Rosie: Eating Disorder — Body Shaming, Restricting & 18 Months Without a Period
Rosie shares her story of strength and determination as she fights to overcome her eating disorder. She will delve into her journey of healing and uncovering the layers of protection she has built up over the years. Tune in to hear honest conversations and practical advice on how to start the healing process and accept and embrace your eating disorder. With Rosie’s story of courage, resilience and hope you’ll be inspired to take small steps to living a healthier and more meaningful life.
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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:
addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.
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Transcript
[0:00:00] Rosie: And so I remember that as I was dropping the way, there were some signs that were scaring me in terms of what I was doing. Like I was actually weighing myself every single day.
[0:00:20] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brie Anne Daviscamp. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing.
[0:01:23] Brianne Davis: Really, the how, what, when, where, or why of it all. Today. My guest is Rosie. Now, Rosie, I have a question for you. What is your secret?
[0:01:36] Rosie: Okay, so my secret is that I am a 34 year old who is addicted to peanut butter Disney cartoons and still sleeps with a baby lizard flesh dragon soft toy. This is meaning that I know. So this is a nutshell bomb. But really, today, the reason why I choose to offer my story to you is because I decided to look into some of the most significant events of my life through a magnifying glass that really took me on a journey from self destruction to self care and self expression and self love. And speaking of cartoons, I actually watched Moana again last night after I don't know how many times I've watched it. And it really always captivates me how this journey of this hero is really just showing the starting point of destruction to love again and to flourishing again. And so I think what really gets me of that story each time, besides, aside from all the adventures and the monsters and the fantastical creatures, is really how, at the beginning, with God Tefiti, whose heart gets stolen and then it disappears completely, leaves room for these monstrous destructive tekka until the very end, when Moana gives her heart back. And really, the revelation is that defeati and teka were really the same person, just stripped out of their essence, their heart, and the love that made them appear that way. And so I just wanted to mention this quote, really, to start telling my story about this journey. And it says, I have crossed the horizon to find you. I know your name. They have stolen the hat from inside you. But this is not defining you. This is not who you are. You know who you are.
[0:03:42] Rosie: And so I just wanted to start telling my story of how I tried to really look at all the versions of myself through my life and bring light, love and energy to all of them, regardless of what the destruction behind them was. Basically, I reckon my journey started when I was a kid and everyone saw me as this really big shiny bundle of love who had always food in her mouth, laughing with all my teeth showing and never staying still. My father used to call me monkey and wild goat.
[0:04:26] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. Me too. My father used to say I was like a monkey. I would jump all over the walls like a crazy monkey.
[0:04:38] Rosie: Yeah, exactly, that's funny. And I think that's my essence, really? This is who I am and that is my essence and never change. But then obviously there were some events that started cracking that beautiful essence, like moments of body shining and lack of self confidence and desire to control something that I couldn't see but was hurting from the inside out.
[0:05:12] Brianne Davis: When you say lack of, you said like shaming the body. Shaming. Did something happen? Did somebody say something or was it all internal?
[0:05:22] Rosie: I think it was a bit of both. So I think the most striking event was when I started to go through puberty and obviously my body was changing, curves were starting to appear and it's like wearing a different body suit. It literally feels like you're wearing something that is not quite yours. And it felt really uncomfortable because being from Italy, we used to go to Sicily, where my family, relatives and extended families were leaving at the time and still some of them are there. And so obviously we were going to the beach and there were big fish at the table. So before going through puberty, I didn't really care, I was eating whatever and then my body started changing and naturally you put on that extra weight and you showed through your clothes, you showed through your bathers. And so I was like telling my mom, I don't want to go to the beach today, like, I don't feel comfortable. And then you've got periods of scares like, oh my God, what if that happens while I'm at the beach and this is going to be embarrassing. So all of that started happening, but my mom always tried to come to me and say, if you want to wear this complete one piece swimsuit, you can totally do that. That's going to make you comfortable, you can move with ease and it's not going to be a problem. So that's how it all started. She gave me this green swimsuit to wear and I thought, okay, cool, I'll give it a go. And then little did I know that when I came out of the water, it was completely see through.
[0:07:05] Brianne Davis: Oh my God, no, that's like every young girl's worst nightmare, right?
