Charlotte’s story begins in Bali, Indonesia. Like most young Australians, she yearned to travel and volunteering at an orphanage in Bali when she was 18 years old was a natural step after working at a childcare centre in Melbourne. But orphanage tourism didn’t sit well with her and she moved to Bali’s Kuta Beach and its nightclub scene. Things soon spiralled out of control. But after falling pregnant, she overcame her drug addiction and returned to Australia, where she was diagnosed with HIV. Charlotte now has three beautiful child...
Charlotte’s story begins in Bali, Indonesia. Like most young Australians, she yearned to travel and volunteering at an orphanage in Bali when she was 18 years old was a natural step after working at a childcare centre in Melbourne. But orphanage tourism didn’t sit well with her and she moved to Bali’s Kuta Beach and its nightclub scene. Things soon spiralled out of control. But after falling pregnant, she overcame her drug addiction and returned to Australia, where she was diagnosed with HIV. Charlotte now has three beautiful children all born free of HIV.
For more details on topics discussed in this episode, please visit:
Positive Women Victoria: https://positivewomen.org.au
Episode 1: Charlotte’s Story
Transcript / Show Notes
Heather Ellis
Hi, I'm Heather Ellis your host on our stories ending HIV stigma, a podcast by women living with HIV, where we share our stories of our diverse lives and challenge the myths and stereotypes that feed HIV stigma are stories as part of the women and HIV tell the story project made possible by Gilead Sciences and produced by positive women Victoria in Australia.
Charlotte's story begins in Bali, like most young Australians, she yearned to travel and volunteering at an orphanage was a natural step after working at a childcare center in Melbourne. At 18 years of age, Charlotte had already achieved so much in her young life, and often against the odds. She raced BMX bikes from the age of three was a ballroom dancing champion and crewed on a racing yacht, a sport that took her to those wild oceans of Britain. But all this was just a small part of Charlotte's young life. Now in her 30s, Charlotte has been living with HIV for 10 years. Welcome, Charlotte.
Charlotte
I was always a go getter. I was always looking for something more. And I was always looking for a bigger rush, a bigger thrill in life. And I had such a passion for childcare and working with children and I just thought, what more could I do than volunteer in an orphanage where I can volunteer my time and my skills of loving children. So, off I went. First off I did a fundraiser by baking slices. And after a couple weeks, I'd had enough money from fundraising I went and I donated the money that I had made to the orphanage. It came about spontaneous and one day I just googled Bali orphanages, and I emailed a handful of them. I got a reply from one and they said, Okay, see you next week.
Heather Ellis
Were you the only volunteer there?
Charlotte
Yeah, it was really bizarre. When I arrived at the airport at about midnight. I didn't speak any Indonesian. And I had only ever been there once when I was maybe six months before on a week holiday with a girlfriend. And I arrived at the airport and there was a strange man standing there with a sign with my name on it. And I thought, well, this must be my ride. So I went over and introduced myself and I got in this strange man's car and off we drove to the middle of a jungle in the middle of the night. It was pitch black and he literally dropped me at the door and said, goodbye. So I walked in and there was nobody there to greet me. Everyone was asleep. So I just wandered around the compound and I was very confused as to what I was meant to do. So I found a bedroom and I just parked up there for the night. And I remember calling my mom and I was like, there's giant geckos on the wall. There's a Huntsman spider in my toilet, and no one was there. And then at 5am, this huge alarm and siren went off, and I could hear all these little children. It was an all girl’s orphanage. And I could hear all these little girls all running and cheering and going into a hall, and still no one came to meet me or introduce me yet. So I followed the noises and I walked into this hall and all these little girls turned and stared at me.
Heather Ellis
And so when you got there, what were the children like? What was the reaction to this stranger coming into their life?
Charlotte
I just waved and said, Hi, I'm here to help. And they all kind of giggled and ran up and started touching me and I had a big bag of gifts of Australian teddy bears and money to buy rice and Washing Machine for them a washing machine.
Heather Ellis
A washing machine.
Charlotte
Yeah, because I realised that's what they needed because these girls were scrubbing their clothes with on a rock with soap and I thought a washing machine would really benefit these children so they had a quality of childhood not washing their own underwear each day. So after about half an hour, the children fussing over me, an adult walked into the room and she said, Oh, hi, you must be Charlotte.
Heather Ellis
This must have been an amazing experience and amazing amount of warmth and love that they would have been giving you while you're there being part of their life and helping them learn English.
Charlotte
No one really spoke much English. It was very broken and very difficult to communicate that they said to me that morning, okay, now you go to school. So I followed all these girls off to school, I thought, well, I guess I'm going where these girls are going. So I followed this group of children to school. Then they had me teach them English to the girls each morning and just be part of the class and joining in sports.
Heather Ellis
How long did you stay at the orphanage?
Charlotte
I stayed at the orphanage for a month as I realized that orphanage wasn't what I thought it to be. A lot of these children had parents and had been sold to the orphanages to get money so the orphanage then makes money from tourists and volunteers. So that didn't sit quite right with me. Yeah, so I went with good intentions, but as it unfolded. To me it didn't feel right. So I knew it was my time to move on, but I didn't want to leave Bali. So I headed down to Kuta Beach where all the tourists are, and I thought, well, I've got about $200 in my pocket. How long can this last? What can I do? So I rented a single room which cost me about $30 a month I had no mattress. So I made the most of that and surfed each day, and then I met some girls walking on the beach one day. Yeah, I think they're from Sweden. And they said they worked at a nightclub doing public relations, which I later found out that was to get dolled up and dance around at the front of a nightclub handing out flyers and free drinks to girls. So I got a job doing that. And as you can imagine, it was amazing, great fun to start with. I got awesome accommodation in a hotel, I got to party for free. And it was a whole different world from being in an orphanage. All of a sudden, my life was the night scene and I was living the dream of an 18 year old being paid to party and have fun. And after a few months, I got to know more people and I was really into the tattoo scene. I made great friends with a local girl who was only 14 and she was fully covered in tattoos from top to bottom. And she lived in Bali on her own and was working in tattoo studio. And she became my best friend. So I also started hanging out and you know, I'd get free tattoos and I'd have to walk on the beach and show off the tattoos and that's how I got money for lunch and things. I’d show off the tattoo, and tell the tourists where to come and get it done. And the shop would buy food for me each day. But the longer I stayed in the tattoo studio, I realized something wasn't quite the norm. And I noticed, they would often sneak out the back and they'd be out in the toilet for a while and I always wondered what they're doing and the young girl, she said to me, ‘we use amphetamines’, and the way she pronounced it I believe she said Vitamins as she pronounced the F as a V. So she asked me do you want to try it? It makes you have lots of energy and I was still very skeptical. And I, I didn't see what they're doing. And I avoided it for a few more weeks. And then I thought, well, you know, she seems fine. I may as well try it and it was Ice.
Heather Ellis
Did you know anything about Ice before you went to Bali?
Charlotte
I had come from a family that don't do drugs, don't drink, don't smoke, just a very, very conservative family of when it comes to drugs and alcohol. But once I tried the smoking methamphetamine, I was just addicted instantly. I didn't know that you could be so addicted and so dependent and this sense of euphoria that was so extreme that you would always be chasing but you could never get that same sense of high ever again. You know, I wanted more, but I didn't have the money. And I noticed the man was delivering it every day. And I thought, well, my best bet is to get to know him if I want to be able to keep using this thing that made me feel so amazing. I became an addict very quickly and I had the mindset of an addict. It literally changed me. You know, your morals change. Your way of life changes in an instant. You live to use and you'll get your drugs, no matter what and by any means that you have to do to get it but for me, I didn't want to have to prostitute myself. I didn't want to have to lie to my parents for money. So I thought, well, you know, this man was attractive. He had the drugs and he looked cool, you know? I was 18. This man invited me to his home village and I've said yes why not here goes another adventure. So I went on the back of a motorbike for five or six hours. He took me to his family's village. And within maybe six weeks we were married.
Heather Ellis
Well, that is very quick.
Charlotte
Yeah, I called my parents I said, guess what, I'm getting married tomorrow. And obviously, I was in a state of delusion, and so drug affected, that I had lost all clarity of making correct judgments. Being drugged took away my anxiety took away my obsessive compulsive disorder that I had battled for years. So, I was just self-medicating and felt free from mental health issues for the first time in a long time as well. So that was also another reason why I wanted to keep taking these drugs. So I married this man. I believed I loved him. And you know what, what an exciting event to get married in Bali in a ceremony and we had a big party.
