#34 - Ice Cream Is The Devil

Don’t buy it. Because you’ll eat it. I know, you’re saying, “And?” But you’re not eight years old anymore and when the metabolism slows down, the pounds hang around.

If you don’t give a shit, fine. Enjoy your flavorful, beautiful, abbreviated life.

But for anyone concerned about health and appearance, ice cream can be the forbidden lust held captive in your refrigeration chamber of torture, beckoning with haunting ecstasy to be freed, seducing your sensibilities. It is within reach, the flavor unmistakable; melting on your tongue, cooling the nerves, conjuring your weakest senses to surrender. You know you shouldn’t, but it’s too easy. And you like things that are easy. You want it. And it is totally game for a steamy affair.

Now, there is a new version of this silky milky smooth satiation of the taste buds that they call Halo Top, which is lower in fat and calories with most of the flavor. So, is that supposed to stop us from eating twice as much? Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t have much of an off switch when I’m in the grip of the throes of passion, and the guilt really becomes a factor afterward when you know you’ve been bad. So, you know what we do? We leave a bite at the bottom of the carton.

This gives us peace.

It’s a lifeline that can be the last vestige of hope for staving off the edge of the tall building; the last defense against the deep slope of self-deprecation.

Thank god we humans have well-formed brains.

So, don’t buy ice cream. Potato chips, too. Try Kale chips. Hey, Canna Chips!