Kane & Feels: Paranormal Investigators
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The Season Two Premier of Kane and Feels is out NOW
Kane and Feels shelter from the rain, and do some hard core detective work.
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WHEN was written by Jack Fitzpatrick and Oliver Morris
The cast in order of Appearance:
Oliver Morris – Brutus Feels
Jack Fitzpatrick – Lucifer Kane
Mean Mark Waylett – The Yawning Man
Umnia El Neil – Ishani
Greta Clarkson – Hana Turnwood-Knott
George Ofori-Addo – Riz
Beth Eyre – Thornbush Princess
Conrad Muzik – The Cowboy Binman
Written by Jack FItzpatrick and Oliver Morris
Directed by Jude Hodgeson Hann
Production and Sound Design by Jude Hodgson Hann and Oliver Morris
Composition by Oliver Morris
Sound design was by Jude Hodgson Hann and Oliver Morris and
it was a production for Skadi’s Symphony.
Content Warning:
Drug Use, including alcohol and marijuana.
Peril.
Panic attacks
Loud Noises
Depictions of Witchcraft and Christianity
Themes of Post Traumatic Stress.
TRANSCRIPT BELOW
Feels: RIght, lemme just get this door. RRRRRRRGH GDDMN
Kane: Not like that, like this
Feels: Oh! Nice
Kane:There we go.Yeah, no I… I don’t remember how I know how to do that, but I do, so.
Feels: Either way we’ve got some rain protection now.
Kane: Albeit briefly. THere is nothing more comfortable in this world than someone else’s paid up beach hut.
Feels: Yes, Love a good beach hut.
Kane: So what have you learnt.
Feels: Oh, me. Nothing. Absolutely Squat all. Other than what you told me but I’ve forgotten most of that
Kane: Right, so what are we going to do about it?
Feels: Ah that is a good question. What have you learnt so far?.
Kane: Oh… lots … lots and lots of things many
Feels: Hm
Kane: Man- many… many things.
Feels:Yes. Which are?
Kane: Um….
Feels: Hmmm
Kane: Uhhhhhh… about- about Twomy St. Dunstans specifically or just general knowledge?
Feels: Uhhhh I was gonna say Twomy specifically, but uhhh… I’ll go for any general knowledge you have kicking around in the old noggin.
Kane: What’s the best thing about living ln Switzerland?
Feels:What is the best thing about living ln Switzerland?
Kane: I don’t know but the flags a big plus.
Feels: AAAAAAomyAh. I get it.
Kane: So…. Twomy.
Feels: Yesssss.
Kane:Deamons? (he says, question mark)
Feels: Ahhh. Are demons a thing?
Kane: Yes. I’m … I’m going to go…
Feels: okay
Kane: I’m going to go fiddle with some things. That sounded worse than it is. I’m going to go fiddle with some things and I’m going to get to the answer of the questions to whether its demons or not. Or… So i’m going to go do that. I’m going to see if that works. What are you going to do?
Feels: Well, yknow, I’m on holiday, I guess. like I’ve been – I’ve been tryna just see the sights, get the sounds, smile at strangers and passersby. So um.
Kane: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, especially after our brief escapade in Ireland but um, roll with that!
Feels: Alright!
Kane: Yeah!/
Feels: Yeah!
Kane: Maybe that… maybe that’ll do something
Feels: Alright. Here’s the plan then: You’re gonna go deal with demons. I’mma be – you see that little spot there?
Kane: On the beach with nothing in it?
Feels: yeah,.I’m gonna – Im gonna build a sandcastle right over there
Kane: We beach differently.
Feels: hehehe, i’m gonna get a bucket from priestly’s curios and get right on that.
Kane: oh! i’m not going to go back in there; who knows what I’ll come out with next time!
Feels: Uhh fair.
Kane: Right, i’m going to go have a fiddle, if we don’t see you in an hour we’re probably both dead
Feels: Alright we’ll meet back at the beach hut,
Kane: Back at the beach hut.
