Consult them in the matter [3:159]

Continuing with this verse from Sura Ale Imran:  So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in [some of] the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. (Quran 3:159) After appreciating the Prophet [saw] for being lenient with his companions who disobeyed him, the Holy Prophet [saw] is advised to consult his companions.  Scholars explain that in this verse, “consult them” refers to strategies of war, since the Prophet by definition would not consult them in matters of revelation or in laws and commands decided by Allah (swt).  The Holy Prophet (saw) often consulted his family and companions. He would consult on military strategy from those who were in the trenches. He also established the seeking of counsel as a role model and encouraged it to nurture the wisdom and insight of his followers. Commentators believe that this quality helped the Prophet (saw) win over people and made him a successful leader. Consultation has so many benefits, both for those consulting and those being consulted.  When we are in the midst of a situation or a problem, it is often challenging to see the big picture or reflect on how our behaviour is playing out in the situation. Our own self-interest and ego often results in tunnel vision, which may lead to actions not in our ultimate best interest. Seeking counsel and consultation from a spouse, a good friend, a trusted colleague or a trained professional at such a time can be hugely beneficial as it can provide us with a sounding board and help illuminate blind spots and errors in thinking. Seeking consultation becomes even more important when the stakes of a particular decision are high. It is for this reason that many CEOs, leaders and high ranking professionals turn to consultants to think through their decisions and get feedback. Reality is that the higher your status in life, and the more powerful the position you hold, feedback and accountability is generally not forthcoming unless you intentionally seek it out.  For those who are in lower down on the ladder of power and privilege, the opportunity of being heard and having their ideas listened to is invaluable in building their self-confidence and buy in to the team or group. (The Holy Prophet (saw) exemplified this when he intentionally sought out consultation from his companions).  When you consult others, you have the support of others in decision making and can fill out the gaps in your thinking. Imam Ali (as) said: Whoever seeks advice of the intelligent ones becomes enlightened with the lights of [many] intelligences. (LOVE this - can you imagine, becoming enlightened with many intelligences? How cool is that?.  He also said: It is right that the intelligent one should add to his opinion the opinions of the intelligent ones, and add the knowledge of the wise ones to his knowledge. In other words, consulting others in big and small matters expands our own thinking and brings to light things that we may not have considered.  The likelihood of mistakes becomes less when more people think about a matter. Varied intellects and experiences are less likely to be wrong than one individual one. Imam Ali (a) has said: The Messenger (s) sent me to Yemen and advised me, ‘the one who consults does not regret’. Consultation also allows people to feel like a party to success and take ownership for results, building a team spirit.  And at the same time, if the result of a decision is not as desired, a decision taken after consultation will prevent a group or team for putting the blame on a single person. As Imam Ali (a) says: He who acts solely according to his own opinion gets ruined, and he who consults other people shares in their understanding. (Nahjul Balāgha, Saying No.161) Given that consultation has so many benefits, what stops us from doing more of this?  Shame, ego and stubbornness are perhaps the biggest barriers to seeking counsel and consultation. We become very attached to our thoughts and desires and simply do not want anyone to tell us that might be a better way. We may feel very pressured to look as if we “have it all together” and see it as a weakness to ask others for guidance.  Or we really really want to follow a path and suspect that others whom we trust will give us a different suggestion, we may not want to consult them. Such thinking itself is a huge sign that we need counsel more than ever! At times like this, we may want to remind ourselves that consultation and counsel are a spiritual injunction from Him and it is a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saw).  Far from showing weakness, it is a sign of courage and maturity to consult with others and seek guidance and help when appropriate. The most difficult part of seeking consultation is the first step. Once we initiate it, though, we experience a huge sense of relief and support.  Let us pray that we have the guidance to consult with those who had experience, training or wisdom in dealing with what we may be facing. And that we have the courage to ask for help and support and the wisdom to act upon that advice.