Parenting Wisdom from a Veteran Therapist with Bonnie Compton

As a parent we always want the best upbringing for our children. But what does that look like? Kids don't come with instruction manuals. While some may have had a good childhood, there is no such thing as a perfect one. 

In this episode Matt sits down with Bonnie Compton, a child therapist and one of America's most trusted resources regarding parenting. Bonnie teaches us that kids don’t respond well to being controlled by their parents. Instead, what they need is to be guided to make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. Whether you’re a parent or you plan to be one, this is a conversation you will want to take in. 

Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation: 

• Guiding children to make responsible choices for themselves

• Discipline is not a dirty word.

• Parenting and expectations for the youngest child

• The downsides of helicopter parenting

[03:17] Nurturing Children: A Responsibility and Opportunity for All of Us

• While some may have had a good childhood, there is no such thing as a perfect one. Those who want to emulate their own parents' parenting styles should approach with caution as every individual and family dynamic is different. It's important to bring in other ways that you want to be as a parent or seek guidance from experts to ensure a well-rounded approach. For those from dysfunctional families, it's important to avoid swinging too far in the opposite direction and putting pressure on yourself to create a "perfect" childhood for your own children. Instead, focus on being present, nurturing, and supportive.

• [12:15] The Importance of Allowing Children to Make Responsible Choices

• Kids don't respond well to being controlled by their parents. They often rebel and resist our efforts when we try to control them. Instead, it's important to guide our children towards making responsible choices for themselves and allowing them to experience the consequences of those choices. This is how we raise children to become independent young adults and eventually, fully functional adults. By trying to exert too much control over our children, we risk pushing them away and fostering resentment.

• [25:47] The Downsides of Helicopter Parenting

• Helicopter parenting can actually prevent children from learning how to handle failure and make their own decisions. Instead of learning from their mistakes, young adults who were overly protected often become paralyzed by fear of doing the wrong thing or making a mistake. Failure is an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than a catastrophic end result. However, this type of overprotective parenting can ultimately do more harm than good, as children are not given the chance to develop their independence and problem-solving skills. By stepping back and allowing children to make decisions and experience the consequences, parents can help foster their children's self-reliance and confidence in their abilities.

Notable quotes:

[10:32] Maybe the dishes don't get done. What kids care about is that you are there and that they are seen. [10:42]

[25:25] Kids don't come with instruction manuals... you're learning as you go. [25:31]

Resources Mentioned: 

Mothering with Courage

https://thesophiainstitute.org 

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About the Guest 

Bonnie Compton has 30 years of well-earned wisdom, hard-won experience and results-driven techniques that have transformed countless parents and kids around the world. Her best selling book Mothering with Courage, offers a mindful approach to becoming a parent who listens more, worries less, and loves deeply. Bonnie believes that being a parent is her most important job.