[0:07:10] Rosie: Yeah. And so I just ran to where my mom was with the umbrella and just got coverage with a bath towel, and I said, I'm not going into the water anymore. I'm not going into the water anymore. Look, she was so sweet, and obviously I was getting really when you go through puberty, a lot of changes happen. Hormones, the body. Like I said, it's really weird.
[0:07:35] Brianne Davis: Yeah. I think for men and women, it's very you don't own your body, like you said. You're feeling all these things, and you're not connected to what's going on.
[0:07:46] Rosie: Yes, exactly. And it's like your child mind is still trying to come to agreement with these changes, and you're like, I don't get it. It's really weird. You feel, like, completely not in your own body. And so I remember seeing this photo. I still have it. It's crazy because all my other three siblings were jumping around the water in the photo. They were just smiling and super happy. And I was hiding between my two younger sisters, holding my knees with this super grumpy face. I oh, was like, My God, I never forget that moment. It's crazy. And I think everything kind of spirals from there. And then I don't know, maybe this doesn't sound too bad for other people, but it really affected me. So while you already are not feeling 100% in your body, then you've got relatives or cousins that pay compliments to you about how beautiful you look and all of that stuff. But that didn't really help me, made me feel even more ashamed and embarrassed.
[0:08:51] Brianne Davis: Right. Because you don't know what to do without attention or that you're feeling awkward inside, and then you're getting this attention that's different from how you're feeling, so you don't even know how to interpret it.
[0:09:04] Rosie: Yes, that's right. And also to me, because I didn't feel right. Those didn't feel right. I was like, Why are you telling me these things? I don't believe any of that. And it became really gross to hear those comments. And so I started wearing huge T shirts, baggy clothes, and obviously that went on and on for years and years.
[0:09:28] Brianne Davis: Do you think it was that not the sexual energy from your cousins, but just that energy coming at you? You didn't know how to handle it? Because I had that problem when I was younger, too. Older people started giving me this attention, and it was like it was scary.
[0:09:46] Rosie: Yes. Most likely, it was a combination of things like, you don't know how to handle those things. Plus you're receiving these weird comments. You're like, what are you trying to say? Like, I don't want that thing. So it was definitely unrequited attention. You don't know what to do with that. Plus your hormones change. Plus you think, what is really the intention behind that? It all felt really weird, and it started playing up, obviously, with my emotions, with my mind, and with that discomfort. But obviously, going into school and seeing that I was the one covering up big time. And then I had all my classmates, even ten year old girls, showing off their body, wearing super short skirts and male attention going to them and complimenting them or making sleazy comments. Because of that. I was like, oh, my God. Yes.
[0:10:43] Rosie: I don't want to be involved in any of that. I'm okay. I'm just going to keep covering myself up, because that's the solution.
[0:10:50] Brianne Davis: Do you think since then you've been covering up your sexuality in general?
[0:10:55] Rosie: Yes, and that's one of my other points as well, because obviously that looked and felt and sounded so unhealthy for me at the time that it kind of kept on growing and growing into this massive fear of unveiling my sexuality, in a way, because I thought it just didn't sit right with me that way. And so obviously, I kept really on for a very long time, wearing baggy clothes and trying to almost wear a cape or something that made me invisible.
[0:11:40] Brianne Davis: It's like a costume you put on to protect yourself from the world.
[0:11:46] Rosie: Yes. I didn't want to be seen. I just thought, no, attention is better than that. Attention. I'm going to keep focusing on my studies, on being a good student, but I was really trying to pull up a facade that wasn't me anyway. Like, it was me partially, but it really was hiding something bigger and more destructive that was happening underneath.
[0:12:13] Brianne Davis: It's so interesting you said this, because I didn't even know we were going to talk about this, but I had someone today mention that they did the same thing and they found themselves and I'm not saying if you're listening, I'm not saying this is your story, but I have to ask it. Do you find yourself sexually anorexic? Like, you don't put yourself in that place because it's too intimate, it's too much, you feel too soon, it's just so you shut down that part of you.
[0:12:42] Rosie: Yes. And I'm still discovering and unveiling. I feel like during that phase of my life, I've created all these layers of protection. And I'm feeling like since my recovery, which probably started over ten years ago, it's like taking all those veils off metaphorically. Obviously, it doesn't mean that I'm removing clothes as I leave.
