"I should be happy but I'm so alone and empty": Emma Molloy on emerging from the fog

Before listening, please note that today's episode discusses suicidal ideation, self harm and postnatal depression. Before you press play, please consider if this conversation feels right for you.

When I emailed Emma Molloy to ask her for some more information about her journey, she reflected on some of her darkest days. And at the bottom of the email, there was a list of 10 things she's learned along the way.

So instead of trying to describe who Emma is, instead, I'm going to read my favourite bits from her list (see the Insta post I refer to here).

She writes: but it's not all bad. Here's a list of the lessons I've learned:

• Pancake batter can be cooked as a cake, if you can’t be bothered to make the pancakes.
• The washing is still done even if its sitting clean in the basket.
• I am a person not a robot. Children are not robots either.
• Sometimes you have to give up the idea of being perfect in order to find perfect moments. An example would be my son's last cricket game last year. My husband was away, and my son was upset because he didn’t get a chance to bat, normally I would try to get home for dinner. We stayed back I bowled until the sun went down. The smile on that kid’s face is burned into my memory forever.
• You are allowed to miss your old life.

This is such a powerful conversation. It's the story of how one mother emerged from her darkest and loneliest moments to find the light.

Here, we talk what it's like to be a defence spouse, how she overcame some of her lowest moments, and how she makes work, work today.

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This episode of Ready or Not is brought to you by Homb, Melbourne’s first of its kind postpartum hotel where mothers are mothered. To learn more about the Homb trust – a registered charity that exists to provide financially supported stays to families in need, who don’t have the financial capacity to pay for a stay independently – and to book your stay at this special place, visit www.homb.com.au

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This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Boon Wurong people of the Kulin Nation. The land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons and daughters always was and always will be Aboriginal land.

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