When your Partner Drinks... Couples Therapist Zach Brittle

My guest this week is  couples therapist Zach Brittle who is based in Seattle 

I was able to pick his brain about that very common question we hear from some of our members –

How can I quit when my partner drinks?

 

In this episode:-

• Zach's drinking escalated during COVID lockdown—he felt depressed and family relationships were under strain.
• He reached that point that many of us get to – his “not this" moment as we call it in Tribe Sober
• He approached a sober friend, Dave, who became his sponsor and helped him to work the 12 steps
• He only attended a few in-person AA meetings but actually found a South African online meeting that became his home group – so he has a soft spot for us here in SA
• He quit alcohol quickly and without too much trouble, but deeper emotional recovery took much longer.
• Zach stressed the difference between quitting drinking and being sober.
• His marriage had involved heavy shared drinking and his wife had been his drinking buddy
• But after he got sober, his wife began to drink more and had her own recovery journey to tackle
• Their 15-year-old daughter also “spun out” as the family system recalibrated
• Family members are now all healthy and connected
• I loved Zach's analogy as a family being like a child mobile – hold one piece steady and the other pieces wobble – how true
• Zach had some great advice for partners struggling with a drinker who won’t change:
  • Take care of yourself first — get grounded and stable.
  • Build your “healthy place” and invite your partner into it.
  • You can’t decide their behaviour, but you can decide what works for you.
  • Early sobriety is fragile — ignore comments like “you’re boring.” Focus on your own survival.

Zach's Top Benefits of Sobriety

• Feels like an adult for the first time in his life.
• Sleep transformed — falls asleep naturally, sleeps through, wakes refreshed.
• Clear mind & emotional stability — no hedging, hiding, or dodging.
• Better marriage — calmer, more intimate, more predictable.
• Massive financial savings — used to spend ~$12k/year on bar tabs.

Advice for Anyone Struggling

• Ask yourself: “Am I ready?”
• If yes, do the work: find community, a sponsor, a meeting, a book, a mentor.
• The work isn’t quitting alcohol — it’s understanding yourself and building emotional sobriety.

Zach’s Podcast & Work

• Hosts Marriage Therapy Radio — weekly episodes with real couples.
• Has published books and has a new one coming in 2027 on relational recovery.
• Works mostly in person in Seattle but does some online work.
• Zach Brittle is his website

• • More Info
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  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today
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