[0:13:11] Brianne Davis: No, I say it's like peeling that onion. You're going down the different layers.
[0:13:17] Rosie: Yeah, totally. And so I think what made me realize that there was something beneath that pile of clothes that was really hurting underneath is when a series of tragic events I would say tragic events, but it's really not that tragic. If I look at them now, they feel a lot more tragic when they happen to you. But then you put things in perspective. Come on. Probably other thousands of girls.
[0:13:45] Brianne Davis: Listen, no. Somebody's trauma or tragedy could be not as big as someone else and affects them more. So don't be saying your trauma is any less important than anybody else's. We have trauma. For me, I'm dyslexic when I couldn't read in front of my mom, it was like the world was over. And if I say that story now, it doesn't sound that important, but it was a huge turning point in my life. It made me feel insecure and stupid. So don't say that. I get it.
[0:14:17] Rosie: I totally yeah. But yeah, I think at one point I realized that I was really feeling I couldn't do anything with all that repressed energy. Like, I was just focusing on finishing school and being an excellent student as much as possible. I had pressure at home. Well, not so much from my parents, but it was like a self reflective pressure of not being able to express my creativity in any other way. I couldn't go out into sports or I couldn't do dancing or I couldn't do anything creative to really find what my sole purpose was.
[0:15:00] Brianne Davis: Right.
[0:15:00] Rosie: Because obviously being a very numerous family, I didn't want to ask my parents, can you please pay for this course? Like, yes. We still had other three siblings to look after, so I just thought, okay, well, I'll do what I can. But then I was really suffering inside from not having a direction other than going to school and be good at school and hiding myself again.
[0:15:26] Brianne Davis: Right.
[0:15:28] Rosie: A lot of things kept happening. I was overeating at the wrong time for the wrong reason, and that really was hiding a big, massive problem that came out when I was about 15 or 16 year old, when I started hearing comments about being chubby or being undesirable or being ugly. And that's when it really hit me, and I thought, okay, well, that's enough. Now I really need to start changing because I can't keep doing this to myself.
[0:15:55] Brianne Davis: Right?
[0:15:56] Rosie: And so I started making healthier choices. I started walking more during summertime when we had school holidays. I started asking my parents, just don't come and pick me up. Walk home. It's fine. It's healthy. I just need to move, and they accept it. I was like, okay, cool. Sure. And then, obviously, I started becoming more interested about other recipes that were not the traditional Italian Mediterranean recipes, like pastas every day, bread every day, meat every day. I just started kind of thinking, well, what I put in my body needs to also change if I want to make a change. But again, I was still focusing on the outside. Like, even if I was changing the diet and the movement, it was still just an outside superficial thing.
[0:16:42] Brianne Davis: Right.
[0:16:42] Rosie: I definitely changed the inside band because I started dropping weight, and I started thinking that I felt better about myself, but then that spiraled massively into loss of I don't know. I don't even know how to call it. Like I said in the email, I don't want to call it anorexia because I don't think it was, but I looked very emancipated on the outside.
[0:17:09] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And I will tell you, I was anorexic, and it didn't start where I was going to become anorexic. It was very healthy. I started to work out. I started to eat healthier. And then the weight started dropping, and then you feel more confident, and you're like, oh, this is how I'm supposed to feel, and I want more of this. So you do more of it and you restrict more and you restrict more, and it turns into that everything you described in your email, it was funny. If you're listening, I wrote back, I would love to talk about your anorexia. And you were like, what? That's not anorexia.
[0:17:50] Rosie: Yes, it is. Yeah, I know. It was crazy because, like I said, I always ate salads or whatever, but I think even though it wasn't showing as such in what I was eating, it was definitely a bottle in my head. It was a constant, messy jail inside.
[0:18:13] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Where you're like, Did I eat too much? Should I have not done this right now? I need to restrict my next meal a little bit, or I need to.
[0:18:21] Rosie: Go on a walk.
[0:18:23] Brianne Davis: It's a constant battle going on in your head. You're fighting yourself on a daily basis.
[0:18:29] Rosie: And again, I was trying to fix something, but destroying another thing and really not getting to the core of my issue, which was that lack of self worth or lack of self confidence, or not having nurtured the process of growing into a woman with love, but with fear instead. And so I remember that as I was dropping the way, there were some signs that were scaring me in terms of what I was doing. I was actually weighing myself every single day.
[0:18:59] Brianne Davis: Okay, there you go. That is definite sign. A normal is what I call a normal person, if you're listening. Like, a normal doesn't do that. They don't check their weight every day. I did the same thing. I would actually do it in the morning and then at night.
[0:19:16] Rosie: Okay. Yeah, we'll only do it in the morning. But yes, absolutely. That's the thing. See, I'm still hiding. I'm still in denial.
[0:19:25] Brianne Davis: I feel like I'm, like, coaching you. Like no, that's a form. Hey, listen, the only reason we can talk about this is to bring light to this darkness that we hide, that we're ashamed of. I was so ashamed that I turned anorexic. I was like, £104 at five seven and a half. How low did you get?
[0:19:49] Rosie: Oh, I got to 47 kilos, which I don't know what it is in pounds. I'm sorry.
[0:19:55] Brianne Davis: It's okay. I don't either.
[0:19:56] Rosie: 47 kilos? Yeah, it's probably I don't know.
[0:20:02] Brianne Davis: How tall are you?
[0:20:04] Rosie: I'm 1.67 meters. We don't know.
[0:20:09] Brianne Davis: We're in two different countries.
[0:20:14] Rosie: Maybe five foot something. Okay. Less. Slightly less. I don't know. It's okay. Yeah. But anyways, look, I have big bones in general, I really do. And so I thought.
[0:20:35] Brianne Davis: I have swimmer shoulders. I look really broad in the shoulder.
[0:20:41] Rosie: It'S all healthy. No, but that's the thing. So I just kept lying to myself, and I kept lying to my mom. I said, mom, but see, I'm eating everything. I'm eating healthily. And my mom was like, Rosie, you've lost your periods for 18 months. You're constantly worrying about food. You're constantly asking me about this, and that right. You just have to admit it. You've got a problem and you need to solve it. We need to go to the doctor. And I just kept saying no. I'm just stressed out. I was finishing high school. I didn't go into university straight away, but I wanted to be a bit more independent and find a job and then figure out what I wanted to do.
[0:21:21] Rosie: And then my father got sick. In the meanwhile, he got cancer, and he's fine now. He's on the check. But that was also another big stress. I realized that there were so many little things that were keeping it was just the tip of the iceberg. I think the fact that I looked emaciated was really the tip of the iceberg of what really was going on inside, which was a huge, tangled mess of things that I hadn't spoken about or that I hadn't really dealt with the right amount of care and compassion and empathy. And so I remember crying in the bathroom, saying to my mom, I don't know how to leave anymore. I'm so sick of having these thoughts. I'm sick of having to try to control everything. And my mom at one point said, you know what? Let's make the first move. Let's go to the doctor, get you checked, and let's take steps to get at least your peers to come back.
[0:22:28] Brianne Davis: Yeah, because that's so dangerous as a woman too.
[0:22:32] Rosie: Yeah.
[0:22:32] Brianne Davis: Glad your mom said that.
[0:22:35] Rosie: She's always been super attentive about these things, and she said, if you don't want to call it on the right shirt, fine, but we still need to do something about it. And I think as we spoke about that on the email, I think I never wanted to call it that's why? I'm not sick. I'm just going through so much stuff that I have to solve, and I don't even know where to stop.
[0:23:02] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's like the only thing you can control in your life.
[0:23:06] Rosie: That's right. And so after that sorry, I'm starting to hear the emotional it's okay.
[0:23:14] Brianne Davis: I'm right there with you. It's okay.
[0:23:18] Rosie: But I think once I started taking the steps, then I just became a bit more aware of, go slow and steady. You don't have to solve it all right now. And I'm still sorting out some issues. And I think once I started going to university and really knowing what I wanted to do with my life and I just started finding really what my passions were, what my purpose was and what I really wanted to achieve, it took me ten years to be where I am now. But I think slowly slowly and I'm not done yet.
[0:24:05] Brianne Davis: No, we're never done.
[0:24:08] Rosie: But I feel like I'm definitely a lot more aware and I'm definitely more conscious about the steps that I need to take to be with that teenager and talk to that teenager as an adult version of me, to say, it's okay if you want to hide, but then know that you don't want to stay in there too long.
[0:24:33] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Because you can get lost in there.
[0:24:36] Rosie: Yeah. It is about getting lost. Sometimes it's Kate. As long as you are still holding a torch and see the road and the light to get back to who you really are. It took me a long time, but I'm here. I'm on the journey. I think positive choices that I've made to come out of it and really own what I was eating was becoming vegan five years ago.
[0:25:09] Brianne Davis: Okay.
[0:25:10] Rosie: Which was really great because I felt I was really happy with the choice that I was making. And my body was feeling very grateful and thankful for the choices that I was making for myself. Obviously, I started meditating and exercising and doing body combat or running and all of those things really were no more a way to escape from the problems and lose weight. But it was more allowing the journey of discovery, allowing the great feeling of feeling your body moving with a purpose, with the intention of really recovering rather than destroying yourself. Again, it was serving the purpose of discovering and rebuilding rather than take more weight off your body. Take more weight off your body. The way it didn't have to be physical, but it had to be emotional. So it's like I wanted to strip off something of my body that was really energetic and start again. I think if we wanted to put it as a metaphor of the weight loss is never just physical. It's like you want to get rid of something, but you can't do it yourself because it's too much to remove layers inside of fear and disgust and shame and all of that. Sometimes it's harder to do it on the inside.
[0:26:40] Brianne Davis: So you go, oh, my God, it's 20 times harder. It's a thousand times harder. It's so hard to dig deep and see why we do these things where we want control over our life. And you know what really helped me when I was in the throat of my anorexia? If you're out there and you're struggling, two things really helped me, and I haven't spoken about them, and I want to share them with you. But when I got to my thin weight, someone took a picture of me, and I saw the picture, and I was like, oh, my God, I am so teeny in a lot of places do that. They take pictures so you can actually because your vision of yourself is so distorted totally. Sometimes you have to see it from a different lens. So that really helped me. And then the last thing, especially since you are still kind of struggling and coming through all this emotional stuff you're going through and letting go of this control aspect, I kept thinking, am I going to be on my deathbed? And I didn't allow myself to live. I didn't allow myself to have that piece of bread and then just go on a walk, but not like obsess about it.
[0:27:54] Rosie: And it just really put it in perspective for me and years and years.
[0:28:00] Brianne Davis: Of therapy and all that stuff. But those were the first things that really got me to be like, I have to change. I can't keep living like this anymore.
[0:28:12] Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I actually remember I got photos where I was like, gosh, you can tell whatever you like, but you were absolutely nonexistent. There was nothing on me. And I believe I was just completely doing things, but inside I was like, feeling that there was still something missing. And I think what was missing really was that love, compassion and purpose and like, what am I doing with my life? And I think I can't remember who said that. But don't die with the music inside of you.
[0:28:54] Brianne Davis: I've never heard that. That's beautiful.
[0:28:56] Rosie: Yeah, it is beautiful. And it's like, yeah, I know. I need to express all of this somehow. And so years ago, then I realized that I am an artist and I am a creator, and I'm also an actress, and I am a writer and I am a teacher. So I was like, okay, I can see all of this now happening. And that really defining who I was at the core, was what helped me rebuild from the inside out.
[0:29:27] Brianne Davis: I loved that. Finding your purpose and your passion.
[0:29:31] Rosie: Yeah, because I had none. So I was trying to find it by looking good outside, which I never felt like I did anyway.
[0:29:40] Brianne Davis: It's like empty. It's an emptiness. I do have a question for you, and I really want to get to this question.
[0:29:47] Rosie: Yes.
[0:29:47] Brianne Davis: Who do you think keeping this eating disorder? I'm going to call it you can call it what you want, but who do you think it harmed and who did it benefit?
[0:29:58] Rosie: Okay, so it definitely harmed a stage of me and a stage of my family, because what was creating was divided. I did not want to talk about it, or if I did, it was just a hit and miss with my mom. But I didn't want to talk about it openly. I didn't want to meet that. I had a problem because I thought my problem is not important at the moment. There's so much more on the plate. I don't need to tell anybody about that. We don't need to solve that now. It will sort itself out. So I think what created was divide because now I tell everything to my family. Like, I share everything, absolutely everything. Especially because we're so far away from each other and we don't see each other every day. I feel the urge and the need to share absolutely everything with them. I even told them that I was going to be on the podcast with you.
[0:30:57] Brianne Davis: I love talking about this, talking about this.
