We have some informal chat after every arti, the "post-arti party"! But once a week, Jeff Wolverton joins us for some serious mining of the spiritual depths. Join us for conversation, more readings, songs, quotes - you never know what treasures will be uncovered! Topic: Guilt, Shame and RemorseDear folks of Baba, For most Baba lovers, regret about many things they’ve done in their past naturally casts a shadow over their present moment. And often it i...
We have some informal chat after every arti, the "post-arti party"! But once a week, Jeff Wolverton joins us for some serious mining of the spiritual depths. Join us for conversation, more readings, songs, quotes - you never know what treasures will be uncovered!
Topic: Guilt, Shame and Remorse
Dear folks of Baba,
For most Baba lovers, regret about many things they’ve done in their past naturally casts a shadow over their present moment. And often it is with their present consciousness that they judge themselves, which isn’t really fair, because they have grown since then and they probably wouldn’t do such things with what they know now! And in condemning themselves they bring a feeling of unworthiness upon themselves. There is a simple quote by Thomas Leonard which says, “Give up all hope…of a better past!”
How does this state of regret persist? It is often because we try to resolve our past wrongs, shortcomings, failings, etc. with our mind. But the mind is too superficial; it doesn’t take one deeper than guilt. Guilt lacks the depth to fathom the root causes of our weaknesses. Guilt’s method is like clipping off the tops of weeds, which doesn’t get at the root, and so the weed sprouts anew. I find if I feel guilty, and it persists for days, I am likely going to do the selfish thing again! And guilt invites shame, which is not really an emotion but a mental attitude. It is a self-judgment about how bad we are or have been.
The only thing that wipes away our weaknesses and bypasses guilt and shame is remorse.Remorse is of the heart, and if we are going to change our behavior, it is at the heart level. We feel the sting of remorse for having been weak or selfish, and then we turn to our heart—which is backed by our soul--to give us the strength and courage to change our behavior.
Guilt and shame are really two subtle forms of self-preoccupation, but remorse, even sometimes in magnifying its intensity, aims to make a selfless change in ourselves. It can burn up our selfish tendencies. Once when I asked Eruch, one of Baba’s most intimate mandali, how he experienced Baba’s forgiveness, he said, “Most people, when they do something unkind and selfish, make a plea to God to be forgiven. They persist until they feel some relief. This is what is conventionally done. But with Baba, when you do something unkind and selfish, the remorse you feel for having done this is the sign that you’ve already been forgiven.” As long as we feel no remorse and go on justifying our unkind behavior, there is no room for Baba to forgive.
Baba has said, “Sincere repentance does not mean perpetuating grief for the wrongs, but in resolving in the future to avoid those deeds which call forth remorse.” As I gathered from Darwin, he recommended taking ample time feeling as deeply as possible any wrong we have done and imagine it flowing energetically to Baba. He would say, “The deeper the feeling, the deeper the healing.”
How have you experienced Baba’s forgiveness in your own life? What wrongs have you done in the past that still persist as guilt and shame today? What methods with Baba have been successful in freeing yourself from past selfishness? Has the empathy you feel today in relation to others helped to soften the self-condemnation you may have felt about your past? Baba has said that His method with us is, “Two steps forward, one step back.” When asked why one step back, Baba replied that it annihilates our pride of progress as we go along. What do you do when events that happen during your day or week trigger past regretful experiences? How do you bring Baba into the picture?
In His love, Jeff
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