How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach.

#053 What does emotionally mature parenting look like and how do you get there?

When I became a parent I would have told you I had life figured out. If you had asked me about my emotional world, I couldn’t have explained much about it. Yes, I wanted my children to be ‘good with their emotions’,, but I wasn’t very good with my own emotions - so how was I supposed to model or teach this to my own children? Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognise the emotions of those around you. It is the key to emotional wellbeing and healthy relationships. So what does emotionally mature parenting look like and how do you get there? Listen to this week's episode to hear my thoughts. If you would love to build your own emotional intelligence I would like to invite you to join my six month mentoring program The Peaceful Parent School. Click here to find out more and book your place. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#052 Do natural or logical consequences have a place in Gentle Parenting?

There is a lot of talk in parenting circles about consequences. So I wanted to spend a bit of time breaking down what exactly we mean by consequences, including logical consequences and natural consequences. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents in Facebook groups looking for help to think of a logical or a natural consequence for their child’s behaviour. This comes from a belief that children will only learn from their actions if every behaviour has some kind of consequence. The problem is that there is a very fine line between a consequence and a punishment. It comes down to our motivation. Are we trying to manipulate our child’s behaviour so they behave in certain ways or are we there to support them and offer connection when they are struggling? Once we get clear on our motivations, we can approach children’s behaviour with a level of trust and connection that will strengthen the parent-child relationship. When we try to control children’s behaviour through using systems of punishments and rewards, we are using our power over our children. This erodes trust and leads to more tricky behaviour in the long term. If you haven’t already, you might want to check out last week’s episode 51 where I break down punishments and rewards. I would also like to invite you to my new workshop The Screen Time Solution where I am going to talk about how to end the screen battles and stay connected to your children in a digital world. It takes place on Thursday 24th November at 8pm UK Time (12pm PST, 3pm EST). Click here to find out more and book your place. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

#051 Is it really possible to parent without punishments and rewards?

There is a common myth that we have to reward good behaviour and have consequences for bad behaviour in order to get our children to listen and behave. How do you get your kids to listen? What leverage do you have left as a parent if you can’t use a threat or a bribe to get your child to comply? The problem is that rewards and punishments make children look outside of themselves for how to behave. Instead, you want to teach children to look within themselves, to their own internal compass of what is right and wrong. In this episode I talk in depth about how using systems of rewards and punishments to control children’s behaviour can damage the parent-child relationship and lead to more disconnection and more conflict. I also talk about the alternative to this type of conditional parenting which focuses on connection and building relationship as a way to help children stay connected to themselves and create a cooperative, happy home as a result. Click here if you would like to learn more about my Peaceful Parent School, my transformative six month program designed to make peaceful parenting a reality in your home and help you create a lifelong deep and satisfying relationship with your child based on connection, not control. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

#050 Your parent questions answered: supporting children with learning, sitting at the dinner table and off-track behaviour when Grandma is visiting

Today I am celebrating the 50th episode of the podcast by answering some of your parenting questions. I talk about supporting children with school and learning and the importance of focusing on our children's emotional development after which learning will follow. Next up, I talk about how to deal with children who don't want to sit at the dinner table and cause chaos at mealtimes. I talk about what might be driving the tricky behaviour and how we can overcome it in gentle ways. You can read more about gentle ways to help children sit at the table in my blog article here. And finally I answer a question about a child's behaviour going way off-track every time Grandma comes to visit. I explore what deeper emotions the behaviour might be communicating and ways to nurture children so they can better regulate their emotions in these moments. If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST). If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

#049 Respecting children's fears and uncertainty at times like Halloween

Today I talk about respecting our children when they are hesitating or feeling uncertain about joining in at times like Halloween, but also other times like getting photos taken with Santa, joining in at birthday parties or participating in other activities you’ve signed them up for. Whatever the situation may be, it is really common for young children to be uncertain at these times, to hesitate and hang back in your safety. For me it always seemed like everyone else’s children were so much more confident and well-adjusted compared to my daughter who would be hiding her head in my leg and clinging on to me for dear life. I would watch the other kids happily running around, taking part, enjoying themselves and I wanted that for my daughter. I would have all these thoughts swirling around in my head - What is wrong with her? Why can’t she be more independent? I wish she was like the other kids. But over time I became more adept at trusting my daughter and attuning to her and what she needed at those times. Because when I thought about it, it was important to me to trust my daughter’s timing, to allow her to trust herself and what felt right for her so that as she grows up, she stays connected to what is right for her and what is out of her comfort zone - and she knows it is ok to trust and honour that. Parents have a fear that if they don’t push their children then they will get left behind and they have to foster independence in their children from an early age. But when we focus on creating a secure attachment, this sets the stage for confidence in later life. It also allows kids to stay connected to their yes and no, to trust themselves. In this episode I also discuss when there is a time and a place to support our children to do things they think are beyond them and how we can encourage them out of their comfort zone in a supportive and sensitive way, making space for their fears and worries, so they can move past them. All in a child-centred way that attunes to your child’s needs rather than acting out of your own fears and insecurities. I share some practical responses you can use to reassure yourself and validate your child’s experience in these tricky moments when they are struggling to take part or feeling unsure of themselves. If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST). If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.