Heather Ellis
Did your mum come over for the wedding?
Charlotte
No, no one came because I really only called them two days before and told it was happening. And my mum came a few weeks later, when I was like, you have to come and meet him. He's amazing rah, rah but after a couple weeks of being married, um, things changed very quickly. He became very violent, very abusive. He attempted to kill me a few times. It was a life of trafficking drugs into Bali prisons and you know, being raided by police and guns held to your head and it was adrenaline go, go go. And I was so far in and so addicted. I didn't know any way out. At this point, I didn't know that there was a thing called recovery. I didn't know that there was hope. I just continued on that path.
Heather Ellis
And then you found out you were pregnant.
Charlotte
Yeah. So I think it was only maybe a few weeks after we were married. He desperately wanted a baby and said, ‘Well, now that we're married, we have to have a baby. Because in my culture, that's what we have to do. And it has to be a boy. So we have to have a baby’. And I was like, yeah, okay, another great idea. And at the back of my mind, I also knew that that was going to be my only escape from using drugs because I knew that I couldn't use drugs when I was pregnant. From when I fell pregnant, I thought, well, I need to leave this country I need to return home because if I have any chance of giving birth, to a healthy child that's not going to be effective on these drugs. I removed myself from the country. So I did the whole geographical and packed my bags and moved back to Australia. And I stopped using drugs as soon as I returned home, I would have been about 12 weeks pregnant. I went to the GP to have my exciting pregnancy tests and all my blood tests and because I had been living overseas, they, they included the HIV test at the time.
Heather Ellis
When you're pregnant in Australia, you have an HIV test. That's what happens as soon as you're pregnant.
Charlotte
And I got a phone call to come down and they asked me to bring my mum as well which I found a bit odd, but I thought well, you know, maybe they want her there because they know how close I am to my mum. But I'm really grateful they did ask my mum to come because she's, you know, she's my soul mate, my best friend.
Heather Ellis
Did your husband come with you to Australia? Did he come back with you at that time?
Charlotte
Yeah, he did come back. He thought, you know, I'd come and see what the Australian life was all about. And so yeah, he came and he was waiting there for my pregnancy to be confirmed and in the room, the doctor told me, you're HIV positive. And my world just fell apart. My mum just cried and cried, and I was so confused as to what was going to happen. I just presumed Well, I'm going to die and my baby's gonna die. And
Heather Ellis
So prior to your diagnosis, you probably had heard nothing about HIV or what was involved and of how effective the treatments that were available.
Charlotte
Nothing I hadn't even been spoken to in school of HIV. It was never taught to us. We did the one or two ed classes about condoms and how not to get pregnant. They wouldn't ever talk to you about HIV or anything like this. And so I went home from my doctor's appointment and I told my husband, I've had an HIV test and it's positive, you need to go and have one. He was very, very angry and abusive towards me and claimed I must have been a prostitute and all these nasty things, and he did end up going and get tested and they found out that he had HIV and Hep C and he was quite far along in his HIV journey and he was becoming quite unwell. So he decided to return back to Bali, which was fine you know. I was heartbroken but I had hope for me and my baby. I met an amazing nurse from one of the clinics who, explained everything to me and that I was going to survive. I was going to live a really healthy life and my son was going to survive and live an absolutely normal life. I let go a lot of guilt once I realized that my baby wasn't going to be affected because I was very guilt ridden as to what I had I done to this poor unborn child, but I was very relieved when I found out that he would be fine if I took the HIV meds and I took the protocols that the doctors had said to me, this is what you need to do. I did every single thing you know, they would offer something I would take it, they would say this is important. So fast forward ten years later, and I have three very healthy boys. None of them have HIV.
Heather Ellis
You have a new partner now and when you told him you had HIV, was he upset because most new partners of people living with HIV have no knowledge of treatments and U equals U - undetectable equals untransmittable?
Charlotte
Because I'm undetectable. I'm untransmittable, and we have a healthy relationship he doesn't live in fear of being infected with HIV, which is really reassuring to our relationship.
Heather Ellis
You’ve been with my partner for four years. And you're living proof that supports those many studies with thousands of couples in the same situation and there's been no transmission.