Kane and Feels: Episode 4 When
KANE: An idea is occuring. This is demons. Not bin bag soldiers or seeds of suicide. Actual demons, this town is a demon demon thing. I’ve had a theory recently that certain forms of architecture are a trace based eye sigil! Do You understand?!? The method of following is tracing the building. I think I can read them now. I walk past that weird statue. I look at the church. Oh crap. It’s modern. It’s red brick and brutalist. I can’t read this. Change tack, new tack. Let’s… annoy demons? I step back, I hide behind a dark green electricity box. I draw a tracery, an infernal auspice. I write a binding script. I make a mistake in the binding on PURPOSE! and I wait. I wait. I wait. No demons. Do I moon it? I’ll come back later. Electricity box next to the church. OK.
I AM THE YAWNING MAN
I AM THE SLEEPING MAN
I STAND ON GUARD
WITH TONGS IN HAND
Woooooooooaaaaaah………………. Dyovil,
I see you still,
you creep around these parts.
Head hanging low,
looking for the wanton,
for the weak and the wild,
the proud, the hungry
the greedy.
These souls could your hunger sate!
These souls could your thirst slake!
Quenched, revived, and dearly missed.
But more…
Always more…
Your greed is your undoing.
never your thirst sated
Never your hunger placaded
So the scared, the lonely, the lost, were within your grasp.
It is too much,
far too much.
But I see. I hear, and I know.
Viscously, with wakefulness and dream
As you see me, take in my form.
These people remember my vestments and remember my name!
They forget my brawn!
From Twisting brass into organ pipes! From HAMMERING COPPER TO SONOROUS BELLS!
My POWER!
But not you dyovil ohhhh noooo..
You remember.
You feel it! Still! The pain
the ache.
Hot nail driven into cloven hooves
Hot tongs, To be lead by sensitive NOSE!
And you remember my Oath.
(BELLOWED)
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS LAND,
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS PARISH.
WHILE I HAVE MY TONGS IN HAND
WHILE I AM THE SLEEPING MAN
While I am the yawning man.
FEELS:
Sandcastle No. 6
Made with a plastic bucket from Priestley’s curios. Water ratio lacking, crumbling immediately when mould was removed.
Sandcastle No. 38
Corners of the courtyard held up surprisingly well, but lack of moat and additional drainage lead to quick flooding.
Must find a way to improve foundations.
Sandcastle No. 419
Quick Dry cement from Priestly’s curios ensures a challenge for corrosive waters, though each iteration eventually crumbles away, looking like the ruins of forgotten Scottish keeps.
Grey sand sticking to boots.
Sandcastle No. 13,291
Turns out there’s a thriving DIY Panic Room community. I’ve managed to hollow out and fortify a pretty solid tomb beneath the sand. The ceiling drips and there’s no reception, but now I can barely hear the waves.
Read King Lear cover to cover in one sitting.
Sandcastle No. 168,422
Generator was clogged with sand again, but the portable stove and cafetiere from Priestley’s curios helps with all issues. But I don’t understand how I’ve been able to get this far. I no longer acknowledge the sea, even when the tide is all the way in. I think that while I’m beneath the sea there can be no progress.
I have to rise above the waves.
Boat No. 1
Bought a rubber dingy from Priestly’s curios, it floated above the tides.
Boat No. 1
Bought a rubber dingy from Priestly’s curios, it floated above the tides.
Boat No. 1
Bought a rubber dingy from Priestly’s curios, it floated above the tides.
Boat No. 1
Bought a rubber dingy from Priestly’s curios, it floated above the tides.
Kane: Aha!/
Feels: Yo!/
Kane: You have not, you have not died!
Feels: No. Well… no/ not well
Kane: What’s that ‘well’, I don’t like the sound of that ‘well’
Feels: I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes but I haven’t died… Yet.
Kane: Okay. Uh, I .. I am extremely pleased with myself. I have put a bunch of things together and If it’s a certain number of things then a certain number of sigils are going to explode. I’ve basically made a sigil alarm system. it’s very complicated, you wouldn’t understand.
Feels: Alright, d’you wanna try and explain it to me?
Kane: It’s like laying down rat traps, but I dont know wheter its a rat trap or a long extinct wooly mammoths. If it’s rats then I was right, if it’s wooly mammoths then I was right, and If it’s leopards. I couldn’t think about the possibility of it being leopards but I ams till correct
Feels: That cat’s back. Have you seen the beach cat?
Kane: It’s not our cat is it?
