How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach.

#048 Seven ways to keep your cool when your child is pushing your buttons

The biggest gift you can give your children when they are struggling with big emotions, when they are frustrated or upset, is to be the calm in their storm. It is your parenting superpower. When you can come to the situation with calm, you can be the confident leader your child needs in that moment. You can model emotional regulation and help your child co-regulate with your balanced system. If you join them in their upset, their frustration, their meltdown, their drama, then both your limbic systems go into fight, flight or freeze response. Neither of you can think well and nobody is going to be able to regulate their emotions very well. If you aren’t able to stay calm, that’s when you start to take things personally, when you start to view your child as the enemy, you lose your perspective, you get swept away by thoughts like - “They’re manipulating me, they’re doing this on purpose, they should know better, how dare they behave like this after all I’ve done for them”. It’s so hard not to get drawn in but that’s exactly what will be most helpful. You stay as a compassionate observer. In this episode I talk about seven ways you can keep your cool when your child is struggling: Change your perspective Adjust your expectations Welcome strong emotions Take a time out for you Take care of your own nervous system Notice when you are triggered and get the emotional support you need Get your own needs met as a parent If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST). If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

#047 The power of listening and the origins of Hand in Hand Parenting with Patty Wipfler

This week I talk to Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting. Patty has been working with parents for 47 years. Over that time she has developed the parenting by connection approach, the five listening tools you hear me talk about on the podcast (Listening Partnerships for parents, Staylistening, Setting Limits, Special Time and Playlistening) and the Hand in Hand Parenting organisation which supports 1000s of parents around the world. In this episode Patty generously shares with us the story of her own childhood and how that had a profound influence on her life's work of making lives better for children and parents. Patty experienced from a very early age the impact parent stress can have on the family system and she has used that experience to guide her work with parents. Patty talks about how the Hand in Hand Parenting approach emerged firstly from being listened to herself and then through using the same principles to listen to children. She talks about the power of connection and the huge stress parents face in a world that doesn't support parents well. Patty embodies how listening to parents and children with warmth, love and respect can change the world. She has such deep compassion and wisdom to share with us, you are in for a real treat. If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST). If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents. I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

#046 Supporting our children to cope with grief, death and dying

This week I talk about how we can support our children to cope with grief, death and dying. We want to protect our children from grief. It is such a difficult time if you and your family are experiencing grief, if there is a death in your immediate family, a parent, a grandparent, a close family member, a friend, someone in the community - or a much loved pet. Your child might start to ask about death or they might have some big feelings if they lose someone they love. In this episode I talk about how we can support our children to cope with grief, death and dying. I explore: When children are asking a lot of questions about death, and are afraid of you or someone else they love dying. How you can support a child who is experiencing grief themselves. When you experience a loss, the effect that has on your child and how you can support yourself and your child through a difficult time. Please share this episode with a friend who you think might find it helpful and follow me on Instagram.

#045 Raising Body Happy Kids with Molly Forbes

This week I talk to writer, campaigner and journalist Molly Forbes. Molly is author of the book Body Happy Kids: how to help children and teens love the skin they’re in. In this episode, Molly shares her own journey to becoming body happy and how that led to her passion to help parents and children be happy in their bodies too. We go on to talk about a wide range of topics with lots of practical ideas to help you raise body happy kids and become more body happy yourself. We talk about: Anti-fat bias, thin privilege and how they are intertwined with sexism, racism and ableism. Why Molly talks about “body happy” instead of “body image” How to challenge the idea that some bodies are good bodies and some bodies are bad bodies depending on how they look Why body image is more than how we feel when we look in the mirror How to feel at peace with your body in a world that doesn’t equate appearance with value Ways to improve your own body happiness and undo your biases around weight and appearance so you can model this to your children Helping children recognise diet culture The myth that health is directly linked to body size Why we need to shift our focus from individual responsibility to addressing the bigger systems that influence our health and wellbeing. How to help children develop a long term healthy relationship with food and movement. I absolutely loved this conversation with Molly. I highly recommend following her on social media @mollyjforbes @bodyhappyorg and checking out her Body Happy website. You can download Molly's free information pack about the UK’s National Child Measurement Programme. Follow me on social media Instagram and Facebook @PamParentCoach

#044 Why gentle parenting is about connection instead of control

I talk a lot about connection on the podcast, it is at the heart of the Hand in Hand Parenting approach. And then I realised I’ve never done an episode dedicated to talking about connection. So here it is - long overdue. I often hear people ask - what exactly is gentle parenting? Or maybe they call it peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting or attachment parenting. For me, gentle parenting is all about moving from control-based parenting to connection-based parenting. Are we trying to control our children’s behaviour or are we trying to build cooperation through relationship and connection? In this episode I discuss: Why gentle parenting means something different for everyone What control based parenting is and why it has been the dominant parenting style for so long How Hand in Hand Parenting takes a very different approach to understanding children’s behaviour The neuroscience of connection and how that impacts on children’s behaviour Why we can trust children’s true nature without having to control it How to respond to children when they’ve lost their sense of connection When connection doesn’t seem to be enough, what else can be getting in the way Why it can be so difficult to parent without control, especially when we are exhausted, stressed or under-resourced How to put all of these ideas into practice using the Hand in Hand Parenting tools. To find out more about how to bring more connection and cooperation into your family, sign up to my free Why Your Kids Won't Listen Masterclass and follow me on Instagram and Facebook.