Charlotte
That’s simply what has happened. Before meeting me, he didn't have any education about HIV, just like I hadn't had the education the day I found out. So you know, once I sat down and explained to him and educated him on U=U and explained, I'm on ARVs and my viral load is undetectable, that puts you at an extremely low risk. And I wouldn't ever put you at risk, because I obviously love and care about you. And once I had taken the time to explain that to him and educate him and take him for a test, things really calmed down. Yeah, and I choose to get my viral load and CD fours done every three months, you know, the doctors have said, Look, you don't need to come every three months, you can do it every six to 12 months now, because you're so well and your medication works so well, but I choose to get it done every three months. So I had that peace of mind. I don't have to worry in the back of my mind at all. So I find that reassuring as a mother and as a part of that. That's my way of taking extra responsibility, just to keep a track to make sure my viral load continues to stay undetectable, which always has. I feel I'm glad that's what I do.
Heather Ellis
And you have three children. Two boys to your new partner. And all your boys are perfectly healthy do not have HIV, because that's one of the questions you know, as a mother myself, when I tell people they say are the boys, okay?
Charlotte
It's always about the baby? They ask: What about your kids. I can say so confidently is you know, my children are HIV negative because I took the medications that I need to take, which is only one tablet a day to make sure that my children, had the best chance at life and would not be born with HIV. And none of them have been and they all very healthy very active, very boisterous, loud, bubbly boys. My children don't know their mother is living with HIV yet because, well, for me, I believe they’re too young to understand, but when they grow up, and I can explain to them what had happened to Mum, they can have that peace of mind that mums not going to die. Nothing bad's gonna happen to mum because of this which is really reassuring as a mum to be able to come out to my children and explain. Mum's not gonna die. Mum's going to be okay.
Heather Ellis
I’ve told my three boys. They’re all young teenagers and it's fantastic that they know because when there's some information on TV about HIV, they're really interested and they are educating their peers at school who surprisingly will say: ‘I've never heard of HIV, what's HIV,’ Which in this day and age is completely, unbelievable that is happening and that there is virtually no sexual health education in schools.
Charlotte
It's scary the lack of education and the stigma and the confusion and things behind HIV, which is still quite frightening. This lack of education, we need to start in schools to break that stigma.
Heather Ellis
And this is what this podcast is all about with women sharing their stories so that when we speak out and share our stories. Hopefully people will be educated and understand and be better informed. And that will end stigma because the stigma comes through a lack of information, lack of education, complete ignorance around HIV. And what has your experience of stigma been?
Charlotte
There’s been so much stigma, especially more with my first child and it's become less as I've had each child, which I'm really grateful for because the first one you know, I was asked to leave a mother's group in case my child was to bite another child which is just ridiculous, which again, is sad due to their lack of education. I've had HIV tests taken on my baby, unfortunately, without my consent, again, due to lack of education.
Heather Ellis
When babies are born to mothers living with HIV, part of the routine procedure is to test the baby for HIV, but it would be almost impossible that the baby had contracted HIV. And no baby has been born with HIV to a mother with HIV in Australia who is on HIV medications.
Charlotte
Yes, my children had their tests at birth, four weeks and I think it was 12 weeks they had their testing and each baby had a course of four weeks of oral viral syrup that they were given each day as a precaution.
Heather Ellis
But in many medical situations, the healthcare workers don't understand that and just assume, oh, you're HIV positive, maybe the child's HIV positive as well. So they just have no understanding of how effective the treatments are.
Charlotte
I experience that recently. My youngest has been quite unwell. In and out of hospital with nothing to do with HIV with a type of periodic fever that's going on with him. And, you know, I've had out of maybe 10 doctors that I've seen, they have jumped to conclusions. They have said: “oh my god, we need to HIV test right now”. And that's what is happening today. I had that stigma and it was upsetting as a mother, knowing that I had done all the all the right things that I needed to do to protect my child and they didn't have the education that, hey, this mother has done everything she's meant to do.
Heather Ellis
And what seems to happen in so many cases is that the stigma is coming from the healthcare sector. And that would be where you would expect there to be no HIV stigma.