Feels: Nuuuuuhare you our cat? No.
Cat: Meow!
Feels: Alright, well, on your way, young sir.
Kane: Do you think i need to set a trap for it?
Feels: Don’t set cat traps! What’s/
Kane: Cat Trap!
Feels: What’s wrong with you? that’s
Kane: It won’t it’s not a trap
Feels: YOu just told me about yourt explosive rat traps, and now you want a cat trap as well?
Kane: It would be like a holding spell.
Feels: I feel like we could do that with a cardboard box and save some – some mana
Kane: oh I could attempt to work out what makes a cardboard box so inter- maybe Twomy St. Dunstans is a cardboard box.
Feels: Yes.
Kane: We need to pound the pavement
Feels: We do.
Kane: I’m going to go look at objects
Feels: I’m going to go talk to people and get an ice cream
Kane: Beach hut in an hour or we’re both –
Feels & Kane : Dead!
Feels: Yes!
Kane: Yes!
Feels: As per usje
Kane: New Team Motto:
Feels: Beach hut in an hour or we’re dead!
Ishani: What do you want?
Feels: An Ice Cream
Ishani: What Kind?
Feels: uhh. What do you have?
Ishani: Chocolate Swirl, Raspberry Swirl, Blackcurrant Swirl, Caramel Swirl, Rum Swirl, Strawberry Swirl, Lemon Swirl and Blood.
Feels: and Wha—
Ishani: *sighs*
Feels: Don’t you work at The Balti King
Ishani: I dunno
Feels: Yep, fair. Why so many swirls?
Ishani: Freezer’s busted. All we have is Sauces and the Mr. Whippy.
Feels: Is that like, important?
Ishani: What do you think?
Feels: Ouch, Fair. I’ll just get the blackcurrant.
Hana: The Blackcurrent syrup quickly melds into the cream, creating a dark violet hue.
Feels: Ah cool, neat
Ishani: You’re weird
Feels: Yeah
Ishani: You’re like my brother.
Feels: Yeah?
Ishani: Yeah.
Feels: What’s he like?
Ishani: Weird. A shut in. Works with Computers. Uses all the bandwidth to stream.
Feels: Huh. Where does he stream?
Ishani: I dunno.
Feels: Uh…What does he stream?
Ishani: Like… retro games? Maybe?
Feels: What’s his screen name?
Ishani: Why are you so curious?
Feels: ….. No Idea. Curiosity.
Ishani: Right.
Yeah:
Feels: Right, yeah. What do I owe you?
Ishani: Nothing. You owe me nothing. Keep your questions to yourself, and stay away from my brother. Stay out my life
Feels: Alright.
Feels: Wait, what’s your brother’s name
Ishani; RIIIIIIIIZugh
RIZ: The moment I login I get a Nyarlathotep44 message with a link to the Iranon IM chat. Cool. Whatever. The top streams right now are Miskatonic with his rubix cube again, then someone called Shub-Niggurath looking at an animal corpse in a forest,then Lucasart’s all point and click speedrun by The White Underscore Ship.
Man: See those bits?
Sax: Yeah?
Man: Those are the bits that should be on the inside. They appear to be, on the outside.
RIZ: Surely number two is against the rules? I click back to the main page and it’s already gone. Number two is Zadock234, good admins, and Good admins and a good community. I go live without mic, and get 400 ish, the best I’ve ever done with yellow sign for sure.
RIZ: But I’m waiting to see the spider, not the spider that built the web, but the spider who feeds from it. Because of the way the web moves. It’s called being a predator.
KANE: An idea is occurring. It’s object based! there’s an object, a grail a reliquary! Somewhere in this town there’s some bloody thing that’s holding it here. Object discovery is one of my new fields of study. As a part of the LK divination-detective method! Ha! I can find a piece of evidence using the natural flow of the universe. It’s going to– well ok, I admit, one time I was working for a Swiss banking firm looking for mystical fraud and some sort of … imp? Took the evidence and ran away with it. Might have… summoned the imp. can’t seem to replicate that though… Anyway. There’s enough energy here for me to try lots. Mounted on my belt I carry a little lacquer inro filled with omikuji, little japanese fortune telling paper strips. Because we don’t have much interaction with the principles of Japanese demons and gods it serves as a control to spot the dif– I’m going to throw one. It’s going to follow to the next source. Hm, Second hand shop. Charity shop! That makes so much sense!
