The SelfWork Podcast

471 SelfWork: When Sexual Abuse Tears A Family Apart

We’re talking about sexual abuse on SelfWork today – so please, if you have sexual abuse in your history or have somehow been affected by it, listen carefully.Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that’s behind the message. And this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was so palpable for me. Not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss.Who was it from? She’s a therapist. A mom. A daughter, not in that order. Let’s call her Lisa.So, what had happened? Lisa’s very young daughter had told her that her mother’s husband, Lisa’s stepfather, had sexually molested her. And she’s struggling to handle the consequent tsunami of family distrust and estrangement between the members of her family – which is very common but still very painful. At the very time she feels she most needs her mother, her mom has taken her stepfather’s side and believes her granddaughter is making up something that didn’t happen.Maybe some of you tried to talk to a parent or a teacher or a pastor about being hurt sexually or any other way in your family. Not only were you not believed. You might’ve been blamed or warned not to tell “lies” about your family – or the perpetrator.Again, please take care in listening if you have a history of sexual abuse or were hurt in some way through sexual abuse. The sexual abuse hotline number/website below.Vital Links:The RAINN.org sexual abse hotline/websiteJane Epstein's incredibly courageous journey, revealing sibling sexual abuseSelfWork episode on intrafamilial sexual abuseAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

470 SelfWork: How to Find Meaning In The Moment with Author Pam Roy

One of the most difficult things we all face is how to find meaning in the moments or experiences of our lives that are cruel or devastating, frightening or despairing. The very idea that that might be possible can seem to completely ignore the very real pain or injury of that moment.A book all about finding meaning... One of the most eye-opening books I ever read, I was introduced to in a freshman class I took in college. The course was geared toward the study of how different writers and philosophers, both ancient and present-day, had thought about how to do just that - find meaning.That book was Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I read it from cover to cover. In it, he told the story of being a prisoner in four different concentration camps during the Holocaust. What stayed with me was how he vowed to discover the tiniest shreds of meaning, of mattering that he could. Before he was imprisoned at age 37, he'd worked as a psychiatrist and neurologist, and had created a form of therapy called “logo therapy” - a form of psychotherapy that focuses on finding meaning in life as the primary human motivation. It operates on the belief that individuals have the freedom to find purpose even in suffering, Its techniques aim to help people discover meaning through their work, love, and their attitude toward unavoidable sufferingMy guest on SelfWork today, Pam Roy, has co-authored a book that serves as a companion book, offering creative reflections on many of Victor Frankl’s essential ideas.  She’s full of stories about Frankl – is an expert on both him and his work – and has dedicated much of her life on trying to help people (especially parents) understand that their job is to find their own meaning and model that journey for their children.Vital Links:Pam Roy's bookAn article on logo therapyAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

469 SelfWork: Understanding the Fears and Faces of Borderline Moms

Today we’re focusing on what are termed borderline traits as well as different types of borderline personality disorder.There are many people, primarily women, who struggle with it, without knowing what to call it. In fact, it wasn’t a “diagnosis” until 1980. But that certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t real before that date.Having any kind of personality disorder is tough. What do those words “personality disorder” mean? We’ll go over that (you may be wondering if you or someone you love may struggle with that). And today, we'll be covering two distinct and contradictory fears of those having borderline traits. We'll also focus on four different categories within the borderline framework that Dr. Christine Lawson uses in her fantastic book, Understanding the Borderline Mother. Her whole approach is so that you, as her adult child, can learn how to have a relationship with her – with certain guardrails put in place.Vital Links:Mayo Clinic article on personality disordersThe classic book on borderline personality disorder “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me”SelfWork episode on nine ways to work through the guilt you may feel with a BPD momSelfWork episode on how you can never be enough for someone with BPDPsychology Today article outlining the two major fears of someone with BPDSummary of the four types of BPDAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

468 SelfWork: Stop Going Down The High-Functioning Rabbit Hole with Dr. Whitney Casares

Are you going down the high-functioning nervous breakdown rabbit hole?When I read these words, written by our guest on SelfWork today, I knew I wanted her on the show. She’s a pediatrician, a mom, an executive – and she gets it.Most women feel like failures—always feeling like they’re not doing enough, but so exhausted from their over-functioning that they have no more to give. Their go-to solution? To double down on doing more for everyone but themselves. The result? A vicious cycle of work harder, grow resentful, explode at the kids or partner (or even just internally), feel ashamed, and then work even harder to do more, driving themselves even further down the high-functioning nervous breakdown rabbit hole. No wonder their health is suffering as a result.Let me introduce you to Dr. Whitney Caseres. In her spare time, she’s writing a book for children about liking their body, she’s the podcast host of Modern Mommy Doc, and she’s making sure that she does a lot for all the moms out there who are struggling with that sense of overwhelm and failure. Her new book, Doing It All, is packed full – not of meaningless advice – but very practical steps to help parents make sure their actual priorities, aka their values, stay at the top.Advertisers Links: Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your new subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

467 SelfWork: Healing Narcissism's Wounds

Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists, the first what she calls covert, the second malignant. I’ll describe those terms, so you’ll know what we’re talking about. But she described herself as feeling hopeless about her ability to trust anyone again.What brought these stories together in my own mind was not only that the two stories were about narcissism. But how both listeners conveyed a sense of not knowing how to heal or which direction to go where their lives wouldn’t be so painfully affected by their narcissistic parent or ex-partner.Vital Links: Duke Health proposes an acronym - SPECIAL MEArticle with Dr. Margaret's advice on dealing with narcissism:Hormone Replacement Episode with Donna WhiteAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   . Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands