Logan Ury studied psychology at Harvard, was a TED Fellow, then became a behavioral scientist at Google, where she ran Google’s behavioral science team – which we now know as The Irrational Lab. She became a dating coach and is currently the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and The Atlantic, among a variety of media outlets, including HBO and the BBC. And you should note that she’s a featured speaker at SXSW 2021.
Aside from those cool things, we wanted to talk to her because she is the author of How To Not Die Alone.
In our conversation with Logan, we talked about the challenges people face in getting prepared for dating, making the most of their dating experiences, and maintaining great relationships once they’ve landed in one. She shared her insights into how to overcome some of the common hurdles and to make the most out of each phase of the dating life.
We had an interesting discussion about why moving from ‘romanticizer’ or ‘maximizer’ to ‘satisficer’ can make a big difference in your relationships (and in life). We talked about the Monet Effect and how we need to work hard to overcome some of our biggest biases – like the fundamental attribution error and negativity bias.
She was also kind enough to share a little bit about her communal living conditions and her recommendation that we all need more significant others – OSO’s – in these turbulent times.
NOTE #1: The “F” word features prominently in our conversation since it’s in the title of one of her book’s chapters.
NOTE #2: Christina Gravert joined for our Grooving Session as our first-ever Grooving Partner, and you’ll hear her in the introduction, as well. We’re pleased that our good friend was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top behavioral scientists you ought to know. Christina teaches Economics at the University of Copenhagen, is a co-founder of Impactually, a behavioral consultancy, she has been a guest on Behavioral Grooves (episode 16 on creating a Nudge-A-Thon), and was a speaker at Nudge.It North 2021.
© 2021 Behavioral Grooves
Links
Logan Ury: https://www.loganury.com/
“How to Not Die Alone”: https://www.loganury.com/book
Ira Glass: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ira_Glass
Dan Ariely: https://danariely.com/
Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/
John Gottman, The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/
Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/
Daniel Gilbert: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Gilbert_(psychologist)
Jane Ebert: https://www.brandeis.edu/facultyguide/person.html?emplid=0fd6834b65b0eddec69f2ab77539fd341d63b270
Alain De Botton “School of Life”: https://www.theschooloflife.com/about-us/faculty/alain-de-botton/
Reiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki
“Algorithms to Live By”: https://algorithmstoliveby.com/
John Nash “A Beautiful Mind”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash_Jr.
Nicole Prause: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Prause
36 Questions That Lead to Love: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
The School of Life books: https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/us/books/
Shelley Archambeau – Episode 204: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/how-shelley-archambeau-flies-like-an-eagle/
Christina Gravert – Episode 16: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/nudge-a-thon-with-dr-christina-gravert/
Christina Gravert, “Online Dating Like a Game Theorist”: https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/
Christina Gravert – Impactually: https://impactually.se/
“10 Behavioral Scientists You Should Know”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alineholzwarth/2020/10/29/10-behavioral-scientists-you-should-know/?sh=36ad80b442e0
Musical Links
“Hamilton” soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSWZUExZ8M
Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeChAs-bI3A
Bush “Glycerine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvXbHN5Gijw
How To Find Meaning IN Life | Dr Brian Lowery PhD
How Do Incentives Actually Impact Motivation? | Dr Indranil Goswami PhD
Groove Track: Cab Driver Study
Can You Really Love Things As Much As People? With Aaron Ahuvia
The Loss of Common Sense: How To Gain A Little Perspective | Martin Lindstrom
Trust Your Gut? Only If The Data Supports It | Seth Stephens-Davidowitz
Changing Our Mind: Exploring How Mental Illness Is Managed with Daniel Bergner
Finding Out What Your Customers Want and Why It Matters | Andrea Belk Olson
From Distracted To Focused: Nir Eyal’s Secrets On How To Be Indistractable
You Have Dignity Because You’re Human, Not Because You Work | Jonathan Malesic
How To Fix Burnout (Hint: It Isn’t Another Yoga Session) | Jennifer Moss
You Can Change Someone’s Mind But Are You Sure You Want To? | David McRaney
Changing The World with Persistent Optimism | Dr. Paul Zeitz
Want To Improve Your Kid’s Behavior? Start With Your Own | Sue Donnellan
Three Easy Ways to Nurture A Child’s Brain Development | Dana Suskind MD
Fail to Scale: Why Good Research Doesn’t Always Make Great Policy | John A. List
For Revolutionary Solutions, Look To Evolutionary Ideas | Sam Tatam
Why Mindset Matters Most: The Secrets of Achievement | Paul Szyarto
Women Do Too Much Non-Promotable Work: How To Say No More with Linda Babcock
How The Invisible Influence of Culture Shapes Our Behavior | Michele Gelfand
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