Thornbush: Good morning!
Kane: Hurm… ho-Hello.
KANE: Time to search. Something in here is going to ping something. Don’t think the omikuji will work again. I’ll wrap a charm to my hand but none of my charms work. Going to have to rely on myself. Bleh. Not so confident in that any more.
Thornbush: Can I help you?
Kane: No, no thank you.
KANE: Damn it, it could be anything. It seems like everything in here is European. Velvet dresses, swirling landscapes of golden skies, Doe eyed maidens. This place is of romanticism. It’s a big revivalist ritual existing in simultaneous time. Interesting. I think I’m overthinking it though. I’m on edge, I feel like I’ve had not enough sleep and too much and that I’ve just been born and I’ll – What?
Thornbush: Ah! You’ve found the treasure! m09
Kane: I’m sorry?
Thornbush: The one holy piece in my little collection
Kane: Your collection?
Thornbush: Hehe, well I want to share them with everyone so I sell them! Hehehe.
Kane: What is this?
Thornbush: It’s a tapestry! From reading my books I think it’s 1523? definitely 1520s
Kane: How would you know that…
Thornbush: Hmm?
Kane: nothing…
KANE: She’s quite correct. It’s a beautiful 16th century tapestry of a forest grove. There is a woman with her hands spread like a saint, at her knees a unicorn. The original goat like unicorn, nuzzling at her. Around the edges are brambles, spiked, roses growing in a pink. The boarder has satyrs and … imps? And…uh
Thornbush: So pretty.
Kane:hm..
KANE: The leaves around them fade in to fleur de lis. The woman’s face is cool and kind, but the brambles are closer to the unicorn than they should be. The reds have faded, but the pink has not. In the far distance there is a man. I’ve not noticed him before, he’s looking over his books. He’s weeping. In front. The unicorn. The unicorn is bleeding.
Thornbush: I can do it for £50, but I’d hate to see it go.
Kane: No, I think that’s fine. You should … you should always look after it.
KANE: I stand up. I leave. I walk out of there. I look at the shop girl for the first time her face is cool and kind. I am outside. The shop closes and the lights go back. It was morning a second ago? GAH! That was definitely a thing! AH! FEY?!? OOP. DAMN. ok. Ok, she’s not a cause, she’s a symptom. Time to press on. U
Thornbush: We climbed up through the skylight and sat on the roof. The whole town was spread before us and the light of the pink setting sun dappled along the rooftops like a Rossetti painting. The tiles held firm as we clambered and I found myself quite comfortable up there. The boy talked, his name was Adam, his hair was brown and his eyes blue. I felt comfortable with him. He got his phone out to show me a picture of his dog and I spied the time, Seven fifty eight. and I chuckled. I told him about the purple light, he said he had come down for the party from London, but hadn’t seen it. I told him how pretty it was. And right on cue…
˜Feels: shh shh… Check this out, check this out. I took your idea of getting a box, and I reckon I’m gonna catch that cat in in 3…2… Yes! Haha! got a cat in a box now. What do you say to that. Fun summer activities.
Kane: Um, i ended up talking to more people than i expected to and I didn’t exactly enjoy it.
Feels: Oh no!
Kane: The person was lovely but there’s just
Feels: Baggage,
Kane: There’s something.
Feels: Hmmm… Well I spoke to a nice lady who gave me an ice cream, and
Kane: Good!
Feels: Yeah she seemed alright. I mean, kinda like… like like weird vibe, but not in a weird vibe kinda way, just like an intense vibe.
Kane: That’s pretty much what I could say about my interaction actually.
Feels: oh Fair enough
Kane: And you know, I think i’m going to stay in the beach hut
Feels: okay
Kane: You remember how I was all really happy about my rat traps earlier?
Feels:Yeah
Kane: Well now that it’s getting dark and nothing has pinged I think I’ve got to erm, go back to basics. Can i use your cat in a box for a clumsy metaphor?
Feels: Yeah sure
Kane: I think i’ve been looking for the cat in the box, but not looking for the box in the box.
