Les, Kurt, and Jason are about to take on the Horniest Hallmark Movie ever (by Hallmark standards), but first we find out that Kurt has finally watched the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix... and a video of Blac Chyna twerking on OnlyFans. This leads Jason to the realization that pole dancing is way easier in outer space (no gravity!). All this talk of porn sites and pole dancing makes the guys realize it's time to talk about a Hallmark movie, 2016's Wedding Bells starring Danica McKellar. Luckily, Kurt thinks he's ok with Danica now after not wanting to give Danica her due on an earlier episode of this podcast ("Christmas at Dollywood is a Chance to Debate the Merits of Peppermint vs. Wint-O-Green"). We find out that Danica's character had a disturbing childhood filled with diet foods and (we assume) a philandering father, but not as disturbing as her love interest whose dad is torn between being played by Bruce Boxleitner (The Scarecrow and Mrs. King) and Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers). Les is not fulfilled by the movies many many montages as none of them include dressing up and twirling, so the guys all realize that they need to find the zen of Petticoat Junction... followed by 20 minutes of nationally televised dry humping.
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Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com
The Wrong Prince Charming Has Created a Pyramid Scheme Full of Vivica A. Fox’s HR Violations
Roadhouse Romance Steals From Patrick Swayze Movies and Violates Many Health Codes
Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace: Enhanced Edition: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
The Wrong Cheer Captain Is A Cautionary Tale About Nicotine Vaping and Calling 911 on Speaker Phone
Do You Trust Your Boyfriend For Being Catfished, Liking Birds, and Wearing Tube Socks?
The 27 Hour Day Doesn’t Have Trivia But Does Have a Pig Montage
This College Professor Obsession is Nightclub Attire + Adrian Zmed + Eyes Wide Shut Style Parties
Love at the Ranch Should Be about a Strapping Young Male Cyclops Cyborg Ghostwriter
Stalked by My Doctor: The Return of Eric Roberts Posing as a Doctor That’s in Your Health Insurance Network
You Had Me at Aloha Says Hello to Goats Having a Moment and Goodbye to 2 Hours of Your Night
Unlike the Friends Reunion, Deceitful Dating Does Not Have a Cameo from Malala Yousafzai
Sweet Carolina is a Two-Way Street of Doucheiness with Motivational Tips from Pinterest
Stalked By My Doctor Eric Roberts, Doll Sniffer and Dodge Stratus Driver
Sun, Sand, and Romance Makes an Indecent Proposal to Suzanne Pleshette
A CPR Doll and a Truly Amazingly Insane Movie are Just What the Doctor Ordered
Right in Front of Me are Fred Gwynne, a Scientologist, and 5 Maraschino Cherries
Beware of the Midwife Holding Chloroform and aTruly Gigantic Baby
One Perfect Wedding Proves That Hallmark is Ready to Show Some Clavicle Now
Always the Brutal Bridesmaids, Never the Stripper Who Might Be One of the Producers
Chasing Waterfalls Shows Us a Whole New Hallmark Channel Complete with Old Prospectors Panning for Gold
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