Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is bad. Like truly awful. Its plot is convoluted; its action is often nonsensical and unimaginative; and it does little to capitalize on its star power. Antonio Banderas literally has nothing to do. This guy was El Mariachi in Desperado, for Pete's sake. Let him do more than smoke cigarettes and drink.
Anyway, there is a boat load of slow motion, if you're into that. Most of it is wholly unnecessary, but it's there; and it probably adds 10 minutes to the runtime—a portion of your life you will never get back.
There's also a lot of sulking and staring. There's an abundance of Ray Park in a turtleneck. Yep, Darth Maul loves sweaters, but he doesn't love fighting because he only does it once. Like the rest of the movie, that scene sucks.
If you are noticing a trend, you should. We hated this movie. Critics also hated it. And audiences thoroughly despised it. It is one of our most egregious flops to date, earning barely above $20 million on a budget of $70 million.
You have been forewarned. So, sit back, slug a few H.A.Z.Y. IPAs from Sweetwater Brewing Co., and throw on your best "Tactleneck"! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are stepping on land mines and running for cover!
This Week’s Segments:
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You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Mandy – Chainsaw Fight
Willy’s Wonderland – It’s Your Birthday
Black Friday – Not Worth the Bargain
Annihilation – It’s a Metaphor
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City – Itchy, but Not So Tasty
The Happening – It’s Crappening
Showdown in Little Tokyo – Samurai Cop
Double Team – Spy Island
Firestorm – You Still Alive, Smokejumper!?
Stone Cold – Mullets and Motorcycles
Kill the Irishman – So Called Mafia
Striking Distance – Jagoff Cops
Road House – Our Way or the Highway
Deadbeat at Dawn – Straight Outta Dayton
The Matrix Resurrections – Face-Zucker-Suck
End of Days – Satan’s a Choir Boy Compared to Arnold
8-Bit Christmas – Super Merry-o
Out Cold – Playboy Bunny Slope
Home Sweet Home Alone – Make It Stop
Terminator Genisys – Rotten Member Berries
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