Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is bad. Like truly awful. Its plot is convoluted; its action is often nonsensical and unimaginative; and it does little to capitalize on its star power. Antonio Banderas literally has nothing to do. This guy was El Mariachi in Desperado, for Pete's sake. Let him do more than smoke cigarettes and drink.
Anyway, there is a boat load of slow motion, if you're into that. Most of it is wholly unnecessary, but it's there; and it probably adds 10 minutes to the runtime—a portion of your life you will never get back.
There's also a lot of sulking and staring. There's an abundance of Ray Park in a turtleneck. Yep, Darth Maul loves sweaters, but he doesn't love fighting because he only does it once. Like the rest of the movie, that scene sucks.
If you are noticing a trend, you should. We hated this movie. Critics also hated it. And audiences thoroughly despised it. It is one of our most egregious flops to date, earning barely above $20 million on a budget of $70 million.
You have been forewarned. So, sit back, slug a few H.A.Z.Y. IPAs from Sweetwater Brewing Co., and throw on your best "Tactleneck"! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are stepping on land mines and running for cover!
This Week’s Segments:
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You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
47 Ronin – Ronin with My Homies
Prince of Persia – The Lion of Central Casting
Gangster Squad – La La Confidential
Prey – Do Not Kill the Dog
Predators – Crazy Larry’s Den of Alien Antiquities
The Predator – Leaking Spinal Fluid
Predator 2 – Pred Harder
The Alamo – Remember It
The Last Duel – Misogynistic Gladiators
Almost Heroes – Drinking Has Its Benefits
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Arthur Begins
Dracula Dead and Loving It – Mister, Mister
Morbius – It’s Morbin’ Time!
Vampire in Brooklyn – Toothless
Gallow Walkers – Bladey the Kid
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Knuckle Bump
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent – Nic f’n Cage
Mandy – Chainsaw Fight
Willy’s Wonderland – It’s Your Birthday
Black Friday – Not Worth the Bargain
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