Feels: There’s not in the box, there’s just one.. it’s just a box.
Kane: Well / the inside of the box
Feels: You know what you’ve gotta do, you’ve gotta think outside the box
Kane: Oh, no. If you say ‘headspace’ or ‘synergise’ I’m officially ending this relationship
Feels: You’ve gotta synergise your headspace and that is why uh I have decided to think outside the box and just go home.
Kane: Right, what back to the hotel?
Feels: No no, just like back to london
Kane: Oh!
Feels: Yeah
Kane: I don’t think – I don’t think that’ll work.
Feels: Nah I’m pretty sure it’s gonna work
Kane: huh
Feels: I’ve been visualising my goals and i’m pretty sure that’s um… thats what I’ve gotta do to get out of here
Kane: Huh
Feels: Hm.
Kane: Maybe I am a cat in a box because I hadn’t even considered that. Right, well, I’m going to, um, stay here and I’m going to make up a sigil ritual , a little bit of divination, to make sure to make sure we are still on planet earth.
Feels: okay
Kane: …and you’ll go home
Feels: Yeah
Kane: So, eurhm… if you…
Feels: If it doesn’t work, meet back here in an hour
Kane: Right
Feels: Back at the beach hut
Kane: Yes. If it does work i’ll see you tomorrow… at home?
Feels: Yeah! That sounds perfect.
Kane: Can I move back in?
Feels: I mean iot’s your name on the lease.
Kane: Right but you haven’t put – put a bunch of cop stuff in my room have you?
Feels:No! I haven’t stolen money from it or anything like that
Kane: There’s money in my room?
Feels: No, not anymore. I mean there was, but I’m incriminating myself, 3.2.1. BREAK! I’lL SEE YOU BACK IN LONDON!
Kane: okay… he does realise that i… why was there money in my rom? where was it from?
Binman:
Contending with the fretful element:
Bids the winds blow the earth into the sea,
Or swell the curled water ‘bove the main,
That things might change or cease; tears his white hair,
Which the impetuous blasts, with eyeless rage,
Catch in their fury, and make nothing of;
Strives in his little world of man to out-scorn
The to-and-fro-conflicting wind and rain.
This night, wherein the cub-drawn bear would couch,
The lion and the belly-pinched wolf
Keep their fur dry, unbonneted he runs,
And bids what will take all.
Feels: I woke up at London Bridge Station. Just outside the city itself. I checked into a hostel in Borough and slept. After a few days, I had forgotten the sound of the waves, and the rest of the affair
Kane: Please, One more time.
Feels: I wasn’t ready for a city without Jenny, It seemed greyer, colder. I wasn’t ready to go back to the offices either. I knocked over several boxes of Kane’s possessions looking for a scarf Jenny had left behind. She had told me once, quietly, that It helped with adult sadness. I eventually found it folded under a seat cushion. I wore it all winter before losing it in the spring.
Kane: Please, One more Time
It was not my lease to give up, so I hadn’t, but I hadn’t set foot in the office for months. The few cases I did take were ghost cases. In Canary Wharf, I saw the message for the first time. On the DLR back to my bedsit, an orange ticker tape crawled along a building, between the gloomy and unsettling headlines.
“Please” it said “One More Time”
One more time what, I thought.
That night, I dreamed of Foxburn
Kane: Having seen the message once, I saw it everywhere. In the papers, in adverts, on postcards on bills and receipts. I did my best to drown it out but it was there, consistent. One sleepless autumn night, the rain hammering on the windows I unplugged every object I owned from the mains and sat reading Raymond Chandler by candlelight. Around one AM my phone turned on, bathing the ceiling in purple light
Please, one more time
The memories came all at once. Washing over me in wave after wave. I could feel the weight of Alice in my arms, of the car on my spine, the look in his eye when he lead Acteonsen to ruin. I was flooded with Kane’s madness. The madness I thought I’d left behind at the seaside. It overwhelmed me, I was not ready for Kane’s madness. And in my fury, I became convinced he had left a seed inside me, a curse to make sure I returned, a curse to remember.
Kane: ‘Please, one more time’
Feels: I watched a fat guy with a white beard get pulled through Leicester Square on a motorised sleigh, and took another crunch of my burger. I sleep in cinemas. It’s Almost like dreaming, almost.
