118: A Journey Revealing Polyamory And Self-Honesty In a Monogamous World with Terri Fernandez

What does it mean to be open, transparent, and honest? When it means discovering you are polyamorous, there may be challenges and surprises that come. Dr. Terri Fernandez talks about the journey in discovering she is polyamorous at heart while being compassionate in a monogamous marriage. Her experience includes a depth of fear and hurt, as well as joys. She shares her own body reactions, partner reactions and some major losses on the journey. Also, questions about how you set up life as polyamorous especially being in a monogamous marriage and what is commitment? How can you be fully honest?

Terri and I mutually discuss past generations and pressures, what family constellations has to do with a Poly view, what life would be like if Poly were always an option, repression is a superpower, how we each discovered our own polyamorous journeys.

Clinically trained with a specialization in forensic psychology, Dr. Fernandez now works exclusively with our veterans in the Department of Veterans Affairs. Providing primarily trauma-informed, evidence-based therapies to treat PTSD, she uses her integrative theoretical orientation and certified training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help our veterans process traumatic experiences with present-moment awareness, as well as address other psychological difficulties from a non-judgmental and compassionate approach. Terri Fernandez, Psy.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist.

Terri is a native Texan, reformed gamer, and wannabe lichenologist. She returned to her hometown of Texas (currently based in Austin) after living and training in Chicago, Kansas City MO, and Gainesville FL.

 

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Show Notes

0:00 Intro

1:02 Sponsored by the Monthly Embodied Group Healing Call

1:36 Introducing the Topic

6:02 Welcoming Terri and Setting the Scene

7:04 How Songs and Phrases Can Check You Into the Moment

9:15 Letting Go of Pressures From Previous Generations

11:55 Life’s Dividing Moments

13:00 Grad School — Self-Examination

15:18 Terri’s Poly Journey

19:20 Terri’s Superpower — Repression

20:46 Shifting Out of a Catholic Family Structure

22:29 What if Poly Would Have Always Been an Option?

24:13 How Do You Set Up Life & Relationships Around Polyamory?

25:46 What Have Been Surprises Along This Journey?

29:44 How Much Are You Able to Hold?

31:08 Opening Up a New World — Plato’s Allegory Cave

34:07 Different Context of Exploration (In Marriage and Dating)

41:45 Exploring Poly With Family Constellations

43:41 Polyamory in Past Generations

48:21 A Body Reaction and Partner Reaction

52:28 Socially Accepted, Acceptable, or Understandable?

54:40 Emotional Cheating?

55:35 Being Honest and Open Is the Most Painful Peace

57:55 What Does It Mean to Be Open and Honest? What Does It Mean to Be Transparent? What Does Commitment Mean?

1:04:20 The Reality — Little Understanding in Surrounding Couples

1:05:41 The Depth of Fear and Hurt That You Walk Through Discovering Poly

1:08:25 Excavating More of What Is Here

1:12:21 What Parts of the Journey Have You Enjoyed?

1:15:22 All Kinds of Struggles — Poly Turning Mono and Exploring Poly in Marriage

1:20:22 The Doors You Walk Through… There May Be Deaths

1:22:54 Gratitude & Lots of Kindness and Gentleness

1:24:25 Outro