#21 - Party Injuries

It happened in the co-ed dormitory at college. There I was chatting it up outside of someone’s room in the hallway when I heard the words splattered out in a high pitch cheer. “Mikey”! It is one of my buddies who is twice my size. He comes charging down the hallway with what I think is going to be a loving bear hug. Which is indeed the case. Until midway through when he spontaneously decides to apply a World Wrestling Federation Standing Guillotine Drop finished with a ripe, moist kiss on the cheek.

My knee has never been the same.

My girlfriend was floating the river with some friends. They came upon a 60-foot cliff ledge that people were climbing to and jumping from. What ensued for her, having had zero experience in this particular field of expertise, was an extremely painful seated landing that resulted in severe, dark purple bruises that led from the bottom of her feet, up the backs of her legs, to the cusp of her buttocks.

She sat on an inflatable donut for two weeks.

My childhood friend Brad disappeared at a Kenny Chesney concert, completely blacked out, and no one could find him anywhere. He was wearing an American Flag bandana around his head, which made picking him out of the crowd difficult. His phone was going straight to voice mail. Then the show ended, and everyone was at the car ready to go home when suddenly he appeared like Charlton Heston as Moses returning from the mountain with the Ten Commandments in tow. He’d spent the entire set sitting cross-legged with his knees resting on the stage-right amplifier, so he could “really feel the bass”.

His hearing has never been quite as acute.

Please note that none of these episodes occurred while under the influence of cannabis.