I stood in the deserted park and turned in small circles while smoking, watching the LED billboards flit through my vision when I heard it:
KANE: “Heavens Bloody Teeth!”
I wheeled around, to see Kane.
Larger than life, larger than anything, trapped on a screen taking off his boots. I remembered this, I’d dreamed it enough, though it was never this purple.
“You just dragged me out here!”
I don’t want to watch this again. I don’t want to feel this again. I … why? Why??
“You’ve just dragged me and coerced me and been a rude evil little prick like you always are, and i don’t even know what is here to care about. You can’t treat the people you like… people you pretend to like… like me.
“Please, one more time”
“Please, one more time”
He shattered, into a thousand different pieces, each reflecting something of the other, Some splintered, some jumped, some drowned, some bled and some wept and I chewed it all, crunching it into dust, chewing with a mouth full of glass and sand.
And then I was standing on the beach. Staring into the searing purple light The surf lapped at my boots. There was a nothing, an emptiness, filled with light and brine and movement.
‘Please,’ – it said – ‘one more time.’
I stepped into the sea, until I am again submerged.
Kane: Right, so i’ve almost finished drawing out, um, and then i saew your train rearrive, /so.
Feels: oh. – yeah it didn’t – it didn’t work.
Kane: No?
Feels: Well it was almost fairly successful for a little bit but it was ultimately a failure.
Kane: You’ve been gone for 45 minutes.
Feels: Well that’s why I’m saying it’s ultimately a failure.
Kane: What was the little bit that it worked
Feels; Well – you know the several lifetimes thing?
Kane; Yeah lets not get into that again, i don’t need you showing off about all your sick lifetimes.
Feels: Yknow it’s not the amount of time you have it’s how you use it, that’s what I’ve learnt.
Kane: oh, that’s horrible! Oh! Crochet that into a pillow and throw that into the ocean. Right, so, i don’t think this sigil think we’re in earth.
Feels: Okay
Kane: So, Might as well throw it into the ocean.
Feels: I tell you what, I still have a theory about a boat.
Kane: about a boat
Feels: Yeah. But i think the way wer should do it is we open that box and see if the cat’s still under it. aaand./.. HAHA! No Cat
Kane: Right… so… maybe it’s as simple as the boarders don’t match up.
Feels: mm
Kane: Maybe we can leave by water
Feels: Right, well that’s a good plan
Kane: is the goal to leave? you’ve kind of confused me with your whole leaving thing. / We need to find out
Feels: Well we’ll find out what’s what when we get in a boat
Kane: RIght, well um, it’s quite late at night
Feels: Thgat’s true thats true. but I know a shop that’s open all hours.
Kane: RIght, so we leave from the beach ht and go in the same direction and in an hour we’ll both be dead.
Feels: Okay
Kane: 3.2.1. /GO!
Feels: GO!
Kane: Wow he can really run. Why does he run!
Feels: Come on!
Kane: Yep.
Feels: You’re lagging.
Feels: I’ve paid the man
Kane: How was he?
Feels: Upset about being woke up at 3am.
Kane: Wow, it’s three am
Feels: Three? What ever.
Kane: What style
Feels: Row.
Kane: You’re rowing
Feel: I know.
FEELS: we arch over bent backs and shoulders heaving. Kane for once was joking. He was always lying but now he was joking. A complete Kane was a dream, was a nightmare. I remember all the chats with him… the all of him. The sadness of a case unsolved, of a detective work failing. The sadness of the lapping waves on the rowboat. He sat by my side and rowed with me.
Kane: Roughly where? It was easier to tell on the shore…
Feels: It can’t be far out now. Is there a time associated? Have we got an associated time?
Kane: Ah damn I was panicked, it certainly isn’t three am
Feels: Can’t still be three, half three surely?
Kane: I have… two minutes to 8pm?
Feels: Same.
Kane: I don’t think the boat was a great idea
Feels: Why? Seems like a lead.
Kane: No it is still a lead but. Look.
FEELS: About 150 feet out to sea, lapping against the waves was a rowboat. No one rowing. The oars locked by loops in place. The sadness of a case unsolved. Of a detective work failing. The sadness of the lapping waves on the rowboat.
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