646 – Galactica 1980 – The Night the Cylons Landed

John and Eugene consider if constellations look the same “on the other side,” when Chekov’s gun misfires and do robots have murder/suicide pacts when we look at the Galactica 1980 episode, The Night the Cylons Landed.

Episode Synopsis
A routine viper patrol encounters an unusual Cylon vehicle, but their communications are jammed before they can warn the fleet.  Aboard the Cylon ship, in addition to the typical three centurions, are two new-model Cylons, named Andromus and Andromidus.  These Cylons look exactly like humans, a radical new design for the Cylons which will no doubt give them some enormous advantage in their single-minded, pathetic pursuit of the final dregs of humanity, although, honestly, I cannot see how.

Unable to destroy the Cylon with their weapons, the Viper rams the Cylon, causing it to, somehow, be drawn inexorably towards Earth, a planet nowhere near them.

Largely unaware of what’s happening, the Galactica is able to determine that a ship, which they think is the patrol viper, is going to crash on Earth.  Troy and Dillon are sent to recover it.

Earth’s primitive tracking technology is no slouch, and they detect and plot the course of the incoming craft.  It’s heading for New York… and so is Colonel Briggs, a generic replacement for Colonel Sydell.

Troy and Dillon, however, were at the Griffith Park observatory in California, giving the Galactican kids the opportunity to be obnoxious.  Jamie saddled with the kids again, warns Troy and Dillion from flying their Viper to New York because, you know, every time they do fly, Earth’s primitive tracking technology picks them up.

They’ll have to fly to New York via a domestic air carrier.

Just their luck, and ours, they happen to be on a flight that is hijacked to Cuba.  (Do you remember when people used to hijack planes to get somewhere instead of just to slaughter people?  I miss the old days.) Luckily, the Insipid Duo thwarts the hijacking with their plastic space guns.  They’re heroes, and the FBI will be waiting for them when they land in New York.  That would be problematic if they didn’t have invisibility fields.

The Cylon craft crashes, destroying all but Andromus and one centurion.  They escape the craft and set the self-destruct.  Troy and Dillion arrive minutes later and, exploring the craft, realize it’s Cylon and also, with horror, discover the dead humanoid Cylon.  They escape the exploding ship, only to be caught by the police now arriving on the scene.  That would be problematic if they didn’t have stun guns and a track record of stealing police cars.  They pick up a low-power Cylon distress beacon and begin tracking it.

Andromus has realized that they have found Earth.  If they can find a high-power booster, they can signal the Cylons and wipe out Earth.  He can pass as a human, but the appearance of the centurion is another matter.  It would be problematic if it didn’t just coincidently happen to be fracking Halloween!

They’re picked up by Dark Shadows’ Angelique the witch, and Knight Rider’s Knight Industries Two Thousand, who happen to be heading to a Halloween party at a high-powered radio station… just the sort of thing two Cylons could use to begin the final annihilation of the lifeforms known as man.

End of part One.

Episode Synopsis
The Tepid Duo are being chased by the police in their stolen police car; then they run out of road at the docks, ditch the car in the water, and swim off, despite cops being on the scene – and no, they didn’t use their invisibility field.

The two Cylons have been escorted to a Halloween party populated mainly by the employees and families of a local radio station; here, they hope to meet Wolfman Jack and hijack his radio station.  Now known as Andy and Centurie, they mingle like old pros.

Cops chase Troy and Dillon again, so they slip into a kids’ stage show, steal some costumes, and put on a dance number before the cops arrive.  This would be problematic if they didn’t have invisibility fields that they can use on stage in front of a live audience while carrying another performer.

Wolfman Jack arrives at the party and has a conversation with Andy.  He talks about radio transmissions and, in an obviously key point, explains how solar waves can interrupt radio transmissions.

You have no doubt identified this conversation about “solar waves” to be Chekov’s Gun in the room, and if so, you would be completely wrong, for it plays no further part in this drama.

Next, Troy and Dillan get mugged in Central Park.  This would be problematic if they didn’t have the ability to jump 20 feet into the air and into the trees.

Back at the party, the station manager is getting nervous.  Those two stray, random hitchhikers they picked up and invited into someone’s home are asking a lot of questions about the security of the radio station; maybe it’s time to ask them to leave.  Just then, Centurie enters the kitchen and is incapacitated by the microwave oven.  Hooray!  Earth never needs to fear Cylons again!  We have invented the ultimate Anti-Cylon Weapon; every home in America has one!  If only the people of the twelve colonies had invented microwave ovens, the Cylons would have been wiped out centuries ago.

The victory is short-lived, though. Andy comes in, and like the villain he is, he slays the valiant microwave, and Centurie recovers. A fire breaks out, and they must evacuate the building just as Troy and Dillon arrive.  Andy and Centurie take Wolfman Jack to the radio station while Troy runs into the burning apartment to rescue a child and his dog.

Oh, and Colonel Briggs is in New York City, working with the NYPD to locate Troy and Dillon.

At the station, the Cylons decide to use the Federal Emergency Broadcast System to transmit their signal into space.  For some reason, the equipment is on the roof and uses a little tiny 3’ transmitter dish.  While Andy tries to realign the dish to point it towards “the space,” Troy and Dillon must climb 40 floors in an elevator shaft.  This would be problematic if they couldn’t jump a floor at a time and have perfect aim and balance to land precisely on strangely incongruous girders in the elevator shaft.

They reach the roof, have a gunfight with the Cylons, and, instead of killing the Cylons, the Centurion commits murder/suicide.  

The cops and Col. Briggs have arrived, and Troy and Dillon are trapped on the roof.  This would be problematic if they didn’t have invisibility fields.

Once again, the day is saved by the Tepid Duo.