Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers
TV & Film:Film Reviews
The faerie folk who may or may not be all leprechauns have been living peacefully in the center of earth (or Middle Earth as some may call it) while a smug little kid who needs to be punted says he wants to team up with them but ends up shooting all of them. Get to the Time Portal, Uter!
Artermis Fowl is a giant piece of crap. With or without, the departures from the book series, this is a giant piece of crap. It's bad from top to bottom. Every single person failed at their job (with the exception of Colin Farrell who doesn't have time to screw it up). From the effects, to the writing, to the directing, to the editing, to the acting, to the sound design, to the props department. Failure. I'm surprised this team isn't in charge of the Covid-19 response. Yikes.
The plot doesn't exist. This is what Sam calls "table-setting" for the later films that won't ever come because of how awful this crap is. Literally nothing happens here. We're not even sure where the climax is. Hell we're not even sure when the movie starts. It's unfathomable.
Then there's the casting/acting. The kid is awful. He's a kid so we can't pick on his skills too much and I'm sure he was just doing what he was told to do but hey, so did the guards at Auschwitz. There's no excuse. Then there's the people who should have known f-ing better: Dame Judi Dench and Josh Gad - both of whom who are doing their worst Bat-voice which isn't good but then failing on top of their failure.
Lastly, the effects. Wow. Just six months ago, we were grabbing our torches and pitchforks for the effects of Cats and these guys pushed those people off their bad effects pedestal and then spiked the football. There's this damn centaur who's body's don't match, laser guns that suck, dubious wings on faeries, and then the time vortex. Wow, the time vortex.
Artemis Fowl is the worst movie of 2020 thus far and its just one more thing that Covid-19 has robbed from us. We should have been able to view this in the theater and then watch the box office returns not come in. Damn you, COVID!!!!
Batman Returns - Without Batman!
The Happening - No One Knows
Howard the Duck - Are duck-boobs rated R?
The Charles Bronson Unspectacular
Howling II: Wait..hold on. MY Sister's a Werewolf?
Exorcist II: The Heretic - Satan is a nepotistic boss
The Midnight Man
The Return of Swamp Thing - You got owned, Wes
Swamp Thing - Budget in the Bayou!
Collision Course - Not Rush Hour
Rent-a-Cop - Oh Burt...
Predator 2 - Murtaugh vs the teenage alien
Slender Man - Not the trees! Not the trees!
St. Elmo's Fire - The Everest of Unholy Buttholes
Miami Connection - Ninjas, drugs, music and fashion!
The Stinker Madness "Sorry about this Week, Get Ready for Next Week" Special
To Catch a Yeti - And a Child Murderer
American Hunter - Don't date Jake. He's a jerk.
The Hurricane Heist - They still are making movies bad. Huh.
Rampage - Giant Ape Balls Ahead!
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