Charlotte
Yeah, and that's where it comes from. I've had paramedics ask me what would happen if they drank from my drink bottle. And I've had a dentist when I was first diagnosed, call the chemist to let them know a lady with HIV was coming to pick up a script. I've had so much stigma. I've had blood tests, by someone who said: “Oh, you should be used to this you used to needles. The lifestyle you live”. I had never used a needle in my life. That was when I was using drugs. So I obviously looked like a drug addict. I had a very sunken in face, I was 40 something kilos, and I was clearly under the influence of methamphetamine. Still, this was back in Australia, you know, so they jumped straight to the conclusion of are you used to needles or you're a junkie. That's how you've got the HIV which actually had nothing to do with how I contracted HIV. It was from a man who didn't know that he had caught it from tattoos as a teenager.
Heather Ellis
Yes, and in so many cases, women are contracting HIV through unprotected .
Charlotte
That's what happened with me. I decided to have a baby with my first partner and he had no idea in the world that he had HIV, and he also had Hep C. They believe while he believed that he must have contracted it from tattoos from living in a third world country at a time in a prison and that's where he believed it came from and he chose not to have the treatment. And he ended up dying. He has passed away eight years ago, which just goes to remind me how important my meds are and how grateful I am to live in a country where we have such amazing access to treatment. So it makes all the little negative comments and things you know, not feel as bad when you realise how lucky we are to live in a country with this amazing access to treatment.
Heather Ellis
And it would be great if they could have that treatment available to everybody in the world. I mean, it would cost like $1 a day. There are 38 million people in the world living with HIV but 16 million of those people don't get the treatment.
Charlotte
There needs to be an end to the stigma in Bali too. If he had of told his family and his friends in Bali before he died. He would have been cast out from his village. None of his friends would have wanted to touch him. He wouldn't have been welcomed to come into the tattoo studios. He wouldn't have been welcommed by his family's temple any more. So he actually decided not to be treated and went back to Bali and ended up back in drugs and drug dealing and led him to jail and death. You know that's a whole other story but that was his journey.
Heather Ellis
And now with your family, your partner and your three boys, have you been to Bali to visit your oldest son's family.
Charlotte
I told his family once he passed, and, they were very supportive and they were very sorry that it happened to me. They apologized a lot. And I said, you know, no one is to blame. I'm never going to hold blame towards somebody. As a family we still travel we live a normal awesome fun life we do things with our kids.
Heather Ellis
And I bet they're going to take up BMX riding like yourself when you were a young girl,
Charlotte
Definitely. One boy is on the bike, another is on a boat. I just got to get one of them into ballroom dancing now.
Heather Ellis
I’d just like to ask, what it means to you to share your story with others on this podcast?
Charlotte
So for me, I feel privileged to be able to share my story with others. I wish nothing more than to give other women a sense of happiness and a sense of identity. To remove that feeling of guilt shame and the stigma that is joined to HIV. I want every woman to feel that they can rise up. They can LIVE with HIV and it’s okay and not to feel you know shunned upon and you're anything less and you're not from this world anymore because you are and you are doing as important as every other woman that walks this earth, if not, you're even more special. My life has changed absolutely so much since I've become in contact with the Positive Women Victoria in Melbourne. Before that I never really spoke about my HIV it was just there existing in the background. And it didn't need to be spoken of it was just, you know, it's just something that was there that I live with. It was never brought up. But when I became connected, I have this new sense of empowerment. And, you know, I'm almost proud to be able to speak for the women that don't have the voices to speak. You know, my son always says to me: “Mum, we need to speak for the people who don't have their voices to speak”. And that just goes into my heart. Those of us who speak up, we have a voice to speak for those women that don't have their voices. So Now is my time to speak up.
Heather Ellis
That is fantastic. Your son is a very special young man.
Thank you, Charlotte for sharing your story. You've taken taken us all on an amazing journey.
Charlotte
Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story and I hope that I give hope to other women who feel that they can share their story because the more we share, the more we empower each other and break down this stigma.
Heather Ellis
If you've enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you can listen when future episodes are posted. Please rate and review this podcast and share it. Our stories is part of the women in HIV tell the story project made possible by Gilead Sciences through the Gilead together grant program and produced by Positive Women Victoria, a community by support and advocacy organisation for women living with HIV in Australia. I'm Heather Ellis. Thanks so much for listening. Isn't it time we ended HIV stigma once and for all.
For more details on topics discussed in this episode, please visit:
Positive Women Victoria: https://positivewomen.org.au
