Marriage: Temperaments

Let's kick the marriage series off with a fun one! Let's talk temperaments! This is one of the oldest personality tests out there, and it is based more on NATURE than on NURTURE. In fact, often when investigating what temperament you are, you are supposed to think about how you were as a child. As we grow, we tend to develop habits, grow in virtues, and learn how to soften out some of our less desirable attributes, which can mask our natural tendencies. If you haven't ever looked into your own temperament, check out this quiz:

https://www.temperamentquiz.com/

You will likely be given a primary and a secondary temperament. If your husband can also discover his temperament, it could be fun for you to compare and contrast your natural reactions to life events, and to see how you handle your life and relationship together.

If you would like an overview of the temperaments, here's a good one in the context of faith:

https://spiritualdirection.com/2019/03/18/the-four-temperaments-and-the-spiritual-life

Lastly, if you'd like to learn more, I recommend the books by Art and Laraine Bennett. The Temperament God Gave Your Kids has helped me on MANY occasions! These go through many fun combinations of spousal temperament combinations and parent-to-kid combinations! Even if you don't feel completely understood by any singular temperament, it's food for conversation, and that can be really helpful! Here are some ideas for fun discussion with your husband.

Conversation starters with your husband about temperaments:

1. Do you know your (and your spouse's) temperament?
2. What is your favorite thing about your spouse's temperament?
3. Do you share a temperament? How do you think that affects the way you run your house/family (for better and for worse)?
4. Does your shared temperament (or lack thereof) affect the overall culture of your family? How do you think that affects your kids? Make sure to start with the positives!
5. If you have a temperament that is not represented in your relationship, are there any qualities that you are missing that need to be tended to? (i.e. a couple missing a melancholic could use a growth in commitment, structure, or aim for ideals)