Episode 81 - Go To Your Happy Gethsemane

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The episode kicks off with the hosts reintroducing themselves, bringing their signature chaotic energy and banter that feels like a conversation you'd eavesdrop on at a dive bar. After some jabs at the podcast's disorganized structure, they introduce the drink of the day—"The Unholy Trinity." A cocktail concocted from "Dragon Piss" (a spirit so absurd it sounds like a dare) and flavored with garlic, jalapeno, mezcal, and grapefruit. The hosts break down the experience of sipping it, comparing its flavor profile to the stages of grief, before inevitably spiraling into a tirade about their mutual dislike for the latest Joker movie. The randomness sets the tone for the rest of the episode: expect the unexpected, or don’t—honestly, who cares?

Scriptures: [00:17:57]
aaaAAAaaa leads the charge in this scripture deep dive, skewering D&C 48-49. Section 48? Joseph Smith's impromptu land-sharing plan in Ohio. The hosts paint it as the divine equivalent of showing up to your friend's house without warning, expecting to crash on their couch... forever. As the discussion transitions to Section 49, which calls out the Shakers for their belief that Christ returned as a woman named Ann Lee, the hosts are all-in on roasting Joseph Smith’s arrogance for thinking he could "correct" the celibate, vegetarian Shakers. Between the snark, they reflect on Mormonism’s own quirks—like polygamy—while offering a mix of irreverent humor and historical insights.

Church Teachings: [00:39:23]
Abish leads the group through the latest General Conference with the kind of mock enthusiasm you’d expect from someone forced to sit through 8 hours of solemn sermons. The segment kicks off with a trivia drinking game based on fun facts about General Authorities. Ever wonder which apostle used to be a high school quarterback or ran BYU-Idaho? The game rewards each correct answer with a shot. From there, they pick apart some key talks, laughing at Oaks’ “permanent commandments” vs. “temporary ones” and finding joy in critiquing the relentless pursuit of joy the church insists upon. The playful dissection of expectations, like singing hymns with fervor and sporting constant smiles, highlights the sometimes hilarious disconnect between doctrine and reality.

History: [01:14:54]
Abigail takes the wheel, offering a snarky, zig-zagging history lesson on the Quakers and their offshoot, the Shakers. Starting with George Fox, the Quakers’ founder, she jokes about his intense seriousness, likening his direct hotline to God to that one guy in the comments section who’s always right. From there, the hosts detour into modern comparisons, throwing in random references to Quaker Oats and Harry Potter. The conversation pivots to the Shakers, a group known for their ecstatic worship, stellar craftsmanship, and extreme celibacy. Abigail doesn’t miss a beat in roasting their contradictions—like advocating for gender equality while ensuring their own population dies out due to a refusal to procreate.

As the episode wraps, the gang reflects on the dwindling numbers of Shakers, leaving only two remaining members. Abigail half-jokingly encourages listeners to join the Shakers if a life of celibacy and handmade furniture appeals to them, signing off with, “In the name of Brother Arnold and Sister June,” the remaining torchbearers of this once vibrant, now practically extinct sect. If anything, this e

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