the, if you celebrate the holidays that we do here in the U S if you celebrate the holidays and you are in the gift giving season, I hope you will use this as you move forward.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
And then also be sure to check out my, be that mom movement method course that will be coming out soon and grab that when you can, because it's going to be a toolkit for you and a roadmap, a method for you to follow as you go down this path, and this will just be one of several things I have in there to help you. Okay. Alrighty. Like I say, at the end of every episode, thank you so much for tuning in and listening and your support. I appreciate it immensely. And it is my true joy to help bring you tips and tools to help you navigate all of these things. I do think this is a new realm of parenting that none of us can ignore. And so I hope that my podcast is a place for you to find tools and tips and to make this whole digital thing a little bit easier, even though I know it, it can be straight up hard at times. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in hope you have a nice holiday and I'll chat with you next week.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom ten four hundred.
