We have some informal chat after every arti, the "post-arti party"! But once a week, Jeff Wolverton joins us for some serious mining of the spiritual depths. Join us for conversation, more readings, songs, quotes - you never know what treasures will be uncovered! Topic: The Challenge of Forgiving OthersDear folks of Baba, In the past, we have had several sessions on Baba’s forgiveness of us and the challenge of accepting His forgiveness, but we h...
We have some informal chat after every arti, the "post-arti party"! But once a week, Jeff Wolverton joins us for some serious mining of the spiritual depths. Join us for conversation, more readings, songs, quotes - you never know what treasures will be uncovered!
Topic: The Challenge of Forgiving Others
Dear folks of Baba,
In the past, we have had several sessions on Baba’s forgiveness of us and the challenge of accepting His forgiveness, but we haven’t delved into the struggle involved in our forgiveness of others. Baba has said that there is one thing He cannot give us: harmony among ourselves. We have to give that to Him. And without forgiveness, how can there be harmony? Of course, we all turn to Baba for help in this process because this is one of the foremost ways of pleasing Him: “Without love none can cultivate the noble habit of forgetting and forgiving.” I think it will be invaluable to hear how others have dealt with this monumental effort. Forgiveness is essential for achieving inner harmony, a prerequisite for entering into the divine love within that Baba embodies.
Baba has given many insights to help in this process such as regarding others as Baba in disguise, that others are all forms of Him. That is, to go to the extent of seeing the other person not as a separate being from Him but as Baba Himself. Would we want to withhold our forgiveness from Him? There is the Golden Rule of Jesus, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” How do we feel when someone continues to condemn us for things we have done? One invaluable insight that Baba has given is: “You forgive a wrong done to you in the same measure in which you love the wrongdoer.” Baba has highlighted the essential need of cultivating love for someone who has wronged us as a requirement for forgiveness. However, when someone has hurt us deeply, we often lose any love we have for them, and so forgiving them is the last thing we feel inclined to do. It can require tremendous work to forgive them. Fortunately, carrying a lack of forgiveness for someone is always a burden to the heart, and that burden carries within it intrinsically the seeds of forgiveness. A loving forgiveness is the only thing that will free us from psychological entanglement. How long are we going to hold on to our lack of forgiveness?
One thing which Baba has said that has helped me are His words, “All differences between one another are merely superficial and cannot affect the love we feel for each other deep down.” I find that the assertion of this truth within keeps love ever in the background and helps to dissolve the unacceptable thought that the love shared with someone is gone; the love is still there but it needs to be felt again. We still love each other even though, because of the hurt or insult we’ve endured, it seems it’s been lost!
It is important to point out that our forgiveness doesn’t have to be done externally with the person. Sometimes someone may be especially abusive and keeping a distance is required. Or the person may no longer be living, as in the case of a parent who has passed on. Fortunately, forgiveness can be done within and doesn’t require the physical presence of the other person. Sometimes, it is simply enough to just be in readiness to forgive if the other person is not at the point of being willing to work on the issue.
One of the Christian mystics, Thomas a Kempis, wrote, “If you knew all, you would forgive all.” If we are able to empathize with the circumstances that someone has had to experience in their lives, we would have the understanding that would help in forgiving them. Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
What methods have worked for you? Can you give an example to illustrate this without revealing names? Is there an ongoing situation that still burdens you? What if the person continues their inappropriate behavior and are not likely to ever change? What do you do in that situation? Do you have an example in which speaking with the other person has helped? Or even confronting the person about their disturbing behavior has worked? Does it help in forgiving someone to remember when you yourself have been guilty of the same behavior in the past?
In His love, Jeff
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