Logan Ury studied psychology at Harvard, was a TED Fellow, then became a behavioral scientist at Google, where she ran Google’s behavioral science team – which we now know as The Irrational Lab. She became a dating coach and is currently the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and The Atlantic, among a variety of media outlets, including HBO and the BBC. And you should note that she’s a featured speaker at SXSW 2021.
Aside from those cool things, we wanted to talk to her because she is the author of How To Not Die Alone.
In our conversation with Logan, we talked about the challenges people face in getting prepared for dating, making the most of their dating experiences, and maintaining great relationships once they’ve landed in one. She shared her insights into how to overcome some of the common hurdles and to make the most out of each phase of the dating life.
We had an interesting discussion about why moving from ‘romanticizer’ or ‘maximizer’ to ‘satisficer’ can make a big difference in your relationships (and in life). We talked about the Monet Effect and how we need to work hard to overcome some of our biggest biases – like the fundamental attribution error and negativity bias.
She was also kind enough to share a little bit about her communal living conditions and her recommendation that we all need more significant others – OSO’s – in these turbulent times.
NOTE #1: The “F” word features prominently in our conversation since it’s in the title of one of her book’s chapters.
NOTE #2: Christina Gravert joined for our Grooving Session as our first-ever Grooving Partner, and you’ll hear her in the introduction, as well. We’re pleased that our good friend was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top behavioral scientists you ought to know. Christina teaches Economics at the University of Copenhagen, is a co-founder of Impactually, a behavioral consultancy, she has been a guest on Behavioral Grooves (episode 16 on creating a Nudge-A-Thon), and was a speaker at Nudge.It North 2021.
© 2021 Behavioral Grooves
Links
Logan Ury: https://www.loganury.com/
“How to Not Die Alone”: https://www.loganury.com/book
Ira Glass: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ira_Glass
Dan Ariely: https://danariely.com/
Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/
John Gottman, The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/
Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/
Daniel Gilbert: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Gilbert_(psychologist)
Jane Ebert: https://www.brandeis.edu/facultyguide/person.html?emplid=0fd6834b65b0eddec69f2ab77539fd341d63b270
Alain De Botton “School of Life”: https://www.theschooloflife.com/about-us/faculty/alain-de-botton/
Reiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki
“Algorithms to Live By”: https://algorithmstoliveby.com/
John Nash “A Beautiful Mind”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash_Jr.
Nicole Prause: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Prause
36 Questions That Lead to Love: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
The School of Life books: https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/us/books/
Shelley Archambeau – Episode 204: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/how-shelley-archambeau-flies-like-an-eagle/
Christina Gravert – Episode 16: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/nudge-a-thon-with-dr-christina-gravert/
Christina Gravert, “Online Dating Like a Game Theorist”: https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/
Christina Gravert – Impactually: https://impactually.se/
“10 Behavioral Scientists You Should Know”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alineholzwarth/2020/10/29/10-behavioral-scientists-you-should-know/?sh=36ad80b442e0
Musical Links
“Hamilton” soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSWZUExZ8M
Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeChAs-bI3A
Bush “Glycerine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvXbHN5Gijw
Do One Small Thing Every Day That Scares You | Scott Simon
Want To Join A Secret Club? With Michael F. Schein
How To Redesign Social Media Better So That It’s Actually Sociable
Groove Track | Tale of Two Markets: Do We Help People Only For Money Or Candy?
Why Do Good People Let Bad Things Happen? With Max Bazerman
A Proven Way Expectations Can Unlock A More Positive Life | David Robson
Grooving on Cheating: Kurt, Tim, Christian Hunt, and Koen Smets
Can You Unlearn History And Still Love Your Country? With Dolly Chugh
How To Get Comfortable With Uncertainty: The Ambiguity Mindset with Debbie Sutherland
Quit: Why We Do It Too Late and How To Get Better At It with Annie Duke
Four Steps To More Effective Conversations | Chuck Wisner
How To Have A Conversation About Racism | Robert Livingston
Visualize A Horse...But What If You Actually Can’t? Aphantasia Explained With Dr Adam Zeman
Want to Know How Priming Works? It Starts With Your Conscious, Not Your Unconscious | John Bargh PhD
Rory Sutherland: The Opposite of a Good Idea is a Good Idea [Republish]
How Good People Fight Bias | Dolly Chugh [Republish]
Groove Track | No, Short-Term Rewards Don’t Drain Long-Term Motivation
The Power of Unity: Robert Cialdini Expands His Best Selling Book Influence [Republish]
Groove Track | 12 Words That Improve Company Performance
Delusions Can Actually Be Useful: Hidden Brain’s Shankar Vedantam Reveals How [Republish]
Create your
podcast in
minutes
It is Free
The Poetry of Science
Hidden Brain
The Science of Happiness
The Psychology Podcast
Therapist Uncensored Podcast