[0:31:02] Rosie: But back in the days, we never recognized it as such. So I think he created a divide. It created lack of communication. He created anger and impatience in me. And I wasn't really my full self, so it definitely harmed me and my.
[0:31:23] Brianne Davis: Family and then my last.
[0:31:31] Rosie: Do the what you said, who benefited? I think it benefited my growth, my self expression and my self expansion. I think if everything had gone smooth, I wouldn't have the depth of realization, the depth of expansion that I have now. So even though it hurts to talk about that sometimes because it's very vulnerable, I feel like talking about it really does help. Especially because every time I kind of expose myself in that regard, in that regard, it really shines a light into a different corner or different face of the prison. So it's like, oh, talking about this with you, who I've never spoken to before, and I'm so glad I'm doing this now. It's like, oh gosh, you're helping me see other parts or talking about this in a different light is really helping me see these other parts. Obviously, nobody wants to go through conflicts, nobody wants to go through problems, challenges, diseases or anything, but they really are helping you go stronger, helping you on the journey of self awareness. I don't know, if everything was given to me and everything was just always fine, I probably wouldn't have the strength that I have today in talking about this and knowing who I am a little bit more. I'm still learning who I am every day, but I am totally recovered from that. I still have other challenges to deal with, especially the sexuality discover part. I'm still not completely fully comfortable with that. And I'm saying this very openly, even though but yeah, that part. I'm happy with what I'm eating. I am not checking on anything.
[0:33:34] Rosie: I have put on weight, obviously, because that was healthy. I have been exercising, but without obsessing over it. Just because, like I said, it's aiding the strength, like mental strength, emotional strength, physical strength. And I think I'm so glad that I'm outside of that jail because it literally felt like a jail.
[0:33:57] Brianne Davis: It is a jail. It's a jail. But I have to tell you, I feel the most amazing human beings are the ones that have gone to the darkness and come out into the light. There's something about somebody surviving that internal battle that I just love them even more. And I can hear that when you're speaking, but yeah, that sexual anorexia side definitely should be looked at because the last thing you want. To do is not be intimate or have that connection with another human being.
[0:34:33] Rosie: Absolutely.
[0:34:34] Brianne Davis: But I do have one more question before I let you go. So now that you said you moved through it and if somebody's listening, they're struggling with that inner voice that is restricting, weighing themselves, all that stuff, hiding themselves, what would be your advice for them?
[0:34:54] Rosie: Well, I would definitely talk to somebody about this openly choose a person that they trust as their guardian angels, I guess, and really just talk to them without shame about every single thing that they're feeling in their body. And don't be scared to go deep into the dark, disgusting side of it all because I've got the feeling because we are all humans and we all share this, it's not about losing the weight, but it's about loosening the tension inside the body of what is holding back the highest purpose within us. So only when you talk about it and you strip that away from you, then you really see who you truly are. So yes, we go through the nasty bits of hating ourselves or not liking ourselves. We've got these monsters attacking us in forms of thoughts or in forms of words, hurtful things that other people do to us. But at the end of the day, they're just test for us to really see, okay, I really need to put my own heart up my sleeve and really see who I am through this because anorexias know who I was, there was more to them. And that's why also Moana's song really is striking for me because whatever you go through doesn't define you. And I think back in the days I was scared to say that I had anorexia in some sort of form because I was scared that that was going to define me and I didn't want to be defined by that.
[0:36:38] Brianne Davis: Wow.
[0:36:38] Rosie: So I think, yeah, that's the other thing. That's not who we are. Your disease, your disorder, your mental health status is not who you are. Everything passes as long as you give them time to express themselves and talk openly as they are. Even though they sound ugly and they sound messy and they sound they don't make sense. Just I think, write, create in any form, draw. I've drawn a lot of dark figures to let that darkness come through and out of me rather than keeping it stuck inside. So I think, yeah, what I would suggest, definitely talk, write, draw, go out, move it out, talk to the trees. Something. That's the other thing. If you don't want to talk to somebody, talk to the wind, talk to the tree, let it out, don't keep it inside in a cage.
[0:37:34] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and your journey with us.
[0:37:38] Rosie: Thank you for listening and if you.
[0:37:41] Brianne Davis: Want to be on the show, please email me at secret Life podcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show, please subscribe rate share or send me a note@secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.
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